Magic word contest -CANCELLED

Posted on February 23, 2013. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, Mental Hurling, Miscellaneous, Musings, Prose, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Ask anyone to say the magic word
invariably they will say “please.”
That is a fallacy, a lie, it holds no power.
I know true magic.
A single word – when spoken properly –
can devistate.
This word can end lives.
Destroy families.
Cause the mightiest of men to question their own worth.
This damning word is tricky,
it is generally benign in nature.
We use it every day.
The evil magic it holds is manifested by the speaker.
It’s duality only exsists due to the capacity
for cruelty in men’s hearts… or women’s.
Both are as likely to curse another
with this life altering utterance.
Once viciously used, once Pandora’s box is opened,
it’s never truly the same afterward,
it’s never quite shut again.
Try as you wish, no ammends are complete.
The word leaves it’s mark on the receiver.
I dare not divulge the secret
I will say this:
Speak not in anger and do not be rash.
Words can be powerful.
Burning bridges can consume in a literal sense…

I REGRET TO ANNOUNCE THE CONTEST HAS BEEN COMPROMISED AND THEREFORE IS OFFICIALLY CANCELLED.

I APOLOGIZE FOR THE SUDDEN DECISION HOWEVER IT IS DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND MY CONTROL.

JUST FOR FUN… IF YOU WOULD STILL LIKE TO VENTURE A GUESS YOU MAY ATTEMPT CALLING THE EGGLINE AT 908-FOR-EGGS.

THANK YOU

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A preposition for you

Posted on February 18, 2013. Filed under: goofy crap, Miscellaneous, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

scroll down… you know you want to

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Near.

There you go! Have fun.

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ID the Insect!

Posted on February 7, 2013. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, goofy crap, Miscellaneous, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Wtf? Found un an apiary enclosed in a leaf cocoon filled with brown fibrous strands. The deads leaves were like leather and nearly impossible to separate.  Once it was open, this was hiding inside (NOT the onslaught of millions of tiny nightmare spiders like the back of my mind ran screaming into oblivion insisting…)

Now, what in the HELL was it going to be???
Anyone? Please? For the record.. it’s a hefty little paul atreides wannabe…

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Find an entomologist, tell him you have a surprise for him. Throw him on here… tell him I’ll send the critter if it gives him a tingly.
It’s a trippy little weirdo.
Any educated info would give ME a tingly! Now, jumpon the comments!! Gogosupertalkypartyfunyeah!

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Words O the Week

Posted on February 4, 2013. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Increase your vocabulary with Egg!

Estricles : és-truh-kuls / es-trúh-kuls : (n) (informal) (Feminine) – 1. A spontaneously generated organ (also includes mutation of the female ovaries) creating a state superior to that of a male attributing his virility to his testes.   2. A declaration women may make once they realize they are quite capable of not only accomplishing, but improving on the acts they once relied upon men to perform for them. A response to “How did you manage that?”    ex. 1. woman a. “I just told him to get lost” woman b. “How are you going to make it alone?” woman a. “Girl, I’ve got estricles, I can do whatever comes my way, no problem.”          ex. 2. f.a. “You just walked out on him?” f.b. “Yup, his smacked my cheek so I racked his butt and skated.” f.a. “NO WAY.” f.b. “You KNOW I’ve got estricles I NEVER cower over threats or violence I stomp that $h^t out.” f.a. “you’re ninja”

FEBOT : fee-bow (silent t) – (declaration) A term used singularly to indicate disgust, disapproval, or indicate a strongly dissenting opinion of an occurance, action, statement, or situation. (Not a noun – nothing IS febot however upon learning of or being exposed to something febot is an appropriate response in itsself. It indicates a strong, openly negative reaction.  ex. 1. The dog just farted! Febot! 2.  I saw your boyfriend kissing some bleach blond skank! -febot  3. You made your special meatloaf for lunch? fe-BOT.

 

thanks for expanding your vocab with Egg, stay tuned for more spontaneously generated words, phrases and random linguistic abuses to come without warning in the future, peacy outu ching ching. (higaholic)

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Inspired by J.R.Lemar

Posted on February 3, 2013. Filed under: goofy crap, Mental Hurling, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I’ve waited more than my share of tables in my life, it’s just a “sit down” restaurant’s way of getting out of paying a real wage to servers. Tipping is SO misunderstood by many people who’ve never worked in the service industry. Too many people justify either not tipping or punitive tips over some silly bit of minutia that did or didn’t occur while they smashed pancakes or baby back ribs in their pie holes.  Waited more than one minute for a top off of their beverage, screw the waiter… I want CRACKERS, f that witch, (I got stiffed at Denny’s because a whale in a mu-mu lost her shit when I returned with her drink order and NO crackers and butter! What in the hell was I thinking miss me? Didn’t I know how to do my job. Like they were supposed to just sit there at a table (couldn’t fit in a booth had to wait 5 on a busboy for a table) with drinks and menus and NO POTS OF BUTTER to slather on CRACKERS? Wholly shit. I have not read from the Book of Fat, I never got to that point in my education? I plead ignorance? wtf.

Shortly after rectifying the situation I was “set straight” by gnashing, greasy, cracker crumbed whale lips. “You know, if you’d have just been civilized and had the crackers, none of this bad blood would be happening.” Wow, I agreed and promptly went to scream obscenities in the walk in because it was all I could do not to reach down her throat and save pinocchio.)

uh, ahem  I mean, Customers expect perfection and infalable service as if they were the center of the universe when generally they are the center of your section of 5 to 6 tables of 4  – or worse, a big top of 20 and they are the sattelite (only table not “borg’ed by the team) and the black hole effect of the 20 people talking at once leaves your table of two agonizingly out of your grasp.

Managers don’t give a flip, all they care about is that you show up when their schedule says for you to and you don’t look or smell bad. Oh, and kiss butt…. hot food, butt kissing, smile, if they’re upset, kiss more butt and give them free pie.  I can do that hell. Free pie generally fixes most stuff in the low/mid end sit downs.

Ahem, no pie, no.  Shhh,    ok, no pie.

SOoooo  people assume that since you have other tables you’re making BANK and they blow off the tip, they assume you make at least minimum wage because it’s THE minimum wage (wait staff are an exception america, they get boned. Server minimum wage was like $2.15 last time I saw it, It’s probably a whopping $2.50 by now. That’s it.  Servers only get that so taxes and ss can come out of what WAIT STAFF MUST CLAIM AS THEIR TIP AMMOUNT WHETHER THEY MAKE THAT AMMOUNT OR NOT. Servers are responsible for at least the difference between the 2.50/hour and $??? that is minimum wage, further your total sales (including call in take out orders) are added up and a percentage is assumed to have been tipped to you. IF YOU DO NOT CLAIM YOU MADE THAT PERCENTAGE THEY FIRE YOU. If you didn’t make that ammount they assume you suck as a server and let you go. I think it’s like 12% (but really I pulled that number out of my ass.)

It’s been over 14 years since I flung food for strangers. ONE big top can ruin the crap out of you. If you are boned by a large party, the sattelite tables generally don’t tip well because the black hole sucks you in and there’s few opportunities to escape the suction of the massive party to tend to anyone else. If you flinch, acknowledge you heard any one of them, they ALL have something they need EVERY TIME THEY SEE YOU. You can’t evade it. They only way to get to the little guy is to emulate Hellen Keller until you are nearer the small table, clear of the group.

I always felt terrible when I had a borg event, UNLESS they ganged up and ate my whole section, then it was bliss. They were my chillun and Momma Stacy fell right in with feeding the brood. I could, often did, bring out cold food and they LOVED it, because I made them love it, they had 100% of my attention and I don’t half ass much. hahaha. There are a few things I can do so well I redefine the concept. Being attentive/giving attention when free of distraction, getting to make a person/people “royalty” for a day so to speak. THAT, I have fun doing. It’s free and nobody dislikes it haha. I have a lot of that in me. It only fails if someone is inappropriate or demanding, if it’s a predetermined expectation – I won’t/can’t do it. I won’t let me on a subliminal level. You get an adverse effect, obvious forced compliance with the absolute basics required to be socially acceptable. Fake grin auto-pilot (: . I can’t help it! I tell me not to do it but I always bully me into doing it anyway. We argue about that a lot, or did. Now I look back at us and laugh, that used to matter hahaha

um,  hang on… that wasn’t me that was… a friend, yeah.  so I was talking about….. waiters get stiffed for goofy reasons, fat chicks want butter…. big tops have mass, ….  crap… um

OH!  yeah So, the assumption is that with several tables an hour there’s surely a lot of money being tipped. That’s rarely the case unless you’re a server at an upscale restaurant. The more affordable the eatery, the more apt the calculator is to come out when it’s time to tip.

HOWEVER, there are the beautiful people. former servers generally overtip, that’s a given. There are those like my wonderful last commenter on “Jesus would tip” who tips well because he gets the drift, that is beautiful. He’s now one of my co-heroes this week.  Then there are people like my older sister, the NEVER been in ANY service industry and wouldn’t work as waitstaff at gunpoint. My big sis tips like a Rockafeller haha. When I’m in a restaurant with her she is FOREVER commenting on waiting tables, “OH GOD I could NEVER do that,” and “I can’t EVEN comprehend how that waitress didn’t slap that guy square in the face just then, they’d have to pull me off him I wouldn’t be able to stop slapping him” haha She is awestruck at how waiters and waitresses can smile and be nice to EVERYONE while doing things she finds vile. “She did NOT just pick up that dinner roll the baby gummed and drooled all over … omg no ew ew ew that is so NASTY, I want to shower just because I saw it” HAHAHAHA  She tips so SO well, it’s crazy.

When she and I eat out together whomever our server is, they are (I have no other word so don’t read into this) BLESSED ha haha  Lisa tips at least 20 or 30 percent or round up then adds 10/20 bucks, that usually goes onto the receipt which she hands to the server so they’ll know they got a nice tip. She always thanks them and tells them they’re amazing because there’s no WAY she could do what they do. (My sister was the head of IT for a successful high end chain of electronically uberprogressive banks, they catered to the gazillionare types – you know the kind of bank that snickers at “free checking” ~surely you jest~ everything bears interest and you pay for the account if  your balance drops under however many grand.  That kind of Type A successful in the past.

NOW she’s off doing mom and dad love her more cause she was here first (she drilled that one in my head… older siblings, eeeyeah, gotta love ’em?) righteous whoknows but always Like A Boss, type of stuff, but being “not Stacy” I assure you it’s without losing her proverbial poop ala Samburg (no promtion of synergy or fish boffing, no oral self gratification, crapping on desks, she has yet to turn into a rocket and far as I know hasn’t flown into the sun yet) Damaged? Me? What is that supposed to…. come back here… Wait… I’m not, I mean.. friends? Not bad girl.. ..I’m ok really…. hugme? (Mmm mm mm mmm hmm hmm) (insert rocking motion here)

Haha, moving on:
Wow, can you tell I’m avoiding stuff by rambling?

Anyway, Lisa hi. k, bye.

I have to INSIST on one thing, if your server blows you off, gives you attitude, gets snippy or pissy with you, does anything but smile and bust butt to try to make you happy…. DON’T GIVE THEM A DIME. Just because waitstaff survive on tips does not mean they can shit on you and you have to pay for it. The inverse is if they’re doing their best but they make a mistake and are sincere/genuine in doing all they can to make things right, that is no justification for refusing to leave a gratuity.

Thinking you know anything about their tips in any way by adding tables/people/averages ect whatever you see or don’t see, is based on absolutely nothing but supposition. Management often divides sections up in strange ways for even stranger reasons. I’ve seen sections look like checkerboards to accomodate multiple new hires (interspersing them with veteran staff their first days solo) ALSO, every restaurant has their own policies… some make you tip other positions out of you take for the night (busboys get 10% Host/ess gets 5% or some variation of ancillary employee and  percentage of your total for the night) OR there are nightmare places where everyone has to POOL their tips and it’s all split equally amongst the servers (I’d walk. The moment they held the bucket out for my money I’d give them the finger before I’d give them a dime hahaha) There’s no telling what wacky policies there might or might not be, never just assume it’s black and white.

I guess to oversimplify things, pretend it’s your mom serving you, and you’re helping her out a bit on the side. If the overall experience was positive, the tip should reflect it – refusing to tip becuase you had to wait for a minute or things weren’t exactly as you wanted them the instant you wanted it but the server damn sure tried to make it right for you is nothing more than a show of childishness, egotism or plain personality defect. If your waitperson gave a true effort and you walk on the tip, it is nothing more than a reflection on your lack of character and overblown ego.

If you aren’t loaded with cash and the bill is higher than you expected, fess up! I had a couple come in and they barely made the bill… they told me they LOVED the service but they just didn’t have anything left over for a tip, they felt bad. I made SURE that they knew the praise made it well worth it and it would even out over the course of the night, that their company while I waited on them was wonderful and made things easier as I worked. I made sure they felt good about the situation (I sure did because I knew why there wasn’t a tip, an honest reason – I’ve promised myself long ago that I value truth more than material posessions so it was just a beautiful act of generosity on their part.) After they left the bus boy cleaned their table went to the manager giving her something from the table. They had filled out a GLOWING comment card, (in red crayon no less) it made me sound like I was exactly what would happen if Mother Theresa and Robin Williams had a child raised by the peace corps. ( : ( :

I felt like a rock star, She xeroxed it and put it up on the wall in the break room, it went to corporate! I got a letter from the corp office commending me for being a prime example of a Denny’s wait person, thanking me for being part of the Denny’s family, that they appreciated that I was exemplary in providing the best dining experience for those patrons and how the company exsisted because of employees like me. Any no raise, bonus, fanfare, balloon, live buttsmooch, just that, a You Rock form letter.  but THAT rocked because no one at the restaurant had ever seen one before (remember working with me? all this? y’all can still eatit I rocked that table! hahaha)

ok, I have crap to do and I wrote this like I write my mental vomit.  Seat of the pants, I’m not even going to read it (just like the mental vom…. Prose, Published dark allegoric prose, Yeah, that. not barf.  Not to you, that’s just a  um. a joke, yeah an  inside joke here at home

peacy outu

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Jesus would tip

Posted on February 1, 2013. Filed under: goofy crap, justice, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I couldn’t help but slap this onto my blog. It is actually started as a comment on the page but then I realized I was standing on a soap box when I finished typing so I said wtf, I’ll blog this puppy.

It’s this kind of idiocy that makes me comfy being more hermit than not. There are so many people walking around just oozing ignorance and stupidity… but don’t point it out because they’ll misquote the bible and knock the hell out of you for insulting them… ( ok, that’s not really factual, that only applies to faux christians, the ones who believe in Jesus but go Jewish when mad… eye for an eye??? Jesus never kicked anyone’s ass, he turned the other cheek. You know the ones, they tell you how they’re better christians than _______ because they _______. …Wow, really? Clueless to the sinfest they’re reveling in generally I silently back away and make for the door, kinda like when you walk up on a snake in the woods. (quietly, slowly, easy… little further…. almost there…. now RUN!)          hahaha!!!    They can get pretty pissed, radical christians are Neo don’t you know? The One. Clearly ready to fly solo up in heaven too because they, and they alone know the path to divinity, and if you don’t agree – well you’re going to hell (after they kick your ass)

Here is my response to the article (a.k.a. a you suck at normie rant, quiet on the set… and…. ACTION!)
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Where is the logic in this hypocrite’s actions? She’s supposed to be a person of God? Tithing is 10% of one’s INCOME.  The large party auto gratuity, based on people IN YOUR PARTY, is in this case, 18% of the DINER CHARGES.
It’s this kind of backward thinking (or rather failure to think) that sets off a hilariously ironic illustration of the “Big 7”:
Vanity (a condescending attempt to insult the waitress)
Greed (dodging a tip that was rightfully earned)
Sloth (failure to set an example as a positive spiritual leader ie: Jesus wouldn’t do that)
Pride (signing Pastor above her name, in order to glorify her position, only done out of self promotion)
Anger (obviously she was angry or she wouldn’t have “punished” the server for the restaurant’s policy by denying her payment for services rendered).
She’s just missing Envy and Gluttony.
I don’t know the so called “Pastor personally. I’m not saying they are or aren’t there, the forecast is grim if her actions in this instance are any indicator… Anyone can say they are christian, proclaim they are a holy person, doesn’t mean it is true. I can swear I’m a pony, doesn’t mean you can saddle me up and win the Kentucky Derby.
The woman is an embarassment to organized religion, what do clergy and the like do? Abdicate? is the a Vice Pastor to step in?  Maybe real pastors will gang up and have an intervention and save her “flock” from further exposure to ineptitude.  (hint hint) Just a thought. Ms Bell, you need to start over, find someone learned who understands the christian tennents and a psychologist who can end your delusional grasp of what it takes to lead others.  I get the feeling your reputation was pretty smudged before the receipt hit the internet.  I am not a christian but I do believe in the christian tennants and that christianity is nothing but a positive and benevolent religion. Actions such as yours tarnish the reputations of humble people of faith everywhere. I am not without sin by your standards but I’ll cast my stones, feel free to lob them back — but when you do, please make sure they are composed of logical, rational statements/rebuttals and free of contradiction and hypocrisy. Otherwise they tend to have a boomarang effect.
I am not claiming to be perfect, I am just not cruel and deceptive and attempting to be a spiritual guide to others while clearly deluded when it comes to proper morals and making judgement calls.

She’s totally going to hell…   which sucks because I’m told I’m on my way too, it IS about suffering!

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tacky

Posted on November 28, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, goofy crap, Miscellaneous, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

I want warm fuzzy boots. That isn’t happening for me with a christmas crazed teenage daughter romping all over my bank and credit cards merrily as she babbles about what’s cool and how the world we know will wink out of exsistence if she doesn’t wear/look like/have/get/know/blah.
She is to my wallet what a dyson is to carpets   ———————-       AND I LOVE IT hahahaha

Back to my feet though

Yeah, I’m tacky. Pretty please could you please click the stacy clark (egg here shh that is my in burrito personna) cartwheeling haiku eccentric lookatme button to vote. YAY You just start with this —> https://www.lovefromacorn.com/view.php?ad_serial=539  (SPANKS! I hope or spanks anyway if not)

fuzzy boots fuzzy boots fuzzy boots (coleman socks …shut up) fuzzy boots fuzzy boots huuuh huuuh <gasp> <pant>  rah rah, blah you get it right, … imagine I did a hurkie and stuff yay!

 

do this and I promise I’ll shave my legs, even tho it’s pants weather, sweartagawd

I’ll prove it! pic, video… sound off. vote. get me to the top ten and I’ll honor the outcome of the run off. Tattoo pics/videos and all <gasp>

That’s right, I’ll show my ink!  <what the hell did I promise????>

 

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It’s me!

Posted on November 28, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

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Before I Launch into red again… Here I am!

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Needy

Posted on November 28, 2012. Filed under: Mental Hurling, Miscellaneous, Musings, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

An ancient tool, little else
passed from hand to hand.
Its origin is unknown
- workings quite the mystery
Each who wields it leaves their mark
- shapes future outcomes.
But such things lay in mystery
to random hands.
The tool, a marvel a menace,
some leave, work incomplete 
incapable of tolerating the unmistakable
and incessant noise it produces.
Those who tolerate and persevere 
are rewarded with wonder and delight.
Once set in motion this tool
- indescribable!
Yet fallible, it lays silent,
glaring signs of misuse and harm scattered
across its silent form.
Even in the most malevolent hands
it has produced surreal sights,
sublime beauty.
It has a purpose and that is its gift.
Time and distraction combined 
to cancel the mechanism
It makes no sound.
Serves no purpose.
Produces no inspiration.
It withers alone, useless.
The victim of oversight
and inertia it waits.
Its inner workings longing 
for needy hands.
Denying the passage of time
since it last heard 
the useful whine of its gears and cogs
The constant audible reassurance,
I am here
I am of use
I can astound!
Stupidly, it sits immobile
hoping for the day desperation
leads curious hands
to let it feel alive one more time
Willing in every inch of its being 
to reward that with magnificence.

escm?11tymm
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Think

Posted on November 11, 2012. Filed under: Mental Hurling, Musings, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Those who claim to love themselves unconditionally generally do so ignorant of the true nature of their own mind. The duality of our thoughts are attributed to “evil” or outside forces. This can not be true. From the simmplest notions to the most complex emotions we are programmed. We behave and conciously think as we do because we are taught and conditioned to do so for the benefit of society.

However

To love yourself – all of yourself – you must accept the fact that that little voice in the back of your mind, …is valid. Those terrible thoughts of murderous rage. Lustful indiscretions. Selfish thoughtless-gimmie. Illegal, immoral, the pit is deep and dark. Those thoughts would  be acted upon if not for your training. Can you accept that? Think of all the horrible things that have crossed your mind. You conceivably are capable of each. Your subconcious spat it out, you created it, your doing.

Think long and hard about who you truly are.

Still in love with you?

sccirca10?

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Dominoes

Posted on July 19, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, justice, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

Free, thought we were safe, then:
the car didn’t even stop, but the one behind the soulless asses did. July 16th, 3:15 pm Coco was hit by a car. That night, surgery. Recovery, ongoing but POSITIVE!
Drainage tube might be out by the weekend (:

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Necessity

Posted on May 8, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

Calm, there’s air. Pull – Correct. Acceptable.  Now conform.

Not to convention, An asinine supposition.

Adhere to your set construct. The Concept is clear.

The mechanism, established.

Try to resist if necessary, to question sharpens the intellect.

Do so tethered to the concrete. The axis all sentience, in its time of peril defers to. A limbic compulsion. Muscle memory.

Tout. il n’y a pas un seule autre.

Universally, all return to that which allows the psyche to permit existence

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EUREKA!!!!!!

Posted on January 13, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I ACCIDENTALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO DO WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR  D A Y S  NOW.

WHOO WHOOO WOOOOOO

 

GO GO me!

It is ON, I’m going to kick my domain’s BUTT tomorrow

YEAH

-MomGyver

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Woah Nelly

Posted on January 11, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

eggstacee.com   …ahhh….

I jumped on the host’s site building tools like a necrophiliac locked in a morgue after hours.   NO clue where to start so I called tech and they assumed from my lack of a need for spoon feeding I was – and I quote – a “twirly head”  … a code mistress and threw my into drupal and joomla (all css or ccs whatever, It was like trying to see the redheads dozer saw in the scrolling code in the matrix, meant jack to me) They thought they were being helpful …

WRONG

I was knee deep in dip.  So I jumped all over everything else quickly learning they wanted more scratch. I already paid what I’m going to pay. Any ads on MY domain will be tucked away together to huddle in a “closet” page and EVERYONE will be warned before getting anywhere near it. I’m not down like that.  The domain is my bitch. HAHAHAHAHA

HA

So, anyway, it’s been mutating like the crap in a hot lava lamp lately, for that I apologize but I’ve been trial and erroring it. I THINK I have it now.  At least I have a crap ton of cool stuff lined up. Now I have to see how to fit the puzzle pieces together.

Today I had an uber bitchin thought… EGG HUNT contests with prizes yeah yeah yeah.  I had QQ rolling with the crap I’m going to lay out.

House of Egg. My own personal playground and OHHHH how everyone is invited. It’s in the works, I promise it may look like hot ass in the beginning (now) but that’s just part of the fun.  Like having a puppy, better, having a neighbor with a puppy. You get to watch it grow, play with it, goof off and all but don’t have to lift a finger to help it along (:

Laugh with me as I screw this thing up and MomGyver it into what I know it can be in the back of my head !

I have NO CLUE what I’m doing… I just know what it is going to be when I’m done.  I’ll get it done if I have to put my flip flopped foot off in my isp’s arse. (hiiiya)

yeah baby… supernocodewysiwygbangbangpartyhouseclickGO!

http://eggstacee.com  I have no idea what it looks like right now, I’m too scared to peek. waitill I slap the plug ins and widgets and superuber dropdown menu on – then who’s the boob.    boobs   haha I said boobs

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Drumroll Please

Posted on January 6, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

HTTP://WWW.EGGSTACEE.COM lives!

Ok, so I spent two days figuring out that Joomla is latin for Stacy knows JACK about css and formatting (and templates and posting and layouts and script and …. blah …blahblah..ect)

So I tucked my invisible tail and lit up wordpress.org on my host and slapped a temporary page with a little tease on it.  Mea Culpa (did I spell that right?) Pardon Moi, odelay, whatever but it’s not funny… it’s

d I F f e R E n T

Like me (:  It’s going to be my virtual nest… kinda like the spot I laid claim to on the far end of the couch here at my rl house. Only BETTER – Oh YEAH.  I’m going to rock it’s socks off… or whatever the nerd equivilent of that is.  I’ll have to do a search while I’m looking up how to church up a website.

Wait, not church it up, make it ~bitchin’~ !  Yeah, somebody drag my teenager in here so she can translate “cool” for those under 30…

I’m so gonna MOMGYVER that monkey trucker

YEAH

http://eggstacee.com

rockin the domain, fear that. I’m spreading like mono hahahaha ewww social diseases. Nobody lick the screen and we should all be alright.

fair enough

-s

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Moving SOON

Posted on January 3, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I have plans… yeah, big plans. I want a home, a place of my own. Somewhere I can stretch out and feel comfortable.

Be myself (whomever that may be at that moment)

Somewhere I can make sense out of myself – maybe give others insight into me. (I’ll feel so naked . HAHAHAHA like there’s anyone who hasn’t seen me naked at this point?)

COMING SOON….

La maison d’oeuf.   eatit (no please don’t. not really)

I’m building a nest, I have to wait for a man named Daniel and then it begins.  It all begins tomorrow!  I hope I make it a nicer place than my rl house (: I’m SUCH a slob hahahaha

I hope to see everyone (and I DO mean everyone) there in the future. ooh ooh a webwarming party! I want presence hahaha punny huh?

Come see soon, I’ll let you know when it’s time. It’s going to be legen…

 

 

    wait for it

 

 

…dary!

 

-s

(Much Love NPH)

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BlogKu and General Spew

Posted on October 23, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

It’s strange. I never, I mean NEVER shut up. I usually write as much as well. The odd thing is trying to figure out what to put on here. I decided when I started this not to be one of those people who bitch and moan about their “woe is me” issues… that’s pretty much why I’ve been silent for so long. (If you can’t do the math on that one, just hit the little X button on the top right and save yourself now)

That’s the thing about bipolar. My moods come and go, sometimes one will stick around longer than another. I miss mania haha. I’m attempting to get to a point where I’m “surfing the high-end” so to speak. I’m on a med cocktail that should safely get me there. Trick is to hit the crest and stay there without flinging out like a hypersonic projectile into outer space. (I have my shrink’s cell and pager numbers and I’m not afraid to use them, much to his chagrin!) The thought of that happening seems impossible at the moment. Ah the joy of the down-swing, I know it well.

Having said that, I think I’ll move on.

It’s hard to be funny when you haven’t been out and about much to see the humor in normie behavior/action. Around the house I crack my 13 year old up. Don’t be fooled, 13 and more intellectually on the ball than most adults in this godforsaken backwoods in which we reside. I’ve crammed vocabulary prefixes and suffixes, word origins and so much more down her throat since, well birth, that she’s a teacher’s wet dream.

Last night I introduced her to Haiku. She is a poet like myself, and like me (totally my influence, yes) she writes free form verse, a very loose style, somewhere between prose and poem. I loathe rhyme. I find it trite and pedestrian.  Hmmm, I need a word here that rhymes with gopher and means punch bowl.  I think I’ll change it to digging ditcher and pitcher. Yeah, you did it! -who cares about the original intended imagery. (asshat.) Because that’s so true to what the original thought you wanted to express, right? I say fook that. I only respect one “standardized” form of poetry… haiku.

To hammer into Q the 5-7-5 syllable structure I started by knocking out an old one I composed and delivered to my favorite icon, The Rev. Maynard James Keenan. I know he got it, it was confirmed. As if the source confirming it weren’t enough shortly after he received it he changed his homepage for the first time in YEARS from an image of himself making a peace sign that partically obscured his face to, you guessed it … a HAIKU.

Woohoo, my brush with fame. His haiku was about The Aristocrats but hell, who composes and publishes a random haiku straight from their rump and slaps it on their previously neglected homepage ~unless~ they had recently been inspired? That was ALL ME. SuperpartybangbangrocketpartygogobabyWOW! I was (and am) pumped about it (to this day.) The Rev and I go way back, (in my head) haha.

Ahem, as I was saying, I knocked out my Maynard haiku then proceeded to spew forth random “randy” and sometimes downright dirty haiku out of the blue. They came like naked ninjas. I had my Q cracking up till she did unladylike things. (She was laughing too hard to blame it on the dog.) I even went as far as to make a limerick/haiku bastard lovechild.  There once was a man – The man was from Nantucket – He had a big … you get the picture. Q did too, she had bladder control issues, I loved it. I can make that child laugh till her face is a rictus of pain. Utter silence, eyes squeezed shut, arms out – contorted oddly with hands locked and fingers splayed. Total immobility. Like a snapshot of a seizure. Then there’s an exchange of air, not sure if inhalation or if she’s exhaling, either way the sound is the same… the dog is the first to hear it and her head pops up in confusion, then it falls into the human range. It’s a high pitched yet breathy gasp (inhalation I suppose then,) and the “Still shot from the Exorcist” moment ends. She doubles over clutching her abdomen gasping for air cursing me for whatever bodily function failed her. I remind her that no one can MAKE you do anything. If you played the butt trumpet it was your choice to unleash your hold on those sphincter muscles…

She doesn’t go for it. At the mention of butt trumpets she decides to do an encore more often than not, followed by an awkward dash to the ladies. The journey looks like a dazed hungry zombie… slow, graceless, yet with purpose. I ADORE my QQ.  Her laughter, (or most times, inability to laugh because she’s caught in a full body spasm of complete hilarity,) brings me such joy.

There’s no feeling in the world like making your kid laugh till they fall over, literally. She actually has ROFL and LMAO (LHAO). We don’t use insulting acronyms, they’re an abuse to the person you speak to and those particular two are trite and untrue when used. (Unless you’re present during a goof session between my Q and myself and you want to quickly describe her status.) I’ve never before or since seen someone roll on the floor laughing, until my Q.  She loves to hate me for it. I love her for loving me so much to hate it when I do that and still ~beg~ for more!

I have no idea what I intended to blog about, I just kinda started typing. I know when Q gets wind (hehe wind, butt trumpet) of this she’s going to be furious. I will explain it was for the sake of art and expressing myself.

 I’ll do it through interpretive dance. She LOVES that one hahahahahahaha

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My coin, flipped

Posted on September 18, 2011. Filed under: Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Thick tendrills reach out of darkness, creep along – drag their way across anything in their path.
Blind, yet they move with purpose. Each seeking to fufill it’s intent.
They lust for flesh.
Twisted fiverous doubt and misery. They hunt in the absence of light.
Unknowing, we offer ourselves to the horror.
No,
not all, only those of us who lack hope.
That inner light whose glimmer banishes the atrocities.
I yearn for such a radiant source. I knew it long ago.
Time is relative –
could have been yesterday.
The only certainty is now.
As I go to close my eyes I do so knowing I sacrifice my flesh and mind.
Chemically, I have no choice.
Having said this, I reluctantly slip into the void.

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SMProverb

Posted on July 24, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

An electrified world full of hypocrisy, there your claim: top of your kind

Your sham dripping with irony because what you tout is maligned

Audaciously you solicit adoration, arrogantly blow your own horn

But woe to the fool pushing platitudes to which their ego can’t conform.

~Eggfucius   circa: onayesterday~

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Old Posts don’t die…

Posted on July 23, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

No, old posts don’t die… people don’t realize they exsist in the first place from what I’m gathering!  There’s some fun stuff back there. Poor little posts have been shoved out of the limelight by younger, prettier, newer posts. These forerunners deserve some accolades (uhh yeah, credit and stuff) for being trailblazers and breaking new ground in EggBlogging. Why not give them a read, they are in order from oldest to more recent…  Allonz-y, off you go now. The Queen of nothing commands you to read.  (Like that’s going to work – So Majestic explains why….)

https://eggstacee.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/so-majestic/   My first post and simplest piece of prose, I’m VERY proud of it and yet no one has really had a chance to see it.

https://eggstacee.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/do-dah/  A schizo romp and homage to my old blog’s game widgit Othello. Not relevant to wordpress but funny regarding Marcimallow so worth a peek

https://eggstacee.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/why-its-greased-lightning/  THE INFAMOUS DEATH CAR POST. I’m about to fall over, I just found out several people I know had no idea what I was talking about when I spoke of the “death car.” I’m accusing them of being traitors, (earning a ride in the death car hahaha,) but they just didn’t know of the post at all. 
Alors, voici.. je l’ecrit pour vous maitenant mes palourdes. <- a kickback to an old old attempt at a minor blog effort

I spent some fun time on those posts, I hope they get enough exposure to make a few people laugh (or think) too. I’ve never been one for keeping my skeletons in closets why should old posts be any different? (8

-egg

-Stacy

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20 items or… EATIT

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

I’ve learned a great deal over the course of my life so far. I’d like to think of myself as possessing a point of view that the population at large would never stop long enough to consider much less contemplate. Born the way I am, I’ve always felt like an “outsider” that I didn’t fit in, no matter how hard I tried. OH how I tried, for years and years I tried. I have to say that attempting to fit in is probably the root of most of the misery I endured in my past (ultimately.)

Ahem. SO, I’ve learned that I am MUCH happier on the fringe of society than in the mix. I love me some Internet. At least now I do. We have Marcimallow to thank for dragging me kicking and screaming into the social media scene for that. (smooches) I bring all this up to illustrate a point. I’m generally a smartbutt. (This post is verbally sanitized for your protection.) I crack me up, a lot of times it rubs off on others. I love getting a laugh. The last few days I’ve been having a dry spell (oh geez my dog just had the vapors, startled me – off topic but eww,) ok. The thing is, my epiphany today, is that I have nothing fun to say when I am home safe under my rock.  (MAJOR EWW that wasn’t the dog it was a bug whose flight sounds like flatulence, it landed on me and I b!(@# slapped it away, now it’s ??, great) Moving on. I’m not inspired to write anything humorous until I am out lurking about with “normies” (I use the term loosely.) “Normal” people crack me up.

I caved earlier tonight and went to the So-So Center (it’d earn the title Super if it had Dill Pickle Chips… nice try Blob that eats small businesses.) I normally don’t shop there but the hour and my shopping list left me little choice. So as I cruise to the far end of the world for french vanilla creamer, someone hid the kind I wanted so I nearly had a hissy, I kept my cool and karma revealed my prize – yay. It was at that point I dove into my cavernous purse iso the pacifier for Bobo, the monkey on my back. Horrified I realized my electronic cigarette was back home on the table by my “nest” on the couch (where I presently am plopped.) There went my mood. (No, not a swing, I’m allowed to fluctuate as anyone else would without it being a “polar” issue…)

I grumpily head over to hardware n stuff. Normally I’m all over everything on that side of the store like a molester packing ether but I was a good girl. I needed to fix the toilet handle arm thingy. I knew exactly what I needed and headed straight for it. There was an older couple and a sweet lil old lady asked me if I was doing a little home repair. I told her I just had to fix the potty handle and was proud of myself, that I’d been good and was “swatting the lil devil on my shoulder telling me to buy everything else on my way through hardware.” She looked down at the cinnamon rolls and frozen pizza I had in my cart and had the audacity to look at me sternly and say, “You swatted him away, did you?” I told her, “Eatit,” smiled and walked away. (hahahaha)

Some people are just butt heads (sanitized)

I felt better having told off an old lady (I know I know) and headed to the checkout. There were plenty open but all had small lines. I didn’t have many things but they were arranged flatly and completely obscured the bottom of my cart. Guiltily I went to the Express Lane hoping for the best. As I put my good girl stuff on the counter (eatit old lady) I noticed a woman with her daughter and their cart “runneth over.” The woman stopped at the first express lane and the teen pushing the cart never skipped a beat, heading past towards the “lotta stuff” lines. The scrawny leather-tan woman called out, “I don’t care I said come here!”

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Oh it was ON hahahaha I cheered up instantly. NOBODY gets to be Princess whoopdedoo in my world but me. I pull some cheese stunts but this was just plain ignorant and wrong.

Even ~I~ in my wildest ultra-radian category 6 kaleidoscope of mood swinging episodes wouldn’t pull such a heinous faux pas. I may be a misfit but I’m no scumbag.

I IMMEDIATELY commenced to an audible verbal assault. Everything from a rousing round of “Who can count to twenty?!” and “Oh WOW, we’re too late, look at the ignorance and that THING has already reproduced, I hope it’s not genetic.” (I quickly decided to lay off the kid.) I proceeded to The Count from Sesame Street with my checkout lady. Do you know why they call me the count, because I love to count! ONE hahaha, TWO hahaha. and TWENTY hahaha NOW STOP, no really STOP, seriously S T O P… all with an uber fake Dracula accent. I realized there were two younger men behind me in line laughing (the checkout lady had tears she was laughing hard, I just ranted the whole time about the stupidity and audacity of the leather-tan numerically challenged chick at the counter beside me) I asked the dudes behind me, can you believe that? Then proceeded to slam her anew. I “called” the guy in the blue shirt on my “finger phone”… “Hey blue shirt dude, check out that dingbat with the monster cart in the express lane, oop, wait, got another call, …hey can I call you back, I’m telling my new friend about this ignorant lady with like 100 items in the 20 item lane, I think she’s ~speshul~ click… OK, I”m back. Good talking to you but I’ve gotta go, tell your friend I said Hi.” They laughed more.

I thought I’d be fun to get more involved. I looked at their basket, said Right On and shoved my hand out at the closest guy saying, “I want to shake your “I can count to twenty a$$ hand, you rule.” An unexpected snort noise popped out of him when I said it and laughingly shook. As soon as I turned to his friend he was already scooping up my hand and giving it a FIRM shake as he pipped in “NINE!” pointing to his cart. I squeaked -laughing so hard I couldn’t make a real noise. He didn’t give me a chance to say anything he wanted his turn. The checkout lady was fanning herself with a clean up towel and blotting her forehead and kept looking slyly over her shoulder then busting into gales of laughter she kept trying to stifle. My things were bagged and I paid for my stuff, it took probably ten minutes to get my things scanned and bagged because I relentlessly was ripping on that douche in the other line with her 90+ items… I paid and my lady handed me my receipt squeezing my hand grinning as she did.

I had a moment of shame when I realized I hadn’t actually counted my things and sheepishly looked at my total. I peeked at it, licked the back, stuck it to my forehead and loudly pronounced TWENTY. Then threw in “TWENTY – TWENTY ITEMS IN THE EXPRESS LANE AH HA HA” just like The Count again high fiving the lady and the guys behind me. I saw the ignorant woman out of the corner of my eye shooting me a go to (you know where) look and she flipped me the bird. I flashed all ten of my fingers in the air twice to indicate 20 smiled, peeled my receipt off my forehead and strolled off laughing feeling smug as (you know where.) (Orbitz mouth baby)

Karma started to kick my ASS for that one. (can’t sanitize that, it was coming – I’d earned it in spades, I just knew it was going to make me eatit.)

As I approached my car in the parking lot the first thing I noticed was that I had left my headlights on the whole time I was in the store

Oh no! The world is a wheel.

I tell myself it was worth it, I haven’t laughed so much in I don’t know how long, made everyone else in earshot laugh too to some degree or another.

(For the record, Karma had just warned me, the car started right up. Maybe Karma has a sense of humor too?

-Stacy

-egg

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Ok, sure, you betcha, right on

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

I have no idea when the mental blogtomic aftermath petered out but it has for now. I guess the honeymoon is over. The other day everything I came across turned into a blog post. Now my head is like… hmm… nobody wants to hear about THAT.  haha. The gremlin is napping or sleeping or maybe I accidentally swallowed the little booger.

What’s really funny is “advice.” People want to suggest what I should put in, write or do with my blog.  I’m thinking… none of you are what I’d call “successful” in the blog department – what is the appeal in listening to your advice supposed to be? (8  (bitshhh.)

Yeah.

I adore hypocrisy. Not when it involves me having to dine on crow at any point… not like that I mean in others. People get SO intent on what they say or do they fail to see it when they are the perpetrators. Point it out and WOAH, hold on now missy. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’d do right to watch what you say. OR You’re changing the subject, what I’m telling you is… blah blah blah. I have learned something awesome in my $A^#& years of bipolarness.

I have learned the merit in letting wrong people be right. It is AWESOME. You should really try to incorporate it into your personality. You know what I’m saying don’t you?

Someone you deal with says or does something that you recognize immediately as either factually incorrect, patently wrong or just plain ignorant in general. You mention in a pc way that maybe what they meant was ____insert correction here___ and they insist that what they’ve expelled is “absolutely rockin’ the poo.”

What you have to do now is ask yourself, “Is anyone going to suffer horribly over this (other than the slickness that spewed the crap in question that is,) or can this be something that Mr(s/iss) Mouth can chalk up to “Look Ma, I did it!” I’ve found that most times it’s the latter. When someone is really pushy about their faulty statements/ideas generally it’s because they need some sort of validation ~that bad~ and hey, why not be big about it and let them be Neo for once. (Everybody should get a turn at being The One.)

Try not to patronize too much when you bend on the ignorance, and don’t throw accolades over it, just say “ok” and let it go. Tada, good karma and Doofy gets a WooHoo. It’s better than an all out assault on Doofy’s stubborn ignorant pride, that is almost universally futile.

I have an ex I had to mentally throw in the towel and let him think he was correct in thinking there were 52 states. Showing him reference documentation did no good. His mind wouldn’t let him reconcile the facts with what he held true in his head.  -Maybe he’ll go to the King or Queen of Spades on vacation. I pity the travel agent who has to book that reservation. If it were me I’d book him on the next short bus to the closest middle school geography class. I’d even pack a crust-less pb&j sack lunch. …yeah, I’m that kinda badasssuperbangbangrockinmommaYEAH! awwwright

honk

(that was my horn, digit) So anyway. I hope we’ve all learned a little something about ignorant people and choosing our battles! (Shut up Egg it’s not like you’re Mr. Rodgers) Geez, right ok. So I’m barefoot (eatit) and don’t wear cardigans (eatit) and wrapping this up.

That dude I dated, turned out he wasn’t as much stupid as he was a drug addict. #eatit I was the stupid one. LIKE I WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT??? I thought he had untreated mild mental health issues, I was shrink shopping to help his silly ass. Drugs, how in the hell was I supposed to know THAT? (insert your smug comments here, I can take ’em haha I can let you be right…)

Don’t forget to go guess at the magic word, scroll back a few days, enter all you want! Nothing is done with your info, at all. I could care less what your email is I’m not some net wizard. I have no ulterior motivation whatsoever. I just want to have fun with my readers and genuinely want to see if anyone can figure out what the word is/decipher how my mind works.

peacy outu (love me some higa)

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I PROMISE I took my meds…

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Manic episodes can be problematic for the person with bipolar disorder, as well as for family and friends. Bipolar mania may threaten relationships due to the person’s heightened irritability or excited mood. Some people may get into fights, put themselves in dangerous situations, or may even break the law.

I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine

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From Another Me

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Perpetual scabs – unable to heal
mental fingers worry and pick
time and repetition provide sick comfort
wear them like a badge
Survived.  So what?
others care – if worried to that point
pushed and dragged
wear them down – make them see
sick pride – silly games
all justification
a reason to give
a broken psyche to exist
malleable reality is beauty
Chameleon that has been created
rears the appropriate head
-give a situation
get an adaptation-
all to get by – no clear purpose
attempted use of ones self – inept
Fragile – much the snowflake
created by bitter forces
transient beauty
carried by whims
devoid of malice
dangerous to those overexposed
annihilated by pressure
would that I were a snowflake…
Brutally I remain
a collection of wanting scabs.

-sc/ur410/us

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Blog Libs – About Last Night

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Blog Libs, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Grab a paper or start a comment, jot down the following words then fill them in to the story in order. Yay Blog Libs!
 
Noun….adjective….adjective….verb ending in -ing….noun….emotional word….verb…..footwear….verb past tense….noun….noun….noun….verb past tense….adverb(verb ending in -ly)… plural noun… adjective… noun adjective… adverb (verb ending in -ly)… verb past tense….wild animal …. body parts…. adjective….adjective….noun.
 
 
 
 
About Last Night…
 
So there I was sitting on my (noun) when I realized, it was (adjective) HOT in here. I found it quite (adjective) because usually by this time of night I’m (verb ending in –ing) to the point where I’m throwing on sleepy pants and wondering if I should grab a sweater or a warm (noun).
I get up and stand on a floor vent and much to my (emotional word) it feels really warm, just like the air coming out of it! The first thought I had was to go outside and (verb) the unit in the back yard. I grabbed a flashlight and my trusty (footwear) and tromped through the jungle I call a lawn out back and (verb past tense) what I could. All seemed normal.  My next thought was the inside cooling unit. I made my way back through the (noun) to the freshly mown front lawn and into the (noun). It was hotter than (noun).
I (verb past tense) to the hall where the ac unit is hidden. It was so hot in the house I (adverb) made a command decision and took off my (plural noun).  Practically naked, I methodically pulled everything I could off the exterior. The coils were (adjective) ! I rounded up a scrub brush, a chair for height and the vacuum with the (noun) attachment to suck up the clotted dust and dirt. After some (adjective) cleaning and vacuuming I managed to clean out the coils and the surrounding area. I (adverb) put the panels and filter back on the unit and (verb past tense) for the best.
By this time I was sweating like a (wild animal). I crossed my (body parts) and sheepishly turned the air conditioner back on… SUCCESS! It was blowing cold air like (adjective)! I jumped in the shower and threw some clothes back on, tweeted my (adjective) McGyver ninja talents and looked for a (noun) to cover up with. I was really cold again.
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Show me on the doll where I touched you

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

I am human, I promise. Just like any other silly fool out there pounding away at their computer I dig input. It’s tough to please a crowd when you’ve no idea who your audience is… Is there an afterschool special I missed? “How to deal with blog silence.” Kristy McNichol would’ve rocked as the blogger. They could’ve used Mrs. Garrett as the wise/helpful blog guru. I’d have watched. They’d have been on a mainframe and it would have been a four part series while things loaded but I’d have stuck it out. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah, I would’ve. Back then anything was better than PBS belting out Sesame Street and networks with the soaps. (thank you dish! muah!!)

So what does it take? Dancing bears? Dancing Bare? I’m not sure I’m willing to go that far for validation.  (8    Throw me a bone (get outta the gutter you know what I mean)
-Egg

On sideways note:
I love my laptop, don’t get my wrong, but I’m ready to punt it. It’s got the huge gap between the bottom and the keyboard with the monster touchpad (double button beneath.) Understand that I am poor, this is uber in my world. I do love my laptop ~however~ it’s as bipolar as I am. I swear if I breathe heavily on it the cursor f l i e s off into the middle of what I’ve already written. Always fun because I’m bad about not looking at what I type, I don’t think about what I’m doing when I type. I just think and my fingers straggle along. So here I tear off about something FABULOUS and _wham_ I’ve blown apart everything that came out of my hands. Two, sometimes three times the cursor has jumped, sometimes highlighting and erasing lines of text (I’ve caught it from the corner of my eye,) and what I’ve written is now a digital version of the leavings of a paper shredder.
Either this thing is posessed or I have wicked bad karma… or both. ~(8

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Perception

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Quite an odd feeling
Something being gone when you fully expect it to be there.
Sometimes it takes the absence of something you take for granted to make you see.
An obvious sentiment however one that bears repeating.

Little bits of my mind are lost, things I thought I needed. Lost. I can call it such because I actually miss what is gone. Lost implies you can possibly recover something, just a matter of will. Regardless of the terminology, the bottom line is… I am no longer whole.

How easy it is to shut down, to not see. The ability to bend reality in your own mind is a beautiful thing but transient. Reality is persistent. Eventually it will creep back in, steal into your thoughts, ruin any construction you choose to hide behind. No matter how grand or how simple, you decide to make your perception of a situation, the reality of it will get you eventually.

If time is a luxury then I am more poor than I imagined. Each tick of the clock brings me that much closer to actually seeing. The things I can not acknowledge will not be ignored. Where do you hide when your mind betrays you, when you can no longer blind yourself?

I spend my time unwisely. In these moments I have been given what have I accomplished? Each breath I draw is a lost moment, one where no dream was achieved, no progress made, nothing beneficial. Just a simple exchange of oxygen for carbon dioxide. The world will spin with or without any of us.

Where do you look to find a point? Do you listen to the word of another? Ultimately we answer to no one but ourselves.

Why must I mentally drag myself to even the most mundane of actions? There is something there, something driving me, an answer, I know there is. I have to make a choice. A large part of me looks at all of this life’s possibilities and feels the urge to jump to action!

What is unfortunate is even the smallest of doubts can outweigh the best of intentions. This burden, knowing the magnitude of what I have lost, weighs more than I know how to bear. I am at the mercy of my own insecurity, my own inaction.

There is an answer, there is an explanation. It is part of what is lost and I cling to the possibility of finding it. I now sit as I have so many times, fooling myself into believing that I will recover that missing magic bit of information. I think it is this delusion alone that powers my ability to move at all.

I am here. I will be here. I will keep looking.

I promise not to stray too far if you promise not to point out that I move in circles.

sc/bang01ish-ra(t)

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Why it’s Greased Lightning!!!!!!!!!!

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

Today’s been weird to say the least. I never thought myself to be a “blog” kind of person. I had one a while back. I was vapid and shallow, talked about ignorant material things (mainly because at time, I was vapid, shallow, ignorant and materialistic…)

Of course, I’m so past that now. (shh, I am.)

Today I found myself on the receiving end of a less than favorable blast of unwarranted verbal accusations. The pot was calling the tv black. I was not just thrown off but annoyed. The pot (who shall remain anon.) was accusing me (the tv) of doing what the pot had just done to me.  … huh… ?  I bit my tongue and decided to sit to the side and was hit with a spontaneous out of body experience (8 I flew through space and time into my purse in search of candy.  I was floating just above my wallet, about to enter an interior side pocket (I KNOW there were some tic tacs, maybe some of those halls strawberry slobber drops? in there) when I was SAVAGELY slammed back into my body with, “What’s your problem?”

I had no problem, I just looked blank I’m sure. I couldn’t very well tell him I was on a candy hunt on an astral plane. Things were really tense and I doubt he’d have gone for it. I tried to play it off but failed. I wound up explaining that I couldn’t say anything because no matter what I said he would play the martyr and villanize me then apologize for something that never really occurred just to portray me as “the asshole.” That opening my mouth was a lose/lose situation.

I prepared for the retaliation and what came made me freeze in my tracks for fear of the look on my face. What he retaliated with was..
What does martyr mean?
woah, I felt bad. I explained and we worked it out. We were fine it was just situational tension.

BUT

The INSTANT he asked that question an EXPLOSION of blogs shot through my head haha! I had all kinds of chaos writing, rewriting, flying off on tangents. My personal favorite was titled “Can I borrow a Christian?”
That particular bubble was centered around our misuse and abuse of the words martyr and “get off the cross” when confronted with whiny, pity partiers. I was thinking about how of all the offensive things you can do to a christian you NEVER hear them complain about people making light of their savior’s sacrifice. I’m guilty. I’ve asked a lot of people to hop off. I even mentioned it to Miss Isaiah at the gas station by my house. He said, “Giiiiiirl, I can’t tell him sorry for you – you got to get down on your KNEES!”  I thought wow, that’s not going to work. I respect the living shedoobie out of what others believe – doesn’t mean I share it… I said I thought She’d be more convincing than I would. In the time it took to snag a pint of banana pudding ice cream and split (yeah, pun blah blah) I’d practically started a revival!  …whoops…

You have to understand, I live in the middle of nowhere in the middle of some woods. Love the seclusion, we the wrecked and whacked out all seem to (8                    ANYway, if you talk to Jesus… I just want to say I didn’t mean to make light of the whole died for your sins thing, cool?

In the middle of all that about nine gazillion other ideas popped in my head, none panned out too richly or I’d be able to remember the topics. Point is, ever since I started this thing a few days ago it’s been squatting in the back of my head. A little gremlin chanting all kinds of fun things to write to me.
One in particular is the death trap that is my car. Literally my car is lethal. Two lives have been taken just by riding in my car. Literally. I poop you not. One made it from A to B sickened then gave up the ghost before dawn the next morning. The other never made it to B. Poor soul got in my car fine and healthy, came out dead.

I’m currently planning to offer my car to Homeland Security to use in questioning terrorist suspects while in transit to Guantanamo Bay (did I spell that right?) I figure if the death car can’t make them confess ALL their horrific deeds and secrets, nothing will.
It is my patriotic duty, wouldn’t you think? Of course our service men and women would be at risk… The only possibility for survival is up front, certainly in the driver’s seat.
On second thought, no… it’s too risky. We can’t put our troops’ lives in that kind of jeopardy. (UNLESS –  yeah – autopilot, robot drivers – awesome!)
Or not.  Just a thought.

I really need to keep track of all the tangents and mental spooge that flies through my head, I crack me up. If I could write as fast as I talk that would be awesome.
My prose/poetry/writen-stuff is all subliminal. I’ve no idea what it is till I go back and read it. That’s always fun.
I will try to grab the lightning and go on a real tear soon and let you see what it’s like to live in my bipolarass head – it’s never dull.
Times like this, it’s fun. When I whip out the “prose” it’s something from a dark place. Don’t assume my mood from what I post though. Just because I throw prose on here doesn’t necessarily mean I’m on a downswing. If I’m blathering like this you know I’m either in a good mood or the klonopin has kicked in.

Speaking of klonopin, it’s time, it’s time!

peacy outu

p.s. Why the silent treatment, leaving a comment of some sort is not only healthy, it gives the psychiatrically challenged writer of the blog validation, we feel that it’s a necessary step in the socialization process and would ultimately be nothing but beneficial to both parties involved. um.. Medically speaking of course.  yeah, that’s it.  yeah.

Signed,     Notta Shrink  B.S.md

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Do dah

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

For the record – the othello game was lost in the migration. It was indigenous to blogspot… I’ve found no games on wordpress … carry on.

So I’m still tinkering with my blog here… I found a fake othello game. I intended to be really really productive. Honest! But………. I had to test the game out right?  Yeah, consider it tested.  A lot.  Mucho. Excessively. I whipped its A$$. YEAH – TAKE IT – IT – IN YOUR PIXELLATED FACE REVERSI OTHELLO KNOCK OFF MUTH…. ahem.  Pardon me.  Needless to say it’s difficulty level is not set to a level that I find challenging. I still enjoy it thoroughly.  Feel free to pound on it, Let me know your best score. I left him with 9 on the board. It was my best victory (EAT IT REVERSI) that I recall offhand. I can’t remember how many I had. (JUST HOW MANY WERE LEFT AFTER I MOWED HIS LITTLE DISK DUDES DOWN, BOW, BOW, I AM YOUR MASTER FLIPPY GAME,)  I hope you find it pleasant.  If you have any other thoughts or ideas of interesting little time passers let me know, I’ll see if I can dig one up. (I AM THE REVERSI COMMANDER, THAT GAME QUAKES IN FEAR WHEN I PASS – I MADE IT MY BIT .. ahem) So, now that I’ve taken a break I do believe I’ll move on to another project and maybe come back here later and post another piece of prose/writing or something of the like. I feel like venting something dark. (LIKE WHAT THAT GAME SAW WHEN I STUFFED IT IN THE FACE >YEAH<)
Take care, be well
Je veux que nouveau palourdes. Mais palourdes que parler cette fois, non pas que les anciennes. C’est vrai! …  d’accord, au revoir
-egg

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So Majestic

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

I am the Queen of Nothing
I rule over the void with diligence
My commands echo back unheeded
My subjects, shadow and air
With loving care I tend to all
Every inch of oblivion
The sum of negative at my fingertips
I wield great power here
Tho I reign supreme I do so prudently
Great care is to be taken not to upset any balance
Rest assured while this Crown of Air rests upon my troubled head
Nothing will be alright

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