Quite an Odd Feeling

Posted on May 1, 2016. Filed under: a look in my book, Mental Hurling, Miscellaneous, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , |

Quite an odd feeling,
something being gone when you expect it to be there.
Sometimes it takes the absence of something you take for granted to make you see
An obvious sentiment however one that bears repeating.

Little bits of my mind are lost, things I thought I needed.
Lost, I can call it such because I actually miss what is gone.
Lost implies you can possibly recover something, just a matter of will.
Regardless of the terminology, the bottom line is, I am no longer whole.

How easy it is to shut down, to not see.
The ability to bend reality in your own mind is a beautiful thing but transient.
Reality is persistent.
Eventually it will creep back in, steal into your thoughts, ruin any construction
you choose to hide behind.
No matter how grand or how simple you decide to make your perception of a situation,
the reality of it will get you eventually.

If time is a luxury then I am more poor than I imagined.
Each tick of the clock brings me that much closer to actually seeing.
The things I cannot acknowledge will not be ignored.
Where do you hide when your mind betrays you,
when you can no longer blind yourself?

I spend my time unwisely.
In these moments I have been given what have I accomplished?
Each breath I draw is a lost moment, one where no dream was achieved,
no progress made, nothing beneficial.
Just a simple exchange of oxygen for carbon dioxide.
The world will spin with or without any of us.

Where do you look to find a point?
Do you listen to the word of another?
Ultimately we answer to no one but ourselves.

Why must I mentally drag myself to even the most mundane of actions?
There is something there, something driving me, an answer, I know there is.
I have to make a choice.
A large part of me looks at all of this life’s possibilities and feels the
urge to jump to action.

What is unfortunate is even the smallest doubt can outweigh the best of intentions.
This burden, knowing the magnitude of what I have lost, weighs more than
I know how to bear.
I am at the mercy of my own insecurity, my own inaction.

There is an answer, there is an explanation.
It is part of what is lost and I cling to the possibility of finding it.
I now sit as I have so many times, fooling myself into believing I will
recover that missing magic bit of information.
I think it is this delusion alone that powers my ability to move at all.

I am here, I will be here, I will keep looking.
I promise not to stray too far if you promise not to point out
that I move in circles.

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Reprieve

Posted on August 13, 2012. Filed under: Mental Hurling, Musings, Prose, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

Silenced.  My voice means nothing
My words are all I have, all I am left with
Once proud and possessing qualities that made me whole
Complete
I am, was, stripped of all and left with my words
They fall on deaf ears
Air passes from my lips with thought and feeling,
At times great emotion accompanying it
The sounds I make are meaningless.
Reduced now to ink and paper
Searching for those who would understand
I see Hope.  What I recall Hope to be.
The world turns a deaf ear to my one remaining sanity
Save an island of hope
A promise of things I dare not say aloud
Lest the spell be broken
I long to freely admit my desire
Damn this self imposed gag order
I want camaraderie.  I long for sympathetic ears
I need intelligent banter.  I crave reciprocation
I sit, drowning in apathetic masses –
Unaware of the horror their mundane existence represents
Therein lies no beauty, no emotion, no truth
They grind and they shun simple words
Because they represent complex notions:
Why?  How?  What if?
Do you see?
Their eyes tightly closed they shuffle through life
Refusing to stray from their blindered paths
I need joy.  I’ve learned to relish my pain
I have to stay off their path
I endure, and have done so, because I have felt what it is
To be alive
I have died many times and come back
There is no blinder to negate that
The common consensus will not “see”
They refuse to hear.  Can NOT accept my words
Deny my voice
I cease to exist, it is their comfort
I can not stay silent
Though I may be ignored what is festering in me must be expelled
I will not allow my voice to be lost
Hope – my island – Hope listens
Hope hears, Hope understands
I say this now, know your true name
Walk with me, listen and know
That in doing so, You are Hope

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YES WAY!

Posted on May 27, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I am finally at a place of such understanding… immersion therapy? I am so clear now .. thank you for your criminal nightmarish no less than torturous … 4? 5 month assault to lead me to my own liberation. I am able to accept who I am, who everyone else is, my place and my ability to know I have no desire to struggle to pretend to belong with people who are constantly embracing and demanding affi…rmation of things irrational and illogical. I am non violent. So many people are, intolerant, judgemental, violent, hateful… ok. I am not. I have no ability even force myself to be around anyone of the sort. I accept the term disabled and wear it with a smile. If you fear me… Good. Stay away. It isn’t for your safety… I’m harmless. It’s for mine.
haha in my declaration of liberation… I overcooked my celebratory (vegetarian yaya) cheese pizza. No silly juvenile declaration of being a neon banana (hammock juliemeowmeow hehe) to make me giggle – or creation of any scenario real or theoretical is going to undo the fact that my choices are… eat overly brownish cheese while it’s hot OR let it get cold while I Momgyver a solution to make it g…ooey.
Either way… I’m going to enjoy my pizza and I will happily… and completely with all sanity and intellect in tact and under no way as a result of instability… tell my pizza all about how wonderful it is and it’s beauty for being what it is. And that I am going to eat it whether it wants me to or not. Not to cause damage, just because that is why it exists. My pizza is going to do nothing but be put in my mouth chewed and swallowed. It is my friend in that it won’t give me a nasty look (…..) and will just let me feel expressive and I find such joy in that.
Pat yourselves on the back. I talk to inanimate things so I have a way to embrace a chance for expression without any incapacitated intellect judging me by using ignorance as a reason to (haha) feel smug and foolishly indict my sanity.
Wow, that pizza is reeealy wrong. I’m off to try not to abuse some pizza rolls. I’m so going to euthanize my abhorant creation and spare the poor thing on my stove haha.  Here Coco (:
(Coco isn’t Mikey, she won’t eat ANYthing, but my babypuppy always gets first shot before the fatty ratties get treats… if none of us can stand it…  banishment to oblivion=Trash)
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Necessity

Posted on May 8, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

Calm, there’s air. Pull – Correct. Acceptable.  Now conform.

Not to convention, An asinine supposition.

Adhere to your set construct. The Concept is clear.

The mechanism, established.

Try to resist if necessary, to question sharpens the intellect.

Do so tethered to the concrete. The axis all sentience, in its time of peril defers to. A limbic compulsion. Muscle memory.

Tout. il n’y a pas un seule autre.

Universally, all return to that which allows the psyche to permit existence

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What wind?

Posted on April 29, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

Wind? Wait, there’s nothing natural about that airflow – it’s caused by how badly I’m sucking at figuring out css and website stuff.
I ~SO~ need to find something that lays out the basic premises (premi?) of how to begin to grasp it overall. I have to figure out how to hold the whip and the chair just right to coax it into submission.
I’m pouting – On the inside.
Eventually I’ll tire of Egypt and get away from deNile

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EUREKA!!!!!!

Posted on January 13, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I ACCIDENTALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO DO WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR  D A Y S  NOW.

WHOO WHOOO WOOOOOO

 

GO GO me!

It is ON, I’m going to kick my domain’s BUTT tomorrow

YEAH

-MomGyver

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Woah Nelly

Posted on January 11, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

eggstacee.com   …ahhh….

I jumped on the host’s site building tools like a necrophiliac locked in a morgue after hours.   NO clue where to start so I called tech and they assumed from my lack of a need for spoon feeding I was – and I quote – a “twirly head”  … a code mistress and threw my into drupal and joomla (all css or ccs whatever, It was like trying to see the redheads dozer saw in the scrolling code in the matrix, meant jack to me) They thought they were being helpful …

WRONG

I was knee deep in dip.  So I jumped all over everything else quickly learning they wanted more scratch. I already paid what I’m going to pay. Any ads on MY domain will be tucked away together to huddle in a “closet” page and EVERYONE will be warned before getting anywhere near it. I’m not down like that.  The domain is my bitch. HAHAHAHAHA

HA

So, anyway, it’s been mutating like the crap in a hot lava lamp lately, for that I apologize but I’ve been trial and erroring it. I THINK I have it now.  At least I have a crap ton of cool stuff lined up. Now I have to see how to fit the puzzle pieces together.

Today I had an uber bitchin thought… EGG HUNT contests with prizes yeah yeah yeah.  I had QQ rolling with the crap I’m going to lay out.

House of Egg. My own personal playground and OHHHH how everyone is invited. It’s in the works, I promise it may look like hot ass in the beginning (now) but that’s just part of the fun.  Like having a puppy, better, having a neighbor with a puppy. You get to watch it grow, play with it, goof off and all but don’t have to lift a finger to help it along (:

Laugh with me as I screw this thing up and MomGyver it into what I know it can be in the back of my head !

I have NO CLUE what I’m doing… I just know what it is going to be when I’m done.  I’ll get it done if I have to put my flip flopped foot off in my isp’s arse. (hiiiya)

yeah baby… supernocodewysiwygbangbangpartyhouseclickGO!

http://eggstacee.com  I have no idea what it looks like right now, I’m too scared to peek. waitill I slap the plug ins and widgets and superuber dropdown menu on – then who’s the boob.    boobs   haha I said boobs

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Drumroll Please

Posted on January 6, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

HTTP://WWW.EGGSTACEE.COM lives!

Ok, so I spent two days figuring out that Joomla is latin for Stacy knows JACK about css and formatting (and templates and posting and layouts and script and …. blah …blahblah..ect)

So I tucked my invisible tail and lit up wordpress.org on my host and slapped a temporary page with a little tease on it.  Mea Culpa (did I spell that right?) Pardon Moi, odelay, whatever but it’s not funny… it’s

d I F f e R E n T

Like me (:  It’s going to be my virtual nest… kinda like the spot I laid claim to on the far end of the couch here at my rl house. Only BETTER – Oh YEAH.  I’m going to rock it’s socks off… or whatever the nerd equivilent of that is.  I’ll have to do a search while I’m looking up how to church up a website.

Wait, not church it up, make it ~bitchin’~ !  Yeah, somebody drag my teenager in here so she can translate “cool” for those under 30…

I’m so gonna MOMGYVER that monkey trucker

YEAH

http://eggstacee.com

rockin the domain, fear that. I’m spreading like mono hahahaha ewww social diseases. Nobody lick the screen and we should all be alright.

fair enough

-s

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Moving SOON

Posted on January 3, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I have plans… yeah, big plans. I want a home, a place of my own. Somewhere I can stretch out and feel comfortable.

Be myself (whomever that may be at that moment)

Somewhere I can make sense out of myself – maybe give others insight into me. (I’ll feel so naked . HAHAHAHA like there’s anyone who hasn’t seen me naked at this point?)

COMING SOON….

La maison d’oeuf.   eatit (no please don’t. not really)

I’m building a nest, I have to wait for a man named Daniel and then it begins.  It all begins tomorrow!  I hope I make it a nicer place than my rl house (: I’m SUCH a slob hahahaha

I hope to see everyone (and I DO mean everyone) there in the future. ooh ooh a webwarming party! I want presence hahaha punny huh?

Come see soon, I’ll let you know when it’s time. It’s going to be legen…

 

 

    wait for it

 

 

…dary!

 

-s

(Much Love NPH)

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BlogKu and General Spew

Posted on October 23, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

It’s strange. I never, I mean NEVER shut up. I usually write as much as well. The odd thing is trying to figure out what to put on here. I decided when I started this not to be one of those people who bitch and moan about their “woe is me” issues… that’s pretty much why I’ve been silent for so long. (If you can’t do the math on that one, just hit the little X button on the top right and save yourself now)

That’s the thing about bipolar. My moods come and go, sometimes one will stick around longer than another. I miss mania haha. I’m attempting to get to a point where I’m “surfing the high-end” so to speak. I’m on a med cocktail that should safely get me there. Trick is to hit the crest and stay there without flinging out like a hypersonic projectile into outer space. (I have my shrink’s cell and pager numbers and I’m not afraid to use them, much to his chagrin!) The thought of that happening seems impossible at the moment. Ah the joy of the down-swing, I know it well.

Having said that, I think I’ll move on.

It’s hard to be funny when you haven’t been out and about much to see the humor in normie behavior/action. Around the house I crack my 13 year old up. Don’t be fooled, 13 and more intellectually on the ball than most adults in this godforsaken backwoods in which we reside. I’ve crammed vocabulary prefixes and suffixes, word origins and so much more down her throat since, well birth, that she’s a teacher’s wet dream.

Last night I introduced her to Haiku. She is a poet like myself, and like me (totally my influence, yes) she writes free form verse, a very loose style, somewhere between prose and poem. I loathe rhyme. I find it trite and pedestrian.  Hmmm, I need a word here that rhymes with gopher and means punch bowl.  I think I’ll change it to digging ditcher and pitcher. Yeah, you did it! -who cares about the original intended imagery. (asshat.) Because that’s so true to what the original thought you wanted to express, right? I say fook that. I only respect one “standardized” form of poetry… haiku.

To hammer into Q the 5-7-5 syllable structure I started by knocking out an old one I composed and delivered to my favorite icon, The Rev. Maynard James Keenan. I know he got it, it was confirmed. As if the source confirming it weren’t enough shortly after he received it he changed his homepage for the first time in YEARS from an image of himself making a peace sign that partically obscured his face to, you guessed it … a HAIKU.

Woohoo, my brush with fame. His haiku was about The Aristocrats but hell, who composes and publishes a random haiku straight from their rump and slaps it on their previously neglected homepage ~unless~ they had recently been inspired? That was ALL ME. SuperpartybangbangrocketpartygogobabyWOW! I was (and am) pumped about it (to this day.) The Rev and I go way back, (in my head) haha.

Ahem, as I was saying, I knocked out my Maynard haiku then proceeded to spew forth random “randy” and sometimes downright dirty haiku out of the blue. They came like naked ninjas. I had my Q cracking up till she did unladylike things. (She was laughing too hard to blame it on the dog.) I even went as far as to make a limerick/haiku bastard lovechild.  There once was a man – The man was from Nantucket – He had a big … you get the picture. Q did too, she had bladder control issues, I loved it. I can make that child laugh till her face is a rictus of pain. Utter silence, eyes squeezed shut, arms out – contorted oddly with hands locked and fingers splayed. Total immobility. Like a snapshot of a seizure. Then there’s an exchange of air, not sure if inhalation or if she’s exhaling, either way the sound is the same… the dog is the first to hear it and her head pops up in confusion, then it falls into the human range. It’s a high pitched yet breathy gasp (inhalation I suppose then,) and the “Still shot from the Exorcist” moment ends. She doubles over clutching her abdomen gasping for air cursing me for whatever bodily function failed her. I remind her that no one can MAKE you do anything. If you played the butt trumpet it was your choice to unleash your hold on those sphincter muscles…

She doesn’t go for it. At the mention of butt trumpets she decides to do an encore more often than not, followed by an awkward dash to the ladies. The journey looks like a dazed hungry zombie… slow, graceless, yet with purpose. I ADORE my QQ.  Her laughter, (or most times, inability to laugh because she’s caught in a full body spasm of complete hilarity,) brings me such joy.

There’s no feeling in the world like making your kid laugh till they fall over, literally. She actually has ROFL and LMAO (LHAO). We don’t use insulting acronyms, they’re an abuse to the person you speak to and those particular two are trite and untrue when used. (Unless you’re present during a goof session between my Q and myself and you want to quickly describe her status.) I’ve never before or since seen someone roll on the floor laughing, until my Q.  She loves to hate me for it. I love her for loving me so much to hate it when I do that and still ~beg~ for more!

I have no idea what I intended to blog about, I just kinda started typing. I know when Q gets wind (hehe wind, butt trumpet) of this she’s going to be furious. I will explain it was for the sake of art and expressing myself.

 I’ll do it through interpretive dance. She LOVES that one hahahahahahaha

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My coin, flipped

Posted on September 18, 2011. Filed under: Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Thick tendrills reach out of darkness, creep along – drag their way across anything in their path.
Blind, yet they move with purpose. Each seeking to fufill it’s intent.
They lust for flesh.
Twisted fiverous doubt and misery. They hunt in the absence of light.
Unknowing, we offer ourselves to the horror.
No,
not all, only those of us who lack hope.
That inner light whose glimmer banishes the atrocities.
I yearn for such a radiant source. I knew it long ago.
Time is relative –
could have been yesterday.
The only certainty is now.
As I go to close my eyes I do so knowing I sacrifice my flesh and mind.
Chemically, I have no choice.
Having said this, I reluctantly slip into the void.

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Back from the dead(ish)

Posted on September 16, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

I’ve no idea how long I’ll be around, I’ve no idea what I’m up to lately. It’s been forever since anything’s been clear. Med changes and I are NOT friends. I have an horrific time, every time, it would seem. One mitigating factor is my refusal to be hospitalized… when you’re sitting at home having adverse reactions it can be difficult to coordinate everything necessary to rectify your situation. At least in my case it is. I can’t speak for anyone else because I only know one other person whose condition is much like my own (similar diagnoses) and that is my daughter. Fear not (as if) because,

I am a rubber ball

I can and have endured SO MUCH more than this speed bump. My mother (who really tries now but never understood anything about my particular psychiatric issues in the past,) told me something a LONG time ago that was BRILLIANT. It’s something I have used ever since to soothe myself, to justify whatever horrid thing I’ve had to go through be it mental, situational or physical. No matter how hard I try there will never be a way I could express the magnitude of the impact of those words on my existence. I was rather young and in the midst of a terrible depression I was failing miserably at dealing with she said:

You’ve been through this before and survived, you will get through this too. You may not remember how but you know it has happened. You will be alright.

Kind of  obvious in a way however in heightened states of anxiety, pain, panic or fear, those words repeat in my head like a mantra. I’ve endured more than I care to share, a lot of things I have no memory of, things I’d give anything to forget – all because I spent those eternities in utter chaotic hell clinging to that gift my mother gave me. 

I ask you to read it again, think about it. It’s simple yet so easy to forget when things get rough. I don’t see how it wouldn’t work for “normies” as it does for me. Everyone has their demons/nightmares to endure.

I share this because it has made me strong, because I think it can help others, because it is a large part of how I exist. I don’t pretend to understand my mother or our relationship, but I will always be indebted to her for the beautiful salvation she bestowed upon me. Just when I needed it, in a way I needed to hear it, from the person I wanted to hear something from. She was THERE for me. In this way she’s been there for me through it all, her words … they changed my life, I wish I knew how to express that to her. … . We just don’t talk that way anymore, never really have that I can recall. No, that’s not true, I know we had a fabulous relationship when I was a child but as I got older and my “defective chemistry” wreaked havoc on everyone around me (and myself,) I annihilated a LOT of bridges.

In closing I honestly have to say I hope everyone reading this has someone in their life like my mom. Unknowingly she gave me the key to unlocking the path to my own salvation. I’m not there, but I live a better life than I ever thought possible. I feel incapable of convincing her of my sincerity if I were to try to explain all this to her. I don’t believe she really trusts me and I don’t blame her. I was FROM HELL for a long time. I wasn’t properly diagnosed AND on beneficial medications untill a handful of years ago. If my mother was my salvation that makes my sister a SUPERHERO.  That story is for another time, for now – I have to stop. I feel weird now having poured all this out on your heads. It’s not something that I normally do regarding my mother. She gave me life, knowledge, bitchin’ genetics, and a handful of words that changed my life. I gave her hell. I love her, I really don’t know if she’s comfortable with that considering our history.

My gift to my mother is my relative silence. It’s what everyone’s been getting lately. I’ve learned that everyone seems to like it to some extent… some a LOT more than others. I talk too much, I realize it now more than ever. It’s a nasty face full of reality to discover that when you fall silent after being so talkative, no one raises an eyebrow or a phone to even say hello. I usually learn quickly, I think I just didn’t want to believe this dose of reality, I’m happy to go back to blowing bubbles now. Shortly I’ll post an old-ish piece of prose, maybe I’ll have some more to say, maybe not. I can’t concern myself with who’s not caring anymore, it’s detrimental.

-s

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This is a Public Announcement: TEE HEE

Posted on August 1, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

Umm, oops.

I have to apologize for the abrupt break in regular blog activity.  As you may or may not have noticed if you read regularly the last post was a bit off the beaten path for me.  I don’t do medication changes if it can be helped and this has been no exception. Mostly out of personal protest hehe but this time it was physical reaction.  (Bad physical reaction.)  Top that with my obstinate insistence to remain unhospitalized and you get one horribly scrambled egg, over hard. (is that possible?)

Well, to make a long story short. (Is THAT possible?) I will be back to mouthing off soon. Once the residual physical effects have gone away I’ll be back to my old smartbutt self again. In the meantime I’ll be chock full of Benedryl and ??

….I’m feeling MUCH better now…

I’ve always wanted to say that. I’d be more fun if you got the facial expression that goes with it.  I’m not all the way back but soon. In the meantime, so you know I love you – click away. Laugh your ass off, I know I do – LOVE you some Higa, he’s a genius!

Benedryl makes me sleepy –  Peacy Outu,

-Egg

-Stacy

TEE HEE Much love, a true higaholic

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Better living through chemistry

Posted on July 29, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

I’ve been mute more or less since I moved my blog. For that I have no other explanation than … well I’ve had nothing kicking around in my head to spew forth. Spew. Ha! I like that word. If you knew me (or if you know me and ever bothered to listen to me,) you would know when I write it’s all about incessant noise in my head. I’ve no control over what I write, it just jumps out of my fingers (or pen) and tada! There it is. No editing, no forethought other than the “gremlin” in the back of my throat chanting a few lines to me about the beginning subject in general and MAYBE a tangent. SO having said that…

The gremlin stirred today.

I’m in the midst of a medication change. Yay. I have this strict “no hospitalization” policy and my shrink knows it. Changing my meds is like changing a tire with nothing but a paper clip, a pillow and a hammer. No telling how you’re going to get it done but you know you need to make progress. My shrink is the Ultimate MacGyver. I can MacGyver the CRAP out of objects; he fixes my head (at least enough for me to remain “safe for public consumption AND responsible for the process of producing a viable member of society.”)

Fear that. (Bitchin run on too, ya like that, huh, do ya?)

I crack up when people get wind of what I take in a day. I swear I have no gag reflex. (No, I’m not trying to get dates… I swallow a lot of meds, doing so all at once is just a time saver. It also limits the possibility that one of the uncoated bad boys will attach itself to the roof of my mouth –shudder-. )  Moving on… I’m so chemically compromised I have no idea what I’d be without them – other than a stark raving, mood swinging psychotic succubus that is.

So here I am in my wonderful “get 14 straight hours of sleep/stay up 24 hours/repeat” cycle of lovely blahblahblahidone and dahdahdahidol (mutherfu marcimallow says shut yo mouth) new medications. I, being the superstar that we all know I am (I use the term We in the Royal Singular,) decide I to go to the Soso Center. Smaaaart. It’s like 10 pm. I’m driving down the road with pulse pops (wth do you call them? Everything is fine then your pulse pounds erratically kind of staccato anywhere from once to maybe 5 or 6 times. When it happens to me it’s like a wince noise… kind of funny, not painful or anything. It feels like being startled. Probably has something to do with the assload of amphetamines I’ve been eating for years to counteract the butt-ton of sedative type stabilizers and anti-depressants I practically mainline. Ahh the joys of trying to act like you haha. I don’t mind, like I know any different?) So like I was saying, I’m driving down the road and the pops start to come and go, when they do the contrast of lights and pitch dark (I live in the sticks) begin to make me giggle. It was a weird effect. Like in a cartoon when things get bulged out slightly then back to normal, split second of that then again… again.  I’m snotting I’m laughing. It was about then I noticed the cartoon boogie men in the shadows near lit areas. Nothing scary (hallucinations are not an issue with me, I know them for what they are, always have so it’s not been something that has come up as any sort of problem to medicate.) So I’m digging on the whole black and white cartoon monster thing till I hit the highway to the SoSo Center.  Goodbye Boogiemen, was fun while it lasted. The light had banished them. I considered turning around but I’m pretty sure it was a one shot wonder. Things like that don’t repeat, that would be too fun!

I hit the greeter at Soso and I try to open my mouth to ask a question and, lucky me, I couldn’t say a word.  Cotton Mouth.

Nice

Side effects can eatit. I put my head on my arms over my purse in the basket while holding up the Hang On finger… dug for anything that would inspire slobber in the cavern I call a handbag and HAHA thanks again Hall’s. Their slobber drops (strawberry) work like magic. Of course I thought I was going to have to rub it on my eyeball to get it started but it did wind up working. I made it out of there in record time (for me) and was back on the road. NOTHING fun happened on the way home. Nothing.

I supposed I’ll call my shrink’s office tomorrow and moan and groan but not because of the carnival I’m starring in after dark, ONLY because I can’t hack this messed up over medicated, circadian boffing nightmare sleep cycle wrecking cocktail (;

I have no idea how you might take all of this, it’s a little off from my norm, it’s more personal than I’ve ever really been about me, don’t expect too much like this in the future. I think in a way I’m more curious about all of you so I’m offering something of myself. I see myself as normal. There’s nothing amiss or lacking about my life. I don’t pity me, feel as if life did me wrong, I think I’m lucky to be honest. I feel bad for most people and I don’t mean to condescend by saying that. Nature compensated me for what I lack in emotional stability and looking back I wouldn’t have it any other way. I KNOW certain things, I see things most don’t. I have a point of view that you can only get from looking sideways (so to speak) and yet I still can look through “normal” eyes. I’ve been on both sides of the society/outcast coin.

I think what the gremlin is trying to make me say (hehe) is:  I want to know if you think you’re weird or just me, what you think is normal, have you accepted who/what you are (I joyfully embrace it now,) How do you handle life – or can you?  Stuff like that, I have my answers, I wonder if other people do. I really would like to hear a “normal” (by that I mean non-mentally disturbed, imbalanced, psychotic) person’s take on ANYTHING.  Throw any answer in the comments, be anonymous if you wish, make up your own statement, but please, enlighten me!

-Spacy errr Stace Cadet wait, no

-egg

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Old Posts don’t die…

Posted on July 23, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

Old Posts don’t die…. but then here everything is new. Take a peek at what bipolar is like without complaints or explanations shoved down your throat. Experience the whirlwind with none of the moaning and groaning… hehe I keep the crybaby stuff for the privacy of my home (should it roll around, and it does.) I’ve recently migrated and just want a chance to show my stuff. I’ll have new material asap but for now, hop in and have a laugh, sate your curiosity,or  just be weird (like me!)

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Old Posts don’t die…

Posted on July 23, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

No, old posts don’t die… people don’t realize they exsist in the first place from what I’m gathering!  There’s some fun stuff back there. Poor little posts have been shoved out of the limelight by younger, prettier, newer posts. These forerunners deserve some accolades (uhh yeah, credit and stuff) for being trailblazers and breaking new ground in EggBlogging. Why not give them a read, they are in order from oldest to more recent…  Allonz-y, off you go now. The Queen of nothing commands you to read.  (Like that’s going to work – So Majestic explains why….)

https://eggstacee.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/so-majestic/   My first post and simplest piece of prose, I’m VERY proud of it and yet no one has really had a chance to see it.

https://eggstacee.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/do-dah/  A schizo romp and homage to my old blog’s game widgit Othello. Not relevant to wordpress but funny regarding Marcimallow so worth a peek

https://eggstacee.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/why-its-greased-lightning/  THE INFAMOUS DEATH CAR POST. I’m about to fall over, I just found out several people I know had no idea what I was talking about when I spoke of the “death car.” I’m accusing them of being traitors, (earning a ride in the death car hahaha,) but they just didn’t know of the post at all. 
Alors, voici.. je l’ecrit pour vous maitenant mes palourdes. <- a kickback to an old old attempt at a minor blog effort

I spent some fun time on those posts, I hope they get enough exposure to make a few people laugh (or think) too. I’ve never been one for keeping my skeletons in closets why should old posts be any different? (8

-egg

-Stacy

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20 items or… EATIT

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

I’ve learned a great deal over the course of my life so far. I’d like to think of myself as possessing a point of view that the population at large would never stop long enough to consider much less contemplate. Born the way I am, I’ve always felt like an “outsider” that I didn’t fit in, no matter how hard I tried. OH how I tried, for years and years I tried. I have to say that attempting to fit in is probably the root of most of the misery I endured in my past (ultimately.)

Ahem. SO, I’ve learned that I am MUCH happier on the fringe of society than in the mix. I love me some Internet. At least now I do. We have Marcimallow to thank for dragging me kicking and screaming into the social media scene for that. (smooches) I bring all this up to illustrate a point. I’m generally a smartbutt. (This post is verbally sanitized for your protection.) I crack me up, a lot of times it rubs off on others. I love getting a laugh. The last few days I’ve been having a dry spell (oh geez my dog just had the vapors, startled me – off topic but eww,) ok. The thing is, my epiphany today, is that I have nothing fun to say when I am home safe under my rock.  (MAJOR EWW that wasn’t the dog it was a bug whose flight sounds like flatulence, it landed on me and I b!(@# slapped it away, now it’s ??, great) Moving on. I’m not inspired to write anything humorous until I am out lurking about with “normies” (I use the term loosely.) “Normal” people crack me up.

I caved earlier tonight and went to the So-So Center (it’d earn the title Super if it had Dill Pickle Chips… nice try Blob that eats small businesses.) I normally don’t shop there but the hour and my shopping list left me little choice. So as I cruise to the far end of the world for french vanilla creamer, someone hid the kind I wanted so I nearly had a hissy, I kept my cool and karma revealed my prize – yay. It was at that point I dove into my cavernous purse iso the pacifier for Bobo, the monkey on my back. Horrified I realized my electronic cigarette was back home on the table by my “nest” on the couch (where I presently am plopped.) There went my mood. (No, not a swing, I’m allowed to fluctuate as anyone else would without it being a “polar” issue…)

I grumpily head over to hardware n stuff. Normally I’m all over everything on that side of the store like a molester packing ether but I was a good girl. I needed to fix the toilet handle arm thingy. I knew exactly what I needed and headed straight for it. There was an older couple and a sweet lil old lady asked me if I was doing a little home repair. I told her I just had to fix the potty handle and was proud of myself, that I’d been good and was “swatting the lil devil on my shoulder telling me to buy everything else on my way through hardware.” She looked down at the cinnamon rolls and frozen pizza I had in my cart and had the audacity to look at me sternly and say, “You swatted him away, did you?” I told her, “Eatit,” smiled and walked away. (hahahaha)

Some people are just butt heads (sanitized)

I felt better having told off an old lady (I know I know) and headed to the checkout. There were plenty open but all had small lines. I didn’t have many things but they were arranged flatly and completely obscured the bottom of my cart. Guiltily I went to the Express Lane hoping for the best. As I put my good girl stuff on the counter (eatit old lady) I noticed a woman with her daughter and their cart “runneth over.” The woman stopped at the first express lane and the teen pushing the cart never skipped a beat, heading past towards the “lotta stuff” lines. The scrawny leather-tan woman called out, “I don’t care I said come here!”

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Oh it was ON hahahaha I cheered up instantly. NOBODY gets to be Princess whoopdedoo in my world but me. I pull some cheese stunts but this was just plain ignorant and wrong.

Even ~I~ in my wildest ultra-radian category 6 kaleidoscope of mood swinging episodes wouldn’t pull such a heinous faux pas. I may be a misfit but I’m no scumbag.

I IMMEDIATELY commenced to an audible verbal assault. Everything from a rousing round of “Who can count to twenty?!” and “Oh WOW, we’re too late, look at the ignorance and that THING has already reproduced, I hope it’s not genetic.” (I quickly decided to lay off the kid.) I proceeded to The Count from Sesame Street with my checkout lady. Do you know why they call me the count, because I love to count! ONE hahaha, TWO hahaha. and TWENTY hahaha NOW STOP, no really STOP, seriously S T O P… all with an uber fake Dracula accent. I realized there were two younger men behind me in line laughing (the checkout lady had tears she was laughing hard, I just ranted the whole time about the stupidity and audacity of the leather-tan numerically challenged chick at the counter beside me) I asked the dudes behind me, can you believe that? Then proceeded to slam her anew. I “called” the guy in the blue shirt on my “finger phone”… “Hey blue shirt dude, check out that dingbat with the monster cart in the express lane, oop, wait, got another call, …hey can I call you back, I’m telling my new friend about this ignorant lady with like 100 items in the 20 item lane, I think she’s ~speshul~ click… OK, I”m back. Good talking to you but I’ve gotta go, tell your friend I said Hi.” They laughed more.

I thought I’d be fun to get more involved. I looked at their basket, said Right On and shoved my hand out at the closest guy saying, “I want to shake your “I can count to twenty a$$ hand, you rule.” An unexpected snort noise popped out of him when I said it and laughingly shook. As soon as I turned to his friend he was already scooping up my hand and giving it a FIRM shake as he pipped in “NINE!” pointing to his cart. I squeaked -laughing so hard I couldn’t make a real noise. He didn’t give me a chance to say anything he wanted his turn. The checkout lady was fanning herself with a clean up towel and blotting her forehead and kept looking slyly over her shoulder then busting into gales of laughter she kept trying to stifle. My things were bagged and I paid for my stuff, it took probably ten minutes to get my things scanned and bagged because I relentlessly was ripping on that douche in the other line with her 90+ items… I paid and my lady handed me my receipt squeezing my hand grinning as she did.

I had a moment of shame when I realized I hadn’t actually counted my things and sheepishly looked at my total. I peeked at it, licked the back, stuck it to my forehead and loudly pronounced TWENTY. Then threw in “TWENTY – TWENTY ITEMS IN THE EXPRESS LANE AH HA HA” just like The Count again high fiving the lady and the guys behind me. I saw the ignorant woman out of the corner of my eye shooting me a go to (you know where) look and she flipped me the bird. I flashed all ten of my fingers in the air twice to indicate 20 smiled, peeled my receipt off my forehead and strolled off laughing feeling smug as (you know where.) (Orbitz mouth baby)

Karma started to kick my ASS for that one. (can’t sanitize that, it was coming – I’d earned it in spades, I just knew it was going to make me eatit.)

As I approached my car in the parking lot the first thing I noticed was that I had left my headlights on the whole time I was in the store

Oh no! The world is a wheel.

I tell myself it was worth it, I haven’t laughed so much in I don’t know how long, made everyone else in earshot laugh too to some degree or another.

(For the record, Karma had just warned me, the car started right up. Maybe Karma has a sense of humor too?

-Stacy

-egg

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Ok, sure, you betcha, right on

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

I have no idea when the mental blogtomic aftermath petered out but it has for now. I guess the honeymoon is over. The other day everything I came across turned into a blog post. Now my head is like… hmm… nobody wants to hear about THAT.  haha. The gremlin is napping or sleeping or maybe I accidentally swallowed the little booger.

What’s really funny is “advice.” People want to suggest what I should put in, write or do with my blog.  I’m thinking… none of you are what I’d call “successful” in the blog department – what is the appeal in listening to your advice supposed to be? (8  (bitshhh.)

Yeah.

I adore hypocrisy. Not when it involves me having to dine on crow at any point… not like that I mean in others. People get SO intent on what they say or do they fail to see it when they are the perpetrators. Point it out and WOAH, hold on now missy. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’d do right to watch what you say. OR You’re changing the subject, what I’m telling you is… blah blah blah. I have learned something awesome in my $A^#& years of bipolarness.

I have learned the merit in letting wrong people be right. It is AWESOME. You should really try to incorporate it into your personality. You know what I’m saying don’t you?

Someone you deal with says or does something that you recognize immediately as either factually incorrect, patently wrong or just plain ignorant in general. You mention in a pc way that maybe what they meant was ____insert correction here___ and they insist that what they’ve expelled is “absolutely rockin’ the poo.”

What you have to do now is ask yourself, “Is anyone going to suffer horribly over this (other than the slickness that spewed the crap in question that is,) or can this be something that Mr(s/iss) Mouth can chalk up to “Look Ma, I did it!” I’ve found that most times it’s the latter. When someone is really pushy about their faulty statements/ideas generally it’s because they need some sort of validation ~that bad~ and hey, why not be big about it and let them be Neo for once. (Everybody should get a turn at being The One.)

Try not to patronize too much when you bend on the ignorance, and don’t throw accolades over it, just say “ok” and let it go. Tada, good karma and Doofy gets a WooHoo. It’s better than an all out assault on Doofy’s stubborn ignorant pride, that is almost universally futile.

I have an ex I had to mentally throw in the towel and let him think he was correct in thinking there were 52 states. Showing him reference documentation did no good. His mind wouldn’t let him reconcile the facts with what he held true in his head.  -Maybe he’ll go to the King or Queen of Spades on vacation. I pity the travel agent who has to book that reservation. If it were me I’d book him on the next short bus to the closest middle school geography class. I’d even pack a crust-less pb&j sack lunch. …yeah, I’m that kinda badasssuperbangbangrockinmommaYEAH! awwwright

honk

(that was my horn, digit) So anyway. I hope we’ve all learned a little something about ignorant people and choosing our battles! (Shut up Egg it’s not like you’re Mr. Rodgers) Geez, right ok. So I’m barefoot (eatit) and don’t wear cardigans (eatit) and wrapping this up.

That dude I dated, turned out he wasn’t as much stupid as he was a drug addict. #eatit I was the stupid one. LIKE I WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT??? I thought he had untreated mild mental health issues, I was shrink shopping to help his silly ass. Drugs, how in the hell was I supposed to know THAT? (insert your smug comments here, I can take ’em haha I can let you be right…)

Don’t forget to go guess at the magic word, scroll back a few days, enter all you want! Nothing is done with your info, at all. I could care less what your email is I’m not some net wizard. I have no ulterior motivation whatsoever. I just want to have fun with my readers and genuinely want to see if anyone can figure out what the word is/decipher how my mind works.

peacy outu (love me some higa)

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Blog Libs – YAY SUCCESS!!!!

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Blog Libs, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

FINALLY SOMEONE INTERACTED, a relative but hey, HOORAY! I’m so THRILLED to have MY FIRST ENGAGED RESPONSEthat’s all I need to celebrate! I’m posting her Blog Lib here to honor her & the occasion:

***********************************************************************

The original “About last night…” Blog Lib is waiting for you to play at:

 https://eggstacee.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/blog-libs-about-last-night/ Head on over and finish the story in your own brand of silly!

***********************************************************************

 

Lisa‘s Lib: About Last Night…

So there I was sitting on my (tuna fish) when I realized, it was (dirty) HOT in here. I found it quite (green) because usually by this time of night I’m (bathing) to the point where I’m throwing on sleepy pants and wondering if I should grab a sweater or a warm (hot rod).

I get up and stand on a floor vent and much to my (ACK) it feels really warm, just like the air coming out of it! The first thought I had was to go outside and (think) the unit in the back yard. I grabbed a flashlight and my trusty (stilts) and tromped through the jungle I call a lawn out back and (ate) what I could. All seemed normal.  My next thought was the inside cooling unit. I made my way back through the (bed) to the freshly mown front lawn and into the (fruit loop). It was hotter than (chicken).

I (watched) to the hall where the ac unit is hidden. It was so hot in the house I (swiftly) made a command decision and took off my (flapjacks).  Practically naked, I methodically pulled everything I could off the exterior. The coils were (runny)! I rounded up a scrub brush, a chair for height and the vacuum with the (necktie) attachment to suck up the clotted dust and dirt. After some (creepy) cleaning and vacuuming I managed to clean out the coils and the surrounding area. I (spookily) put the panels and filter back on the unit and (drank) for the best.

By this time I was sweating like a (wildebeest). I crossed my (stars) and sheepishly turned the air conditioner back on… SUCCESS! It was blowing cold air like (shiny)! I jumped in the shower and threw some clothes back on, tweeted my (stupid) MacGyver ninja talents and looked for a (flash drive) to cover up with. I was really cold again.

**********************************************************************

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I PROMISE I took my meds…

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Manic episodes can be problematic for the person with bipolar disorder, as well as for family and friends. Bipolar mania may threaten relationships due to the person’s heightened irritability or excited mood. Some people may get into fights, put themselves in dangerous situations, or may even break the law.

I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine

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From Another Me

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Perpetual scabs – unable to heal
mental fingers worry and pick
time and repetition provide sick comfort
wear them like a badge
Survived.  So what?
others care – if worried to that point
pushed and dragged
wear them down – make them see
sick pride – silly games
all justification
a reason to give
a broken psyche to exist
malleable reality is beauty
Chameleon that has been created
rears the appropriate head
-give a situation
get an adaptation-
all to get by – no clear purpose
attempted use of ones self – inept
Fragile – much the snowflake
created by bitter forces
transient beauty
carried by whims
devoid of malice
dangerous to those overexposed
annihilated by pressure
would that I were a snowflake…
Brutally I remain
a collection of wanting scabs.

-sc/ur410/us

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Blog Libs – About Last Night

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Blog Libs, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Grab a paper or start a comment, jot down the following words then fill them in to the story in order. Yay Blog Libs!
 
Noun….adjective….adjective….verb ending in -ing….noun….emotional word….verb…..footwear….verb past tense….noun….noun….noun….verb past tense….adverb(verb ending in -ly)… plural noun… adjective… noun adjective… adverb (verb ending in -ly)… verb past tense….wild animal …. body parts…. adjective….adjective….noun.
 
 
 
 
About Last Night…
 
So there I was sitting on my (noun) when I realized, it was (adjective) HOT in here. I found it quite (adjective) because usually by this time of night I’m (verb ending in –ing) to the point where I’m throwing on sleepy pants and wondering if I should grab a sweater or a warm (noun).
I get up and stand on a floor vent and much to my (emotional word) it feels really warm, just like the air coming out of it! The first thought I had was to go outside and (verb) the unit in the back yard. I grabbed a flashlight and my trusty (footwear) and tromped through the jungle I call a lawn out back and (verb past tense) what I could. All seemed normal.  My next thought was the inside cooling unit. I made my way back through the (noun) to the freshly mown front lawn and into the (noun). It was hotter than (noun).
I (verb past tense) to the hall where the ac unit is hidden. It was so hot in the house I (adverb) made a command decision and took off my (plural noun).  Practically naked, I methodically pulled everything I could off the exterior. The coils were (adjective) ! I rounded up a scrub brush, a chair for height and the vacuum with the (noun) attachment to suck up the clotted dust and dirt. After some (adjective) cleaning and vacuuming I managed to clean out the coils and the surrounding area. I (adverb) put the panels and filter back on the unit and (verb past tense) for the best.
By this time I was sweating like a (wild animal). I crossed my (body parts) and sheepishly turned the air conditioner back on… SUCCESS! It was blowing cold air like (adjective)! I jumped in the shower and threw some clothes back on, tweeted my (adjective) McGyver ninja talents and looked for a (noun) to cover up with. I was really cold again.
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Show me on the doll where I touched you

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

I am human, I promise. Just like any other silly fool out there pounding away at their computer I dig input. It’s tough to please a crowd when you’ve no idea who your audience is… Is there an afterschool special I missed? “How to deal with blog silence.” Kristy McNichol would’ve rocked as the blogger. They could’ve used Mrs. Garrett as the wise/helpful blog guru. I’d have watched. They’d have been on a mainframe and it would have been a four part series while things loaded but I’d have stuck it out. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah, I would’ve. Back then anything was better than PBS belting out Sesame Street and networks with the soaps. (thank you dish! muah!!)

So what does it take? Dancing bears? Dancing Bare? I’m not sure I’m willing to go that far for validation.  (8    Throw me a bone (get outta the gutter you know what I mean)
-Egg

On sideways note:
I love my laptop, don’t get my wrong, but I’m ready to punt it. It’s got the huge gap between the bottom and the keyboard with the monster touchpad (double button beneath.) Understand that I am poor, this is uber in my world. I do love my laptop ~however~ it’s as bipolar as I am. I swear if I breathe heavily on it the cursor f l i e s off into the middle of what I’ve already written. Always fun because I’m bad about not looking at what I type, I don’t think about what I’m doing when I type. I just think and my fingers straggle along. So here I tear off about something FABULOUS and _wham_ I’ve blown apart everything that came out of my hands. Two, sometimes three times the cursor has jumped, sometimes highlighting and erasing lines of text (I’ve caught it from the corner of my eye,) and what I’ve written is now a digital version of the leavings of a paper shredder.
Either this thing is posessed or I have wicked bad karma… or both. ~(8

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Perception

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Quite an odd feeling
Something being gone when you fully expect it to be there.
Sometimes it takes the absence of something you take for granted to make you see.
An obvious sentiment however one that bears repeating.

Little bits of my mind are lost, things I thought I needed. Lost. I can call it such because I actually miss what is gone. Lost implies you can possibly recover something, just a matter of will. Regardless of the terminology, the bottom line is… I am no longer whole.

How easy it is to shut down, to not see. The ability to bend reality in your own mind is a beautiful thing but transient. Reality is persistent. Eventually it will creep back in, steal into your thoughts, ruin any construction you choose to hide behind. No matter how grand or how simple, you decide to make your perception of a situation, the reality of it will get you eventually.

If time is a luxury then I am more poor than I imagined. Each tick of the clock brings me that much closer to actually seeing. The things I can not acknowledge will not be ignored. Where do you hide when your mind betrays you, when you can no longer blind yourself?

I spend my time unwisely. In these moments I have been given what have I accomplished? Each breath I draw is a lost moment, one where no dream was achieved, no progress made, nothing beneficial. Just a simple exchange of oxygen for carbon dioxide. The world will spin with or without any of us.

Where do you look to find a point? Do you listen to the word of another? Ultimately we answer to no one but ourselves.

Why must I mentally drag myself to even the most mundane of actions? There is something there, something driving me, an answer, I know there is. I have to make a choice. A large part of me looks at all of this life’s possibilities and feels the urge to jump to action!

What is unfortunate is even the smallest of doubts can outweigh the best of intentions. This burden, knowing the magnitude of what I have lost, weighs more than I know how to bear. I am at the mercy of my own insecurity, my own inaction.

There is an answer, there is an explanation. It is part of what is lost and I cling to the possibility of finding it. I now sit as I have so many times, fooling myself into believing that I will recover that missing magic bit of information. I think it is this delusion alone that powers my ability to move at all.

I am here. I will be here. I will keep looking.

I promise not to stray too far if you promise not to point out that I move in circles.

sc/bang01ish-ra(t)

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Magic Word Contest

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Contests | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

It’s official. I offer you all a challenge. This time with tangible prizes! Simple enough right?
THE PRIZES ARE:
1. An original ~hand written~ work from my collection (genre and date of piece will be at my discretion)
2. An original piece from the unique and unparalleled Marcimallow Jewelry Collection

The rules are as follows:
1. Follow my blog (YAY FUN!)
2. Read the July 11th repost “For Your Consideration” : https://eggstacee.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/for-your-consideration/ .
3.Try to guess/deduce what the “true magic word” is as indicated by the piece posted.
4. Email your your guess to magicword@mail.com.
Winners will be notified by a reply to their entry email address. I promise you, your email address is safe with me. I wouldn’t know what to do with it if I tried to gather them all up haha. Do not worry about that.
5. No words submitted in the posting area will count, any guesses posted there will be deleted or ignored. However comments are STRONGLY ENCOURAGED and will get a response. No hints though!
6. The first person to email magicword@mail.com with the correct word in English shall be declared the winner. For the record: I DO NOT want your email address for any reason other than to contact you if you win. I’m no web genius, by any means, and I have no motive for gaterhing information.
7. Multiple guesses are welcomed however ONE guess per email and MASSIVE SPAMMING WILL DISQUALIFY YOU. Sending “mass mailings” of every word in the dictionary… will get you banned from the contest. (8 Either give it honest tries or move along. Don’t start firing off Websters at me.
8. By entering the contest you agree NOT TO DISCLOSE THE ACTUAL WORD TO ANYONE ELSE. EACH EMAIL ENTRY IS CONSIDERED YOUR PROMISE  THAT SHOULD YOU BE THE WINNER YOU WILL KEEP THE “TRUE MAGIC WORD” SECRET.
9. Once the first correct entry is received, the contest will continue until the winner is contacted and arrangements are made for prize delivery.
10. ONLY the winner will get a response once their correct entry is received should the first correct entrant fail to respond and claim the prize within 7 days of a second correct entry, the prize offer will be rescinded the second person with the correct entry will be contacted and given 7 days after the third correct entry arrives to claim the prize and so forth.
11. THERE WILL BE NO ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE “TRUE MAGIC WORD.” ONLY THE WINNER’S NAME/PICTURE IF THEY PROVIDE ONE – SHOULD THAT PERSON CHOOSE TO BE NAMED/LAUDED, OR IF THE WINNER WISHES TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS I’LL ANNOUNCE THAT THE CONTEST HAS ENDED AND PICS OF THE PRIZES WILL BE POSTED BEFORE THEY ARE SHIPPED.
12. I – Stacy Clark – the owner of this blog, reserve the right to end this contest at any time due to any extenuating circumstance.
13. Prizes will be sent through the U.S. mail and all details will be discussed with the winning entrant.
14. This contest is open to anyone of legal age, anywhere, except where prohibited by law, contest entries must be in English to be eligible.

*************By entering the contest you agree NOT TO DISCLOSE THE ACTUAL WORD TO ANYONE ELSE. EACH EMAIL ENTRY IS CONSIDERED YOUR CONSENT THAT SHOULD YOU BE THE WINNER YOU WILL KEEP THE “TRUE MAGIC WORD” SECRET****************

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For Your Consideration

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Contests, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Ask anyone to say the magic word
invariably they will say “please.”
That is a fallacy, a lie, it holds no power.
I know true magic.
A single word – when spoken properly –
can devistate.
This word can end lives.
Destroy families.
Cause the mightiest of men to question their own worth.
This damning word is tricky,
it is generally benign in nature.
We use it every day.
The evil magic it holds is manifested by the speaker.
It’s duality only exsists due to the capacity
for cruelty in men’s hearts… or women’s.
Both are as likely to curse another
with this life altering utterance.
Once viciously used, once Pandora’s box is opened,
it’s never truly the same afterward,
it’s never quite shut again.
Try as you wish, no ammends are complete.
The word leaves it’s mark on the receiver.
I dare not divulge the secret
I will say this:
Speak not in anger and do not be rash.
Words can be powerful.
Burning bridges can consume in a literal sense…

sc
sw/urus2/3.10

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Why it’s Greased Lightning!!!!!!!!!!

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

Today’s been weird to say the least. I never thought myself to be a “blog” kind of person. I had one a while back. I was vapid and shallow, talked about ignorant material things (mainly because at time, I was vapid, shallow, ignorant and materialistic…)

Of course, I’m so past that now. (shh, I am.)

Today I found myself on the receiving end of a less than favorable blast of unwarranted verbal accusations. The pot was calling the tv black. I was not just thrown off but annoyed. The pot (who shall remain anon.) was accusing me (the tv) of doing what the pot had just done to me.  … huh… ?  I bit my tongue and decided to sit to the side and was hit with a spontaneous out of body experience (8 I flew through space and time into my purse in search of candy.  I was floating just above my wallet, about to enter an interior side pocket (I KNOW there were some tic tacs, maybe some of those halls strawberry slobber drops? in there) when I was SAVAGELY slammed back into my body with, “What’s your problem?”

I had no problem, I just looked blank I’m sure. I couldn’t very well tell him I was on a candy hunt on an astral plane. Things were really tense and I doubt he’d have gone for it. I tried to play it off but failed. I wound up explaining that I couldn’t say anything because no matter what I said he would play the martyr and villanize me then apologize for something that never really occurred just to portray me as “the asshole.” That opening my mouth was a lose/lose situation.

I prepared for the retaliation and what came made me freeze in my tracks for fear of the look on my face. What he retaliated with was..
What does martyr mean?
woah, I felt bad. I explained and we worked it out. We were fine it was just situational tension.

BUT

The INSTANT he asked that question an EXPLOSION of blogs shot through my head haha! I had all kinds of chaos writing, rewriting, flying off on tangents. My personal favorite was titled “Can I borrow a Christian?”
That particular bubble was centered around our misuse and abuse of the words martyr and “get off the cross” when confronted with whiny, pity partiers. I was thinking about how of all the offensive things you can do to a christian you NEVER hear them complain about people making light of their savior’s sacrifice. I’m guilty. I’ve asked a lot of people to hop off. I even mentioned it to Miss Isaiah at the gas station by my house. He said, “Giiiiiirl, I can’t tell him sorry for you – you got to get down on your KNEES!”  I thought wow, that’s not going to work. I respect the living shedoobie out of what others believe – doesn’t mean I share it… I said I thought She’d be more convincing than I would. In the time it took to snag a pint of banana pudding ice cream and split (yeah, pun blah blah) I’d practically started a revival!  …whoops…

You have to understand, I live in the middle of nowhere in the middle of some woods. Love the seclusion, we the wrecked and whacked out all seem to (8                    ANYway, if you talk to Jesus… I just want to say I didn’t mean to make light of the whole died for your sins thing, cool?

In the middle of all that about nine gazillion other ideas popped in my head, none panned out too richly or I’d be able to remember the topics. Point is, ever since I started this thing a few days ago it’s been squatting in the back of my head. A little gremlin chanting all kinds of fun things to write to me.
One in particular is the death trap that is my car. Literally my car is lethal. Two lives have been taken just by riding in my car. Literally. I poop you not. One made it from A to B sickened then gave up the ghost before dawn the next morning. The other never made it to B. Poor soul got in my car fine and healthy, came out dead.

I’m currently planning to offer my car to Homeland Security to use in questioning terrorist suspects while in transit to Guantanamo Bay (did I spell that right?) I figure if the death car can’t make them confess ALL their horrific deeds and secrets, nothing will.
It is my patriotic duty, wouldn’t you think? Of course our service men and women would be at risk… The only possibility for survival is up front, certainly in the driver’s seat.
On second thought, no… it’s too risky. We can’t put our troops’ lives in that kind of jeopardy. (UNLESS –  yeah – autopilot, robot drivers – awesome!)
Or not.  Just a thought.

I really need to keep track of all the tangents and mental spooge that flies through my head, I crack me up. If I could write as fast as I talk that would be awesome.
My prose/poetry/writen-stuff is all subliminal. I’ve no idea what it is till I go back and read it. That’s always fun.
I will try to grab the lightning and go on a real tear soon and let you see what it’s like to live in my bipolarass head – it’s never dull.
Times like this, it’s fun. When I whip out the “prose” it’s something from a dark place. Don’t assume my mood from what I post though. Just because I throw prose on here doesn’t necessarily mean I’m on a downswing. If I’m blathering like this you know I’m either in a good mood or the klonopin has kicked in.

Speaking of klonopin, it’s time, it’s time!

peacy outu

p.s. Why the silent treatment, leaving a comment of some sort is not only healthy, it gives the psychiatrically challenged writer of the blog validation, we feel that it’s a necessary step in the socialization process and would ultimately be nothing but beneficial to both parties involved. um.. Medically speaking of course.  yeah, that’s it.  yeah.

Signed,     Notta Shrink  B.S.md

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Do dah

Posted on July 21, 2011. Filed under: Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

For the record – the othello game was lost in the migration. It was indigenous to blogspot… I’ve found no games on wordpress … carry on.

So I’m still tinkering with my blog here… I found a fake othello game. I intended to be really really productive. Honest! But………. I had to test the game out right?  Yeah, consider it tested.  A lot.  Mucho. Excessively. I whipped its A$$. YEAH – TAKE IT – IT – IN YOUR PIXELLATED FACE REVERSI OTHELLO KNOCK OFF MUTH…. ahem.  Pardon me.  Needless to say it’s difficulty level is not set to a level that I find challenging. I still enjoy it thoroughly.  Feel free to pound on it, Let me know your best score. I left him with 9 on the board. It was my best victory (EAT IT REVERSI) that I recall offhand. I can’t remember how many I had. (JUST HOW MANY WERE LEFT AFTER I MOWED HIS LITTLE DISK DUDES DOWN, BOW, BOW, I AM YOUR MASTER FLIPPY GAME,)  I hope you find it pleasant.  If you have any other thoughts or ideas of interesting little time passers let me know, I’ll see if I can dig one up. (I AM THE REVERSI COMMANDER, THAT GAME QUAKES IN FEAR WHEN I PASS – I MADE IT MY BIT .. ahem) So, now that I’ve taken a break I do believe I’ll move on to another project and maybe come back here later and post another piece of prose/writing or something of the like. I feel like venting something dark. (LIKE WHAT THAT GAME SAW WHEN I STUFFED IT IN THE FACE >YEAH<)
Take care, be well
Je veux que nouveau palourdes. Mais palourdes que parler cette fois, non pas que les anciennes. C’est vrai! …  d’accord, au revoir
-egg

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