Exhalation

Posted on July 28, 2013. Filed under: a look in my book, Change of Pace, justice, Mental Hurling, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Thoughtlessly unappreciated and seemingly tossed randomly about by fate
Numbed to the chaos a gift can emerge from acceptance of the unthinkable
Survive and one becomes tempered
Like the finest steel however forged in misfortune and misunderstanding
Each violation, real or perceived, a misfortunate but well placed strike of the hammer
Shaping a future
Pain and torment, possible confusion, solitude and feelings of helplessness
To state time heals all wounds is a blanket lie, it takes work and insight.
Seeking wisdom or intellectual gain from loathsome events…
Is not pretty nor is it easily acquired
Patience and examination of the minutia of each nightmare endured
With sadistic resolution to admit and own every flaw,
Acceptance and forgiveness of actions or inaction
In order to reach a higher understanding
An often bittersweet realization due to the process is amazing
One can discover that in each experience
Whether it brings marvel or misery
There is something of great worth
A priceless commodity to be gained.
Some of the most tragic and agonizing events
Upon deep reflection often yield the most amazing epiphanies
New-found strength, Previously unimagined adaptability
The forgiveness of others as well as ones self, Incredible personal growth
Unexpected insight into ones own psyche
The unbridled joy of turning pain into a positive gift
The myriad of benefits in the wake of any torturous event
Are restricted only by ones fear of reliving the mental pain.
Sifting through each atrocity to find any grain of knowledge
Aiding any tiny spark that may, and generally will, help come to terms.
Promoting the reduction of future instances where any similar nightmares
Might vie to hold power over your thoughts or preset fears that might dictate negative actions
Seek and discover the positive then learn to let the negative go
It can be the beginning of a path to eventual bliss
Upon successful endurance of a catastrophic event
If and when one chooses to commit to find the good when mired in misery
 
Consider this a challenge, dare, a plea from a voice of experience
Look for the positive, it is there. It may be deeply buried
The quest at times will almost surely create degrees of duress but know this:
There is no greater reward (though painful) than to fight and survive,
Eventually come to terms with an unthinkable ordeal
Then find joy or peace, acceptance through sincere reflection in it’s wake.

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Coming soon

Posted on July 7, 2013. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

I’ve been silent for quite some time, for a reason.

That’s all behind me now. Things are better than ever, my little family is nearly safe secure and permanently settled. Once that’s occurred I’ll be back to my old blathering self.

Circumstances (woefully) beyond my control made posting, or even being, online a non-issue. I had more important fish to fry. Now that those fish are frittered,

nuh-nuh….   nuh-nuh… nuh nuh nuh nuh da da da da dadada   DANUHNAAAAA (think jaws)

I’m coming…. (nibble)

 

s

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Magic word contest -CANCELLED

Posted on February 23, 2013. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, Mental Hurling, Miscellaneous, Musings, Prose, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Ask anyone to say the magic word
invariably they will say “please.”
That is a fallacy, a lie, it holds no power.
I know true magic.
A single word – when spoken properly –
can devistate.
This word can end lives.
Destroy families.
Cause the mightiest of men to question their own worth.
This damning word is tricky,
it is generally benign in nature.
We use it every day.
The evil magic it holds is manifested by the speaker.
It’s duality only exsists due to the capacity
for cruelty in men’s hearts… or women’s.
Both are as likely to curse another
with this life altering utterance.
Once viciously used, once Pandora’s box is opened,
it’s never truly the same afterward,
it’s never quite shut again.
Try as you wish, no ammends are complete.
The word leaves it’s mark on the receiver.
I dare not divulge the secret
I will say this:
Speak not in anger and do not be rash.
Words can be powerful.
Burning bridges can consume in a literal sense…

I REGRET TO ANNOUNCE THE CONTEST HAS BEEN COMPROMISED AND THEREFORE IS OFFICIALLY CANCELLED.

I APOLOGIZE FOR THE SUDDEN DECISION HOWEVER IT IS DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND MY CONTROL.

JUST FOR FUN… IF YOU WOULD STILL LIKE TO VENTURE A GUESS YOU MAY ATTEMPT CALLING THE EGGLINE AT 908-FOR-EGGS.

THANK YOU

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A preposition for you

Posted on February 18, 2013. Filed under: goofy crap, Miscellaneous, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

scroll down… you know you want to

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Near.

There you go! Have fun.

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I Found My Muse

Posted on February 13, 2013. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, justice, Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I blogged in J.R. Lamar’s comment box. I kind feel like I farted in public.

iBLOGalot

Well, yesterday, February began, marking the beginning of the 43rd annual official “Black History Month” in America.

It also began the the 43rd annual official month where racist White guys complain about there not being a “White History Month.”

I’m reminded of a story that my brother told me years ago. At a job he was working at, during February a White coworker asked him if this was “Black Appreciation Month”. We thought that was hilarious. We were like, yes, everyone, it’s Black Appreciation Month, so make sure you take the time to call up all your favorite Black people, and let them know how much you appreciate them. 🙂

I should also note that, despite what Morgan and that interviewer said, there IS a “Jewish Heritage Month” (MAY), but that’s not the point. I do take issue slightly with Morgan Freeman’s last response, where he said the way to…

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Jesus would tip

Posted on February 1, 2013. Filed under: goofy crap, justice, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I couldn’t help but slap this onto my blog. It is actually started as a comment on the page but then I realized I was standing on a soap box when I finished typing so I said wtf, I’ll blog this puppy.

It’s this kind of idiocy that makes me comfy being more hermit than not. There are so many people walking around just oozing ignorance and stupidity… but don’t point it out because they’ll misquote the bible and knock the hell out of you for insulting them… ( ok, that’s not really factual, that only applies to faux christians, the ones who believe in Jesus but go Jewish when mad… eye for an eye??? Jesus never kicked anyone’s ass, he turned the other cheek. You know the ones, they tell you how they’re better christians than _______ because they _______. …Wow, really? Clueless to the sinfest they’re reveling in generally I silently back away and make for the door, kinda like when you walk up on a snake in the woods. (quietly, slowly, easy… little further…. almost there…. now RUN!)          hahaha!!!    They can get pretty pissed, radical christians are Neo don’t you know? The One. Clearly ready to fly solo up in heaven too because they, and they alone know the path to divinity, and if you don’t agree – well you’re going to hell (after they kick your ass)

Here is my response to the article (a.k.a. a you suck at normie rant, quiet on the set… and…. ACTION!)
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
Where is the logic in this hypocrite’s actions? She’s supposed to be a person of God? Tithing is 10% of one’s INCOME.  The large party auto gratuity, based on people IN YOUR PARTY, is in this case, 18% of the DINER CHARGES.
It’s this kind of backward thinking (or rather failure to think) that sets off a hilariously ironic illustration of the “Big 7”:
Vanity (a condescending attempt to insult the waitress)
Greed (dodging a tip that was rightfully earned)
Sloth (failure to set an example as a positive spiritual leader ie: Jesus wouldn’t do that)
Pride (signing Pastor above her name, in order to glorify her position, only done out of self promotion)
Anger (obviously she was angry or she wouldn’t have “punished” the server for the restaurant’s policy by denying her payment for services rendered).
She’s just missing Envy and Gluttony.
I don’t know the so called “Pastor personally. I’m not saying they are or aren’t there, the forecast is grim if her actions in this instance are any indicator… Anyone can say they are christian, proclaim they are a holy person, doesn’t mean it is true. I can swear I’m a pony, doesn’t mean you can saddle me up and win the Kentucky Derby.
The woman is an embarassment to organized religion, what do clergy and the like do? Abdicate? is the a Vice Pastor to step in?  Maybe real pastors will gang up and have an intervention and save her “flock” from further exposure to ineptitude.  (hint hint) Just a thought. Ms Bell, you need to start over, find someone learned who understands the christian tennents and a psychologist who can end your delusional grasp of what it takes to lead others.  I get the feeling your reputation was pretty smudged before the receipt hit the internet.  I am not a christian but I do believe in the christian tennants and that christianity is nothing but a positive and benevolent religion. Actions such as yours tarnish the reputations of humble people of faith everywhere. I am not without sin by your standards but I’ll cast my stones, feel free to lob them back — but when you do, please make sure they are composed of logical, rational statements/rebuttals and free of contradiction and hypocrisy. Otherwise they tend to have a boomarang effect.
I am not claiming to be perfect, I am just not cruel and deceptive and attempting to be a spiritual guide to others while clearly deluded when it comes to proper morals and making judgement calls.

She’s totally going to hell…   which sucks because I’m told I’m on my way too, it IS about suffering!

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View the spew

Posted on January 11, 2013. Filed under: a look in my book, goofy crap, Mental Hurling, Prose, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

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Steal what you will
I refuse it
I can not be me and
You can not
Have me
My pieces
Have never fit
You prove
Nothing
With
Gossamer
Threads
I will

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tribute

Posted on January 9, 2013. Filed under: Announcements, justice, Miscellaneous, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

I’ve decided not to publish the post as promised to KTRE Lufkin/Tyler for personal reasons. I apologize to anyone who may have been expecting to see it however at this point in time I feel it was a mistake to make the sentiment public.

Thank you and my apologies.

Stacy

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Talkmonster

Posted on December 3, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

It’s not that I talk my ass off to torment people. I realized it’s a weird habit, part of my brand of damage. I’m actually thinking out loud in a sense. It might be annoying because I’m hard to follow (I jump on tangents compulsively but eventually come full circle.) I have to laugh at me, for the longest it bothered when I was ignored. Now it’s distressing when anyone acknowledges me. Hahaha Truth be known, it started because I was the only one I knew who grasped a concept I wanted to bounce around… Needed to actually ~hear the words~ for that perspective if nothing else. And we learn through repetition… I wish I knew someone like me. Who could grasp/learn/understand/synthesize almost any info/concept without effort, torn up with my own stupid blindness to my own hypocrisy, know exactly how others tick psychologically and how they could be such happy people if they embraced a simple premise (they won’t tolerate the notion of me speaking so that’s pie in the sky.) I am able to do just about anything ~~ except function in society in any way that isn’t to my detriment. I love me, messed up and idiotic as I always tend to get I always have. That’s so awesome in my book. I wouldn’t trade my nightmares for anything. I’m stressed, yes, but it’s been worth all the agony, humiliation, instant hatred and massive confusion to understand now who I’ve been all along. I’m crawling with defect, I just recently realized the answer to the question haunting me my entire life. And, WOW! It’s unbelievably awesome and in many aspects completely vile at the same time … I love the irony (: If I start some verbal assault around you whoever you are… Two choices A. Lemming response : mental mute button, “uh huh… Uh huh… k…gotta go…” et al Or B. Tune in for a few, try to get the gist of what I trying to say or am blathering about… Interject or add on (be my hero, teach me something new) or ask an off the wall question completely off topic. I’ll know the answer or I’ll produce a new one adhering to the given parameters. If not I will be able to produce specific or related/relevant, legitimate information of some sort off the top of my head. Stupid egg tricks right?
No practical application that I’m aware of and trust me, I’ve been making a desperate attempt to find anything of the sort for decades (alone, way far and gone on my own generally)
Add that I’m not an acquired taste. Either I’m like human crack and people all about my bullshit OR they are like Mikey and I’m not cereal, one taste of me and I’m spat out in disgust, occasionally followed by retaliatory acts of cruelty and violence twice with lethal intent. I am and have for a long time been, benevolent in nature. Chosen to allow others to be vicious and spout ignorance, condescend, and quietly tolerated it to prevent conflict. I’m tired of it. Collectively, you all wore me down. I can’t expose myself to any situation that would by nature suggest innundation with lack of knowledge/education, intolerance and aggression. I am done taking every hit for a team that by a majority, loathes my existence because I’m “weird.” I am disgusted at the thought of being rude, and odd in that with glee I’m ready to go there. I am quite capable of going lots of places, fortunately I have the intelligence to know what is right and what is always wrong and can never be excused or justified. I pose no threat to life or property, I relish the thought of freely naming cruel aggressors insecurities and shortcomings in public in order to humiliate and create emotional trauma. It’s a gift. (: Push, I’ll let it go. Shove, people should never embrace physical violence. I won’t raise my hand against anyone. Hypocrite that I am, you never meet anyone who uses more destructive, targeted verbal abuse in your life. I didn’t realize I was doing it until recently. Now that I can’t deny it and I am aware I try to watch my tongue. I’m saving those insights for those who need to grasp their place. Nobody is any better than anyone else. We are all special in our own ways – all flawed and insecure due to different circumstance. Drop the need to belittle others to feel ok about yourself and that’s an excellent start.
I’m going to do it! Why not? I’m not going to lose friends over it. I have two and they’re enlightened tolerant and accepting. (: Yay project! Watch, I make a decision like this… Nobody will be ugly towards me or attempt violence again. It’s a daily concern, protecting my child is always playing out in the chaotic noise in my head.
One constant clear image. They attacked her at school, Conroe, Tx. a cess pool of ignorance, populated by people who embrace stupity and devalue education. Their school district treated me like an alien for some time when I would appear to check on my child’s progress in education, socialization skills, emotionally appropriate reactions, etc. They were the most inept, unbelievable group of clueless school administrators surpassed in their ineptitude only by the disgrace the call an isd police force (add the little control freak lackey under Judge Mett’s (illogical man) who blessed my child with the words: yes, when you spit fountain water on your attacker’s shoe she had every right to punch you repeatedly in the face as you stood motionless compelled to not put your hands on another student by the school vice principal (manipulating her disability) Now, say what I want,how I want and this all goes away. Refuse and at 13 you’re guilty and its on a permanent record clear to college apps. Really? My daughter was tormented for months by a gang you incessantly ignored my questioning of your intent in regard to… Their concerted hatred culminated in a vicious brutal attack and it’s MY kids fault ?
Tick tock asshole
? Huh?
Exactly. (:

We’re free of the situations, learning to live with the past without denial. At least I am. My baby, I’ll be supportive when it she gets to this point. Whatever her process may be, I’m onboard. Of all the things I never expected, all the surprises in my life, no shock, no revelation, realization, nothing at all was as nearly fatal as realizing who my most vicious sadistic relentless tormentor has been.
Me.
Instinct? Creepy iq, severe genetic deviation to the point of singularity (my personal arrogant favorite) blah whatever. I saw what I could be ok with seeing. People were who I needed them to be. I live in a delusion so persistent it lasted 40 years. Now, I know me.

Believe me, don’t. Like it, hate. Be happy, angry, lash out, light me up.
Ok.
I can handle it. Honest! Here’s the deal tho. I have NEVER denied my mistakes, flaws, shortcomings. Pretty hard to insult me. I know a lot better than anyone else by skeletons and disgraces. Point out a flaw, if it’s new to me I’ll thank you for finding a fresh horse corpse for me to pound. Accuse inaccurately, I’ll clarify. I am not hiding much. Be ready to be just as naked, if you’re not able to admit your defects and damage I have no issue giving an initial assessment of yours for you. (: My insight is pretty damn accurate and never really washes off (; Its not to be vindictive as much as it is educational. Everyone is equal in the big picture. I had quit school in the 10th grade. (did a month or so as a junior then my unwelcome pregnant ass was gone) I didn’t stop learning everything I encountered with intent, by proximity, synthesis, deduction, questioning anyone speaking of anything I had never heard of or needed to grasp. No teachers, tests, just wanted to know.
It’s a byproduct of my defect. I love it. Hard road to here, rather me me than anyone, promise. Wouldn’t wish this on anybody though. Anyway I am tired of blathering, no clue what set this crap in motion. Thinking on a cell keyboard is akin to trying to discuss abstract concepts with a toddler. Slow and tedious. I can only surmise subconsciously I decided needed atone for some transgression and this… Everything about this is badong in my world. I’m done. Psycho Stacy, you’re sick. Hahaha! (I like looking at myself that way, makes me giggle) Seriously I’m tired of my mouth/blah blah zipping it.

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tacky

Posted on November 28, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, goofy crap, Miscellaneous, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

I want warm fuzzy boots. That isn’t happening for me with a christmas crazed teenage daughter romping all over my bank and credit cards merrily as she babbles about what’s cool and how the world we know will wink out of exsistence if she doesn’t wear/look like/have/get/know/blah.
She is to my wallet what a dyson is to carpets   ———————-       AND I LOVE IT hahahaha

Back to my feet though

Yeah, I’m tacky. Pretty please could you please click the stacy clark (egg here shh that is my in burrito personna) cartwheeling haiku eccentric lookatme button to vote. YAY You just start with this —> https://www.lovefromacorn.com/view.php?ad_serial=539  (SPANKS! I hope or spanks anyway if not)

fuzzy boots fuzzy boots fuzzy boots (coleman socks …shut up) fuzzy boots fuzzy boots huuuh huuuh <gasp> <pant>  rah rah, blah you get it right, … imagine I did a hurkie and stuff yay!

 

do this and I promise I’ll shave my legs, even tho it’s pants weather, sweartagawd

I’ll prove it! pic, video… sound off. vote. get me to the top ten and I’ll honor the outcome of the run off. Tattoo pics/videos and all <gasp>

That’s right, I’ll show my ink!  <what the hell did I promise????>

 

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Needy

Posted on November 28, 2012. Filed under: Mental Hurling, Miscellaneous, Musings, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

An ancient tool, little else
passed from hand to hand.
Its origin is unknown
- workings quite the mystery
Each who wields it leaves their mark
- shapes future outcomes.
But such things lay in mystery
to random hands.
The tool, a marvel a menace,
some leave, work incomplete 
incapable of tolerating the unmistakable
and incessant noise it produces.
Those who tolerate and persevere 
are rewarded with wonder and delight.
Once set in motion this tool
- indescribable!
Yet fallible, it lays silent,
glaring signs of misuse and harm scattered
across its silent form.
Even in the most malevolent hands
it has produced surreal sights,
sublime beauty.
It has a purpose and that is its gift.
Time and distraction combined 
to cancel the mechanism
It makes no sound.
Serves no purpose.
Produces no inspiration.
It withers alone, useless.
The victim of oversight
and inertia it waits.
Its inner workings longing 
for needy hands.
Denying the passage of time
since it last heard 
the useful whine of its gears and cogs
The constant audible reassurance,
I am here
I am of use
I can astound!
Stupidly, it sits immobile
hoping for the day desperation
leads curious hands
to let it feel alive one more time
Willing in every inch of its being 
to reward that with magnificence.

escm?11tymm
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Think

Posted on November 11, 2012. Filed under: Mental Hurling, Musings, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Those who claim to love themselves unconditionally generally do so ignorant of the true nature of their own mind. The duality of our thoughts are attributed to “evil” or outside forces. This can not be true. From the simmplest notions to the most complex emotions we are programmed. We behave and conciously think as we do because we are taught and conditioned to do so for the benefit of society.

However

To love yourself – all of yourself – you must accept the fact that that little voice in the back of your mind, …is valid. Those terrible thoughts of murderous rage. Lustful indiscretions. Selfish thoughtless-gimmie. Illegal, immoral, the pit is deep and dark. Those thoughts would  be acted upon if not for your training. Can you accept that? Think of all the horrible things that have crossed your mind. You conceivably are capable of each. Your subconcious spat it out, you created it, your doing.

Think long and hard about who you truly are.

Still in love with you?

sccirca10?

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Aw crap

Posted on October 25, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, justice, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Man, I’ve been on stinknasty simmer for hours since my storage place called to tell me some Dane Cook wannabe felt compelled to do a B & E … I’m kinda ashamed nothing was stolen… ANYway
Someone called the eggline and…. Hungthefookup .
’tis not the “Jour D’Oeuf” of that I’m now certain. It’s hardly news if  you’re in the know.

Yawn.
Ta!

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Soccer moms=Clown shoes

Posted on August 26, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, justice, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , |

MOMGYVER !
Why?
Because I HAVE to.

YEAH!   eatit petty princesses

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Dead battery
Yeah, that’s some 2x4s and a freak carseat from the gutter (whilst mid nose-fling take an instant and let the word ~leverage~ caress your frigid intellect … feelin the gyvery goodness yet?)
I feel it. Like I fell down a high speed 10 story escallator while getting jumped into an angry gang of cows.
Call me MooGyver? In The Herd names are the whole thing. Can’t throw a herd sign worth a cow flop with hooves.

I digress…
I’ve been screwed 8 hours.
New Caney you douches – eatit.

I’M FREE EATIT EVERY ASSHAT WHO DID

NOTHING

especially the ones who slowed to read, then drove off without dropping out of 3rd.
Hope you get a splinter hahaha

Seriously tho, eatit.
I have a clutch to pop

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Level baby
Rrruuuuoh

Oohmigawd

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Eggstacee.com

Posted on August 20, 2012. Filed under: Announcements | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

It is FINALLY working. At least it is online. It’s a practically bare page hehe…

The hosting company threw me a bone and fixed the issue preventing it from going live.

NOW the fun part, filling it in!

http://eggstacee.com

Yay!
The ground is now broken on the playground (:

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If I were a pony….

Posted on August 19, 2012. Filed under: goofy crap, Miscellaneous, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

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Hey, my camera flips! I need some sleep. And, wow, I’m getting old.

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Reprieve

Posted on August 13, 2012. Filed under: Mental Hurling, Musings, Prose, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

Silenced.  My voice means nothing
My words are all I have, all I am left with
Once proud and possessing qualities that made me whole
Complete
I am, was, stripped of all and left with my words
They fall on deaf ears
Air passes from my lips with thought and feeling,
At times great emotion accompanying it
The sounds I make are meaningless.
Reduced now to ink and paper
Searching for those who would understand
I see Hope.  What I recall Hope to be.
The world turns a deaf ear to my one remaining sanity
Save an island of hope
A promise of things I dare not say aloud
Lest the spell be broken
I long to freely admit my desire
Damn this self imposed gag order
I want camaraderie.  I long for sympathetic ears
I need intelligent banter.  I crave reciprocation
I sit, drowning in apathetic masses –
Unaware of the horror their mundane existence represents
Therein lies no beauty, no emotion, no truth
They grind and they shun simple words
Because they represent complex notions:
Why?  How?  What if?
Do you see?
Their eyes tightly closed they shuffle through life
Refusing to stray from their blindered paths
I need joy.  I’ve learned to relish my pain
I have to stay off their path
I endure, and have done so, because I have felt what it is
To be alive
I have died many times and come back
There is no blinder to negate that
The common consensus will not “see”
They refuse to hear.  Can NOT accept my words
Deny my voice
I cease to exist, it is their comfort
I can not stay silent
Though I may be ignored what is festering in me must be expelled
I will not allow my voice to be lost
Hope – my island – Hope listens
Hope hears, Hope understands
I say this now, know your true name
Walk with me, listen and know
That in doing so, You are Hope

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the contest eggline is back.

Posted on August 6, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, goofy crap, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

***** 908 for-eggs ***** is back up and running. You can call me with your guesses again!

the 908 for eggs line is temporarily dead, thanks to T Monster, I mean mobile (no, I meant monster)

I will be stomping mudholes in someone’s hiney shortly …

t monster squashed the egg line temporarily (908 for eggs)

Till then email Magic Word Contest guesses to eggstacee@hotmail.com

I am soooooo eventually going to lay it all out for everyone… it’s bad.

First, resolution, then – they bite the soap

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Dominoes

Posted on July 19, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, justice, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

Free, thought we were safe, then:
the car didn’t even stop, but the one behind the soulless asses did. July 16th, 3:15 pm Coco was hit by a car. That night, surgery. Recovery, ongoing but POSITIVE!
Drainage tube might be out by the weekend (:

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I’ve kissed my last ass

Posted on July 7, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, goofy crap, Mental Hurling, Miscellaneous, Prose, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

I promise I’m ok. I am a rubber ball. Every time, then, now, next time…. always. I know why I’m here, I know how to endure physical, mental and verbal abuse. Doesn’t matter what happens, I will always wind up on my feet.

I pull rabbits out of hats left and right. Know why?    Because I have to.

Know how? ……………. Neither do I. But there they are.

And here I am.

At the moment, I am all about doing what I need to get done. I NEED someone to renew my faith in mankind. I KNOW there is someone out there as so speshul as I am that the term “think outside the box” is funny. ( I laugh because I have to poke my head IN the box so people can understand me the majority of the time.)

The Magic Word Contest HAS MORE PRIZES… LOTS OF WICKED NEATO COOL STUFF, V A L U A B L E stuff. I want to give someone neato fun things!  

DO NOT PUT YOUR GUESS IN THE COMMENTS – IT WILL NOT BE ACKNOWLEDGED . I WILL SIMPLY DELETE IT.

CALL 908-FOR-EGGS with your guess. only one or two guesses per call, don’t call me trying to read the dictionary I’m going to call you a dork and hang up. (i really will) and if you blow up my phone and make me have to give up my toytoy number I took half a day to hunt down I am going to wish a splinter on you. (bank on that too)

haha!   ahem.   moving on:

Ok, Jewelry from the Marcimallow collection. Yes

I will create a work … satire in a timely manner or… something “deep” haha some of that purty mental vomit they love to publish and never pay me for if given time (I have no control over when or what that is about… it is a subliminal defense mechanism, I have no idea what I have written <consciously> until I’ve finished and I go back and read it. that’s why when eggstacee.com is up I intend to scan in the original and offer a typed translation. ALL mental vomit (prose) is hand written. ALL of it. The way the handwritting turns out is a part of the work. If that makes any sense. I know what I mean.    Your choice, I will throw down on whatever I find silly about some aspect of something in whatever area you choose to point me OR you can wait until I’m forced to banish the unbearable event from my mind by binding it to paper.

Ok, ADDITIONALLY there will be…

something egg related (obviously)

something really juvenile but neato cool anyway (because my inner child was always miserable and I explained why things were the way they were and knowing how she felt can’t resist the chance to indulge the crap out of her… we are so tight I let her run things often, No one can tell us apart anymore haha)

and I will ask a question that will seem odd but it will determine the very nature of the awesome prize I will choose for you.

I want to have fun.

I want to do fun things.

I wish I had the time to mess with ssl or csl or abc.. no wait, got that.   the web page crap that is specific to the template I INSIST on using because I adore it.

I’m so mean to me haha, gimme gimme huh… ok. Happy now, you have it and you can’t use it. Brat.

I earned it.

I’ll kick it in the butt… right after I put my life together in a way that I proper.

Tmobile managed to elminate what I accomplished … as promised.

It’s ok

I kept really clear undeniable records.  I don’t have much else to do to kill time till I can close on a new home.

nana… nana……. nananananan (insert jaws music)

(:

I’m going to start with the store on I-45 and FM 1960 in Houston, TX where the Manager and two employees joyously bashed humiliated lied belitted, one arrogant defective thing suddenly blathered nonsense and lunged at me claiming I was enciting violence! I was a bit freaked to say the least.

They lost their shit when I named them each and thanked them for their participation in my ability to prove the company wide malcious manipulation or exploitation of my disabilies and gleeful attempts to assure my misery and inability to persist in any capacity.

I called about the pseudo cop they threw on me as I tried to leave the parking lot to understand what I’d done that was criminal. The manager’s response after a 2 or 3 second pause was…. <click>

hahahah LIKE A BOSS

I called back and asked once more to help me understand since I have NO experience with crime crap … what brance of law enforcement do I need to contact to know what I face if I tresspass like I was warned not to do… <click>

What a man!

PLEASE   …do it.. embrace the opportunity to make someone admit they were evil. The manager of the store, when I stated I am pretty clear now that you really don’t like me… responded that’s right, I DON”T like you.   No, NO not at all.

HAHHAHAHAH wow, customer service with a grimace.

call and ask for me?  I get hung up on

 

and go find the magic word game!

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too blind

Posted on June 1, 2012. Filed under: Mental Hurling, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

there it sits, a pathetic sight once caught by wandering eyes

design flaws rendered the line over after launch, few exist if others at all

not novel nor sought, no value assigned, stripped for scrap but left with one ability

intertia, none bother to know but avoided as if cursed,

no touch gave power to unlock the intended purpose encased in the derelict form

a secret, a test, a gift based on curiosity and drive to experience

lost things, a treasure and a dream

necessity to connect, find a mirrored path

silent and a dire reminder of suffocating solitute

to hint at it’s truth destroys its purose,

to utter objection destroys any hope

resigned to silent torment in secret

watched it sits, avoided, awash in disgust but a source

of individual solace

a chance at liberation

worth waiting

time is just time

it passes and patience is a price willingly paid

for a chance to face any reflection

such kindred emotion, patience is my bane

a price to pay, always a price

….. pain dulls over time

sit… learn… pay

endure in persuit of that moment

to have that moment

any price

pay pay perpetuate pay

kindred and waiting willing enduring…

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YES WAY!

Posted on May 27, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I am finally at a place of such understanding… immersion therapy? I am so clear now .. thank you for your criminal nightmarish no less than torturous … 4? 5 month assault to lead me to my own liberation. I am able to accept who I am, who everyone else is, my place and my ability to know I have no desire to struggle to pretend to belong with people who are constantly embracing and demanding affi…rmation of things irrational and illogical. I am non violent. So many people are, intolerant, judgemental, violent, hateful… ok. I am not. I have no ability even force myself to be around anyone of the sort. I accept the term disabled and wear it with a smile. If you fear me… Good. Stay away. It isn’t for your safety… I’m harmless. It’s for mine.
haha in my declaration of liberation… I overcooked my celebratory (vegetarian yaya) cheese pizza. No silly juvenile declaration of being a neon banana (hammock juliemeowmeow hehe) to make me giggle – or creation of any scenario real or theoretical is going to undo the fact that my choices are… eat overly brownish cheese while it’s hot OR let it get cold while I Momgyver a solution to make it g…ooey.
Either way… I’m going to enjoy my pizza and I will happily… and completely with all sanity and intellect in tact and under no way as a result of instability… tell my pizza all about how wonderful it is and it’s beauty for being what it is. And that I am going to eat it whether it wants me to or not. Not to cause damage, just because that is why it exists. My pizza is going to do nothing but be put in my mouth chewed and swallowed. It is my friend in that it won’t give me a nasty look (…..) and will just let me feel expressive and I find such joy in that.
Pat yourselves on the back. I talk to inanimate things so I have a way to embrace a chance for expression without any incapacitated intellect judging me by using ignorance as a reason to (haha) feel smug and foolishly indict my sanity.
Wow, that pizza is reeealy wrong. I’m off to try not to abuse some pizza rolls. I’m so going to euthanize my abhorant creation and spare the poor thing on my stove haha.  Here Coco (:
(Coco isn’t Mikey, she won’t eat ANYthing, but my babypuppy always gets first shot before the fatty ratties get treats… if none of us can stand it…  banishment to oblivion=Trash)
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Silly posts!

Posted on May 23, 2012. Filed under: goofy crap | Tags: , , |

They hadn’t poofed – they were just hiding. Shy lil’ boogers. They’re brave now… I sent them out to crawl around. That makes me happy. That and proclaiming myself a magic cupcake.

Oh… Also, enjoying patiently awaiting the eventual control of @Santa … Oh it’s real – constant exposure to me causes insanity. Tweeting myself an @Santa puppet is just a sip…

Kool aid for ALL
HAHAHAAHA

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Necessity

Posted on May 8, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

Calm, there’s air. Pull – Correct. Acceptable.  Now conform.

Not to convention, An asinine supposition.

Adhere to your set construct. The Concept is clear.

The mechanism, established.

Try to resist if necessary, to question sharpens the intellect.

Do so tethered to the concrete. The axis all sentience, in its time of peril defers to. A limbic compulsion. Muscle memory.

Tout. il n’y a pas un seule autre.

Universally, all return to that which allows the psyche to permit existence

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What wind?

Posted on April 29, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

Wind? Wait, there’s nothing natural about that airflow – it’s caused by how badly I’m sucking at figuring out css and website stuff.
I ~SO~ need to find something that lays out the basic premises (premi?) of how to begin to grasp it overall. I have to figure out how to hold the whip and the chair just right to coax it into submission.
I’m pouting – On the inside.
Eventually I’ll tire of Egypt and get away from deNile

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EUREKA!!!!!!

Posted on January 13, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I ACCIDENTALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO DO WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR  D A Y S  NOW.

WHOO WHOOO WOOOOOO

 

GO GO me!

It is ON, I’m going to kick my domain’s BUTT tomorrow

YEAH

-MomGyver

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Woah Nelly

Posted on January 11, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

eggstacee.com   …ahhh….

I jumped on the host’s site building tools like a necrophiliac locked in a morgue after hours.   NO clue where to start so I called tech and they assumed from my lack of a need for spoon feeding I was – and I quote – a “twirly head”  … a code mistress and threw my into drupal and joomla (all css or ccs whatever, It was like trying to see the redheads dozer saw in the scrolling code in the matrix, meant jack to me) They thought they were being helpful …

WRONG

I was knee deep in dip.  So I jumped all over everything else quickly learning they wanted more scratch. I already paid what I’m going to pay. Any ads on MY domain will be tucked away together to huddle in a “closet” page and EVERYONE will be warned before getting anywhere near it. I’m not down like that.  The domain is my bitch. HAHAHAHAHA

HA

So, anyway, it’s been mutating like the crap in a hot lava lamp lately, for that I apologize but I’ve been trial and erroring it. I THINK I have it now.  At least I have a crap ton of cool stuff lined up. Now I have to see how to fit the puzzle pieces together.

Today I had an uber bitchin thought… EGG HUNT contests with prizes yeah yeah yeah.  I had QQ rolling with the crap I’m going to lay out.

House of Egg. My own personal playground and OHHHH how everyone is invited. It’s in the works, I promise it may look like hot ass in the beginning (now) but that’s just part of the fun.  Like having a puppy, better, having a neighbor with a puppy. You get to watch it grow, play with it, goof off and all but don’t have to lift a finger to help it along (:

Laugh with me as I screw this thing up and MomGyver it into what I know it can be in the back of my head !

I have NO CLUE what I’m doing… I just know what it is going to be when I’m done.  I’ll get it done if I have to put my flip flopped foot off in my isp’s arse. (hiiiya)

yeah baby… supernocodewysiwygbangbangpartyhouseclickGO!

http://eggstacee.com  I have no idea what it looks like right now, I’m too scared to peek. waitill I slap the plug ins and widgets and superuber dropdown menu on – then who’s the boob.    boobs   haha I said boobs

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Drumroll Please

Posted on January 6, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

HTTP://WWW.EGGSTACEE.COM lives!

Ok, so I spent two days figuring out that Joomla is latin for Stacy knows JACK about css and formatting (and templates and posting and layouts and script and …. blah …blahblah..ect)

So I tucked my invisible tail and lit up wordpress.org on my host and slapped a temporary page with a little tease on it.  Mea Culpa (did I spell that right?) Pardon Moi, odelay, whatever but it’s not funny… it’s

d I F f e R E n T

Like me (:  It’s going to be my virtual nest… kinda like the spot I laid claim to on the far end of the couch here at my rl house. Only BETTER – Oh YEAH.  I’m going to rock it’s socks off… or whatever the nerd equivilent of that is.  I’ll have to do a search while I’m looking up how to church up a website.

Wait, not church it up, make it ~bitchin’~ !  Yeah, somebody drag my teenager in here so she can translate “cool” for those under 30…

I’m so gonna MOMGYVER that monkey trucker

YEAH

http://eggstacee.com

rockin the domain, fear that. I’m spreading like mono hahahaha ewww social diseases. Nobody lick the screen and we should all be alright.

fair enough

-s

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Moving SOON

Posted on January 3, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I have plans… yeah, big plans. I want a home, a place of my own. Somewhere I can stretch out and feel comfortable.

Be myself (whomever that may be at that moment)

Somewhere I can make sense out of myself – maybe give others insight into me. (I’ll feel so naked . HAHAHAHA like there’s anyone who hasn’t seen me naked at this point?)

COMING SOON….

La maison d’oeuf.   eatit (no please don’t. not really)

I’m building a nest, I have to wait for a man named Daniel and then it begins.  It all begins tomorrow!  I hope I make it a nicer place than my rl house (: I’m SUCH a slob hahahaha

I hope to see everyone (and I DO mean everyone) there in the future. ooh ooh a webwarming party! I want presence hahaha punny huh?

Come see soon, I’ll let you know when it’s time. It’s going to be legen…

 

 

    wait for it

 

 

…dary!

 

-s

(Much Love NPH)

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Naked MomGyver – yeah!

Posted on October 28, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

I have no idea how old you are but, hopefully you know who McGyver is. The dude is the baddest dude when it comes to getting out of a pinch with practically nothing on hand. Give him a paper clip, a tennis shoe and a jar of jelly and he’ll make an explosive device that will hinder but not harm whoever might be chasing you and give you time to book ass to safety.

That being said, I’ve been a single (and a single mom) since I was 17. If I needed something done – I pretty much had to do it myself. There wasn’t anyone around to teach me jack so I learned by necessity how to “McGyver” my way through things. I use my MG skills in the kitchen, for home and auto repair, any projects, you name it. Lately I’ve evolved into: MOMGyver.  Yeah. MomGyver, I like it. My kid (Q) thinks it’s cool too, she wants to be a kidGyver. I tell her to give it time.

I came into the house yesterday and it was mildly warm outside. It was almost HOT in my house. I stood on the vent (trailer, yeah I know… get it out of your system now… … … done? Ok carrying on) I stood on the vent and it was weakly cool but blowing warmish. Nooo! I’ve been through this once before. I have an elderly land lord and he always blames the major repairs (the ones I just can’t do because they require a new part I can’t or won’t purchase,) on us. It was our fault the hall bath had a slow leak and needed a new floor. Go figure

I knew what I had to do. (This is the whoowhoo part.) The best way to clean the coils on an ac unit in a trailer like mine is nude. Yeah I said it, naked. Disassemble the exterior and get all the necessities (soft bristle brushes, hot water, cold water, canned air) and stripped down to your skin.  I say go nudist on this because it’s messy work. You will also need a towel and a hand towel/cloth. TURN THE AC OFF. Haha  Ok, pour the hot water over the coils slowly letting it trickle through to the bottom. The tray should fill up then begin to drain, if not you use the small brush (ghetto translation: old tooth brush,) and clean away the area where the drain is located. That generally gets the water moving. After that you go underneath and use the canned air on the back of the coils to blow whatever might be stuck inside to the surface. This is the messier part. You’ll look like you’ve gone mini mudding but it gets the job done. Use the big brush to move the messier chunky bits upwards to the top and wipe them away, rinse the cloth in the bucket as needed. By now you should be soaked in sweat (from the hot house) and your top half should be flecked in debris from the air blasting. Bathe the coils in the cold water to cool them back off. Use the canned air on any electrical connections that may have been splashed on because you were careless and let water get everywhere. Don’t feel too bad, even Naked MomGyver is guilty of this one or I wouldn’t know to mention it. Reassemble the unit and turn it on, give it about 5 to 10 minutes to cool off completley (It’ll happen while you take a shower sweaty grunge monster,)and tada!

You don’t get to claim actual McGyver status if you roughly follow my instructions, I had to figure them out for myself so it’s my baby. If you wind up having to do something totally weird and deviate completely and still get the job done, you can say with pride, “I officially McGyvered that mutha!”

Keep it up and you can evolve into any kind of Gyver you wish… I use the technique on my child – thus MomGyver. It’s a little complicated, maybe I’ll post an explanation another time.

-S

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BlogKu and General Spew

Posted on October 23, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

It’s strange. I never, I mean NEVER shut up. I usually write as much as well. The odd thing is trying to figure out what to put on here. I decided when I started this not to be one of those people who bitch and moan about their “woe is me” issues… that’s pretty much why I’ve been silent for so long. (If you can’t do the math on that one, just hit the little X button on the top right and save yourself now)

That’s the thing about bipolar. My moods come and go, sometimes one will stick around longer than another. I miss mania haha. I’m attempting to get to a point where I’m “surfing the high-end” so to speak. I’m on a med cocktail that should safely get me there. Trick is to hit the crest and stay there without flinging out like a hypersonic projectile into outer space. (I have my shrink’s cell and pager numbers and I’m not afraid to use them, much to his chagrin!) The thought of that happening seems impossible at the moment. Ah the joy of the down-swing, I know it well.

Having said that, I think I’ll move on.

It’s hard to be funny when you haven’t been out and about much to see the humor in normie behavior/action. Around the house I crack my 13 year old up. Don’t be fooled, 13 and more intellectually on the ball than most adults in this godforsaken backwoods in which we reside. I’ve crammed vocabulary prefixes and suffixes, word origins and so much more down her throat since, well birth, that she’s a teacher’s wet dream.

Last night I introduced her to Haiku. She is a poet like myself, and like me (totally my influence, yes) she writes free form verse, a very loose style, somewhere between prose and poem. I loathe rhyme. I find it trite and pedestrian.  Hmmm, I need a word here that rhymes with gopher and means punch bowl.  I think I’ll change it to digging ditcher and pitcher. Yeah, you did it! -who cares about the original intended imagery. (asshat.) Because that’s so true to what the original thought you wanted to express, right? I say fook that. I only respect one “standardized” form of poetry… haiku.

To hammer into Q the 5-7-5 syllable structure I started by knocking out an old one I composed and delivered to my favorite icon, The Rev. Maynard James Keenan. I know he got it, it was confirmed. As if the source confirming it weren’t enough shortly after he received it he changed his homepage for the first time in YEARS from an image of himself making a peace sign that partically obscured his face to, you guessed it … a HAIKU.

Woohoo, my brush with fame. His haiku was about The Aristocrats but hell, who composes and publishes a random haiku straight from their rump and slaps it on their previously neglected homepage ~unless~ they had recently been inspired? That was ALL ME. SuperpartybangbangrocketpartygogobabyWOW! I was (and am) pumped about it (to this day.) The Rev and I go way back, (in my head) haha.

Ahem, as I was saying, I knocked out my Maynard haiku then proceeded to spew forth random “randy” and sometimes downright dirty haiku out of the blue. They came like naked ninjas. I had my Q cracking up till she did unladylike things. (She was laughing too hard to blame it on the dog.) I even went as far as to make a limerick/haiku bastard lovechild.  There once was a man – The man was from Nantucket – He had a big … you get the picture. Q did too, she had bladder control issues, I loved it. I can make that child laugh till her face is a rictus of pain. Utter silence, eyes squeezed shut, arms out – contorted oddly with hands locked and fingers splayed. Total immobility. Like a snapshot of a seizure. Then there’s an exchange of air, not sure if inhalation or if she’s exhaling, either way the sound is the same… the dog is the first to hear it and her head pops up in confusion, then it falls into the human range. It’s a high pitched yet breathy gasp (inhalation I suppose then,) and the “Still shot from the Exorcist” moment ends. She doubles over clutching her abdomen gasping for air cursing me for whatever bodily function failed her. I remind her that no one can MAKE you do anything. If you played the butt trumpet it was your choice to unleash your hold on those sphincter muscles…

She doesn’t go for it. At the mention of butt trumpets she decides to do an encore more often than not, followed by an awkward dash to the ladies. The journey looks like a dazed hungry zombie… slow, graceless, yet with purpose. I ADORE my QQ.  Her laughter, (or most times, inability to laugh because she’s caught in a full body spasm of complete hilarity,) brings me such joy.

There’s no feeling in the world like making your kid laugh till they fall over, literally. She actually has ROFL and LMAO (LHAO). We don’t use insulting acronyms, they’re an abuse to the person you speak to and those particular two are trite and untrue when used. (Unless you’re present during a goof session between my Q and myself and you want to quickly describe her status.) I’ve never before or since seen someone roll on the floor laughing, until my Q.  She loves to hate me for it. I love her for loving me so much to hate it when I do that and still ~beg~ for more!

I have no idea what I intended to blog about, I just kinda started typing. I know when Q gets wind (hehe wind, butt trumpet) of this she’s going to be furious. I will explain it was for the sake of art and expressing myself.

 I’ll do it through interpretive dance. She LOVES that one hahahahahahaha

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My coin, flipped

Posted on September 18, 2011. Filed under: Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Thick tendrills reach out of darkness, creep along – drag their way across anything in their path.
Blind, yet they move with purpose. Each seeking to fufill it’s intent.
They lust for flesh.
Twisted fiverous doubt and misery. They hunt in the absence of light.
Unknowing, we offer ourselves to the horror.
No,
not all, only those of us who lack hope.
That inner light whose glimmer banishes the atrocities.
I yearn for such a radiant source. I knew it long ago.
Time is relative –
could have been yesterday.
The only certainty is now.
As I go to close my eyes I do so knowing I sacrifice my flesh and mind.
Chemically, I have no choice.
Having said this, I reluctantly slip into the void.

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Back from the dead(ish)

Posted on September 16, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

I’ve no idea how long I’ll be around, I’ve no idea what I’m up to lately. It’s been forever since anything’s been clear. Med changes and I are NOT friends. I have an horrific time, every time, it would seem. One mitigating factor is my refusal to be hospitalized… when you’re sitting at home having adverse reactions it can be difficult to coordinate everything necessary to rectify your situation. At least in my case it is. I can’t speak for anyone else because I only know one other person whose condition is much like my own (similar diagnoses) and that is my daughter. Fear not (as if) because,

I am a rubber ball

I can and have endured SO MUCH more than this speed bump. My mother (who really tries now but never understood anything about my particular psychiatric issues in the past,) told me something a LONG time ago that was BRILLIANT. It’s something I have used ever since to soothe myself, to justify whatever horrid thing I’ve had to go through be it mental, situational or physical. No matter how hard I try there will never be a way I could express the magnitude of the impact of those words on my existence. I was rather young and in the midst of a terrible depression I was failing miserably at dealing with she said:

You’ve been through this before and survived, you will get through this too. You may not remember how but you know it has happened. You will be alright.

Kind of  obvious in a way however in heightened states of anxiety, pain, panic or fear, those words repeat in my head like a mantra. I’ve endured more than I care to share, a lot of things I have no memory of, things I’d give anything to forget – all because I spent those eternities in utter chaotic hell clinging to that gift my mother gave me. 

I ask you to read it again, think about it. It’s simple yet so easy to forget when things get rough. I don’t see how it wouldn’t work for “normies” as it does for me. Everyone has their demons/nightmares to endure.

I share this because it has made me strong, because I think it can help others, because it is a large part of how I exist. I don’t pretend to understand my mother or our relationship, but I will always be indebted to her for the beautiful salvation she bestowed upon me. Just when I needed it, in a way I needed to hear it, from the person I wanted to hear something from. She was THERE for me. In this way she’s been there for me through it all, her words … they changed my life, I wish I knew how to express that to her. … . We just don’t talk that way anymore, never really have that I can recall. No, that’s not true, I know we had a fabulous relationship when I was a child but as I got older and my “defective chemistry” wreaked havoc on everyone around me (and myself,) I annihilated a LOT of bridges.

In closing I honestly have to say I hope everyone reading this has someone in their life like my mom. Unknowingly she gave me the key to unlocking the path to my own salvation. I’m not there, but I live a better life than I ever thought possible. I feel incapable of convincing her of my sincerity if I were to try to explain all this to her. I don’t believe she really trusts me and I don’t blame her. I was FROM HELL for a long time. I wasn’t properly diagnosed AND on beneficial medications untill a handful of years ago. If my mother was my salvation that makes my sister a SUPERHERO.  That story is for another time, for now – I have to stop. I feel weird now having poured all this out on your heads. It’s not something that I normally do regarding my mother. She gave me life, knowledge, bitchin’ genetics, and a handful of words that changed my life. I gave her hell. I love her, I really don’t know if she’s comfortable with that considering our history.

My gift to my mother is my relative silence. It’s what everyone’s been getting lately. I’ve learned that everyone seems to like it to some extent… some a LOT more than others. I talk too much, I realize it now more than ever. It’s a nasty face full of reality to discover that when you fall silent after being so talkative, no one raises an eyebrow or a phone to even say hello. I usually learn quickly, I think I just didn’t want to believe this dose of reality, I’m happy to go back to blowing bubbles now. Shortly I’ll post an old-ish piece of prose, maybe I’ll have some more to say, maybe not. I can’t concern myself with who’s not caring anymore, it’s detrimental.

-s

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This is a Public Announcement: TEE HEE

Posted on August 1, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

Umm, oops.

I have to apologize for the abrupt break in regular blog activity.  As you may or may not have noticed if you read regularly the last post was a bit off the beaten path for me.  I don’t do medication changes if it can be helped and this has been no exception. Mostly out of personal protest hehe but this time it was physical reaction.  (Bad physical reaction.)  Top that with my obstinate insistence to remain unhospitalized and you get one horribly scrambled egg, over hard. (is that possible?)

Well, to make a long story short. (Is THAT possible?) I will be back to mouthing off soon. Once the residual physical effects have gone away I’ll be back to my old smartbutt self again. In the meantime I’ll be chock full of Benedryl and ??

….I’m feeling MUCH better now…

I’ve always wanted to say that. I’d be more fun if you got the facial expression that goes with it.  I’m not all the way back but soon. In the meantime, so you know I love you – click away. Laugh your ass off, I know I do – LOVE you some Higa, he’s a genius!

Benedryl makes me sleepy –  Peacy Outu,

-Egg

-Stacy

TEE HEE Much love, a true higaholic

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Better living through chemistry

Posted on July 29, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

I’ve been mute more or less since I moved my blog. For that I have no other explanation than … well I’ve had nothing kicking around in my head to spew forth. Spew. Ha! I like that word. If you knew me (or if you know me and ever bothered to listen to me,) you would know when I write it’s all about incessant noise in my head. I’ve no control over what I write, it just jumps out of my fingers (or pen) and tada! There it is. No editing, no forethought other than the “gremlin” in the back of my throat chanting a few lines to me about the beginning subject in general and MAYBE a tangent. SO having said that…

The gremlin stirred today.

I’m in the midst of a medication change. Yay. I have this strict “no hospitalization” policy and my shrink knows it. Changing my meds is like changing a tire with nothing but a paper clip, a pillow and a hammer. No telling how you’re going to get it done but you know you need to make progress. My shrink is the Ultimate MacGyver. I can MacGyver the CRAP out of objects; he fixes my head (at least enough for me to remain “safe for public consumption AND responsible for the process of producing a viable member of society.”)

Fear that. (Bitchin run on too, ya like that, huh, do ya?)

I crack up when people get wind of what I take in a day. I swear I have no gag reflex. (No, I’m not trying to get dates… I swallow a lot of meds, doing so all at once is just a time saver. It also limits the possibility that one of the uncoated bad boys will attach itself to the roof of my mouth –shudder-. )  Moving on… I’m so chemically compromised I have no idea what I’d be without them – other than a stark raving, mood swinging psychotic succubus that is.

So here I am in my wonderful “get 14 straight hours of sleep/stay up 24 hours/repeat” cycle of lovely blahblahblahidone and dahdahdahidol (mutherfu marcimallow says shut yo mouth) new medications. I, being the superstar that we all know I am (I use the term We in the Royal Singular,) decide I to go to the Soso Center. Smaaaart. It’s like 10 pm. I’m driving down the road with pulse pops (wth do you call them? Everything is fine then your pulse pounds erratically kind of staccato anywhere from once to maybe 5 or 6 times. When it happens to me it’s like a wince noise… kind of funny, not painful or anything. It feels like being startled. Probably has something to do with the assload of amphetamines I’ve been eating for years to counteract the butt-ton of sedative type stabilizers and anti-depressants I practically mainline. Ahh the joys of trying to act like you haha. I don’t mind, like I know any different?) So like I was saying, I’m driving down the road and the pops start to come and go, when they do the contrast of lights and pitch dark (I live in the sticks) begin to make me giggle. It was a weird effect. Like in a cartoon when things get bulged out slightly then back to normal, split second of that then again… again.  I’m snotting I’m laughing. It was about then I noticed the cartoon boogie men in the shadows near lit areas. Nothing scary (hallucinations are not an issue with me, I know them for what they are, always have so it’s not been something that has come up as any sort of problem to medicate.) So I’m digging on the whole black and white cartoon monster thing till I hit the highway to the SoSo Center.  Goodbye Boogiemen, was fun while it lasted. The light had banished them. I considered turning around but I’m pretty sure it was a one shot wonder. Things like that don’t repeat, that would be too fun!

I hit the greeter at Soso and I try to open my mouth to ask a question and, lucky me, I couldn’t say a word.  Cotton Mouth.

Nice

Side effects can eatit. I put my head on my arms over my purse in the basket while holding up the Hang On finger… dug for anything that would inspire slobber in the cavern I call a handbag and HAHA thanks again Hall’s. Their slobber drops (strawberry) work like magic. Of course I thought I was going to have to rub it on my eyeball to get it started but it did wind up working. I made it out of there in record time (for me) and was back on the road. NOTHING fun happened on the way home. Nothing.

I supposed I’ll call my shrink’s office tomorrow and moan and groan but not because of the carnival I’m starring in after dark, ONLY because I can’t hack this messed up over medicated, circadian boffing nightmare sleep cycle wrecking cocktail (;

I have no idea how you might take all of this, it’s a little off from my norm, it’s more personal than I’ve ever really been about me, don’t expect too much like this in the future. I think in a way I’m more curious about all of you so I’m offering something of myself. I see myself as normal. There’s nothing amiss or lacking about my life. I don’t pity me, feel as if life did me wrong, I think I’m lucky to be honest. I feel bad for most people and I don’t mean to condescend by saying that. Nature compensated me for what I lack in emotional stability and looking back I wouldn’t have it any other way. I KNOW certain things, I see things most don’t. I have a point of view that you can only get from looking sideways (so to speak) and yet I still can look through “normal” eyes. I’ve been on both sides of the society/outcast coin.

I think what the gremlin is trying to make me say (hehe) is:  I want to know if you think you’re weird or just me, what you think is normal, have you accepted who/what you are (I joyfully embrace it now,) How do you handle life – or can you?  Stuff like that, I have my answers, I wonder if other people do. I really would like to hear a “normal” (by that I mean non-mentally disturbed, imbalanced, psychotic) person’s take on ANYTHING.  Throw any answer in the comments, be anonymous if you wish, make up your own statement, but please, enlighten me!

-Spacy errr Stace Cadet wait, no

-egg

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SMProverb

Posted on July 24, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

An electrified world full of hypocrisy, there your claim: top of your kind

Your sham dripping with irony because what you tout is maligned

Audaciously you solicit adoration, arrogantly blow your own horn

But woe to the fool pushing platitudes to which their ego can’t conform.

~Eggfucius   circa: onayesterday~

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Old Posts don’t die…

Posted on July 23, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

Old Posts don’t die…. but then here everything is new. Take a peek at what bipolar is like without complaints or explanations shoved down your throat. Experience the whirlwind with none of the moaning and groaning… hehe I keep the crybaby stuff for the privacy of my home (should it roll around, and it does.) I’ve recently migrated and just want a chance to show my stuff. I’ll have new material asap but for now, hop in and have a laugh, sate your curiosity,or  just be weird (like me!)

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Old Posts don’t die…

Posted on July 23, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

No, old posts don’t die… people don’t realize they exsist in the first place from what I’m gathering!  There’s some fun stuff back there. Poor little posts have been shoved out of the limelight by younger, prettier, newer posts. These forerunners deserve some accolades (uhh yeah, credit and stuff) for being trailblazers and breaking new ground in EggBlogging. Why not give them a read, they are in order from oldest to more recent…  Allonz-y, off you go now. The Queen of nothing commands you to read.  (Like that’s going to work – So Majestic explains why….)

https://eggstacee.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/so-majestic/   My first post and simplest piece of prose, I’m VERY proud of it and yet no one has really had a chance to see it.

https://eggstacee.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/do-dah/  A schizo romp and homage to my old blog’s game widgit Othello. Not relevant to wordpress but funny regarding Marcimallow so worth a peek

https://eggstacee.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/why-its-greased-lightning/  THE INFAMOUS DEATH CAR POST. I’m about to fall over, I just found out several people I know had no idea what I was talking about when I spoke of the “death car.” I’m accusing them of being traitors, (earning a ride in the death car hahaha,) but they just didn’t know of the post at all. 
Alors, voici.. je l’ecrit pour vous maitenant mes palourdes. <- a kickback to an old old attempt at a minor blog effort

I spent some fun time on those posts, I hope they get enough exposure to make a few people laugh (or think) too. I’ve never been one for keeping my skeletons in closets why should old posts be any different? (8

-egg

-Stacy

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Magic Word Contest

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Contests | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

It’s here, it’s here – try to figure out the Magic Word Contest. and WIN

Real contest, FREE TO ENTER, Multiple guesses welcomed

ANYONE can enter and WIN (except where prohibited by law)

(Where it’s prohibited I haven’t a clue, we’ll play it by ear!)

Real PRIZES   whoohoo!

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20 items or… EATIT

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

I’ve learned a great deal over the course of my life so far. I’d like to think of myself as possessing a point of view that the population at large would never stop long enough to consider much less contemplate. Born the way I am, I’ve always felt like an “outsider” that I didn’t fit in, no matter how hard I tried. OH how I tried, for years and years I tried. I have to say that attempting to fit in is probably the root of most of the misery I endured in my past (ultimately.)

Ahem. SO, I’ve learned that I am MUCH happier on the fringe of society than in the mix. I love me some Internet. At least now I do. We have Marcimallow to thank for dragging me kicking and screaming into the social media scene for that. (smooches) I bring all this up to illustrate a point. I’m generally a smartbutt. (This post is verbally sanitized for your protection.) I crack me up, a lot of times it rubs off on others. I love getting a laugh. The last few days I’ve been having a dry spell (oh geez my dog just had the vapors, startled me – off topic but eww,) ok. The thing is, my epiphany today, is that I have nothing fun to say when I am home safe under my rock.  (MAJOR EWW that wasn’t the dog it was a bug whose flight sounds like flatulence, it landed on me and I b!(@# slapped it away, now it’s ??, great) Moving on. I’m not inspired to write anything humorous until I am out lurking about with “normies” (I use the term loosely.) “Normal” people crack me up.

I caved earlier tonight and went to the So-So Center (it’d earn the title Super if it had Dill Pickle Chips… nice try Blob that eats small businesses.) I normally don’t shop there but the hour and my shopping list left me little choice. So as I cruise to the far end of the world for french vanilla creamer, someone hid the kind I wanted so I nearly had a hissy, I kept my cool and karma revealed my prize – yay. It was at that point I dove into my cavernous purse iso the pacifier for Bobo, the monkey on my back. Horrified I realized my electronic cigarette was back home on the table by my “nest” on the couch (where I presently am plopped.) There went my mood. (No, not a swing, I’m allowed to fluctuate as anyone else would without it being a “polar” issue…)

I grumpily head over to hardware n stuff. Normally I’m all over everything on that side of the store like a molester packing ether but I was a good girl. I needed to fix the toilet handle arm thingy. I knew exactly what I needed and headed straight for it. There was an older couple and a sweet lil old lady asked me if I was doing a little home repair. I told her I just had to fix the potty handle and was proud of myself, that I’d been good and was “swatting the lil devil on my shoulder telling me to buy everything else on my way through hardware.” She looked down at the cinnamon rolls and frozen pizza I had in my cart and had the audacity to look at me sternly and say, “You swatted him away, did you?” I told her, “Eatit,” smiled and walked away. (hahahaha)

Some people are just butt heads (sanitized)

I felt better having told off an old lady (I know I know) and headed to the checkout. There were plenty open but all had small lines. I didn’t have many things but they were arranged flatly and completely obscured the bottom of my cart. Guiltily I went to the Express Lane hoping for the best. As I put my good girl stuff on the counter (eatit old lady) I noticed a woman with her daughter and their cart “runneth over.” The woman stopped at the first express lane and the teen pushing the cart never skipped a beat, heading past towards the “lotta stuff” lines. The scrawny leather-tan woman called out, “I don’t care I said come here!”

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Oh it was ON hahahaha I cheered up instantly. NOBODY gets to be Princess whoopdedoo in my world but me. I pull some cheese stunts but this was just plain ignorant and wrong.

Even ~I~ in my wildest ultra-radian category 6 kaleidoscope of mood swinging episodes wouldn’t pull such a heinous faux pas. I may be a misfit but I’m no scumbag.

I IMMEDIATELY commenced to an audible verbal assault. Everything from a rousing round of “Who can count to twenty?!” and “Oh WOW, we’re too late, look at the ignorance and that THING has already reproduced, I hope it’s not genetic.” (I quickly decided to lay off the kid.) I proceeded to The Count from Sesame Street with my checkout lady. Do you know why they call me the count, because I love to count! ONE hahaha, TWO hahaha. and TWENTY hahaha NOW STOP, no really STOP, seriously S T O P… all with an uber fake Dracula accent. I realized there were two younger men behind me in line laughing (the checkout lady had tears she was laughing hard, I just ranted the whole time about the stupidity and audacity of the leather-tan numerically challenged chick at the counter beside me) I asked the dudes behind me, can you believe that? Then proceeded to slam her anew. I “called” the guy in the blue shirt on my “finger phone”… “Hey blue shirt dude, check out that dingbat with the monster cart in the express lane, oop, wait, got another call, …hey can I call you back, I’m telling my new friend about this ignorant lady with like 100 items in the 20 item lane, I think she’s ~speshul~ click… OK, I”m back. Good talking to you but I’ve gotta go, tell your friend I said Hi.” They laughed more.

I thought I’d be fun to get more involved. I looked at their basket, said Right On and shoved my hand out at the closest guy saying, “I want to shake your “I can count to twenty a$$ hand, you rule.” An unexpected snort noise popped out of him when I said it and laughingly shook. As soon as I turned to his friend he was already scooping up my hand and giving it a FIRM shake as he pipped in “NINE!” pointing to his cart. I squeaked -laughing so hard I couldn’t make a real noise. He didn’t give me a chance to say anything he wanted his turn. The checkout lady was fanning herself with a clean up towel and blotting her forehead and kept looking slyly over her shoulder then busting into gales of laughter she kept trying to stifle. My things were bagged and I paid for my stuff, it took probably ten minutes to get my things scanned and bagged because I relentlessly was ripping on that douche in the other line with her 90+ items… I paid and my lady handed me my receipt squeezing my hand grinning as she did.

I had a moment of shame when I realized I hadn’t actually counted my things and sheepishly looked at my total. I peeked at it, licked the back, stuck it to my forehead and loudly pronounced TWENTY. Then threw in “TWENTY – TWENTY ITEMS IN THE EXPRESS LANE AH HA HA” just like The Count again high fiving the lady and the guys behind me. I saw the ignorant woman out of the corner of my eye shooting me a go to (you know where) look and she flipped me the bird. I flashed all ten of my fingers in the air twice to indicate 20 smiled, peeled my receipt off my forehead and strolled off laughing feeling smug as (you know where.) (Orbitz mouth baby)

Karma started to kick my ASS for that one. (can’t sanitize that, it was coming – I’d earned it in spades, I just knew it was going to make me eatit.)

As I approached my car in the parking lot the first thing I noticed was that I had left my headlights on the whole time I was in the store

Oh no! The world is a wheel.

I tell myself it was worth it, I haven’t laughed so much in I don’t know how long, made everyone else in earshot laugh too to some degree or another.

(For the record, Karma had just warned me, the car started right up. Maybe Karma has a sense of humor too?

-Stacy

-egg

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