Miscellaneous

3 a.m.

Posted on April 10, 2017. Filed under: Miscellaneous |

Oh no! I’m awake.

Insomnia go to hell.

Well don’t, I’m there now.

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Haiku for you

Posted on November 15, 2016. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , |

I’m not always happy
Try to fake it till I make it
What a load of crap

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The more you know…

Posted on May 2, 2016. Filed under: Miscellaneous |

I just wanted to pop on here and maybe clear some things up.

It’s been YEARS since I’ve written anything new. What I have done is put up an old favorite and take one post off of private. Looking back a lot of what I wrote is very different from how I perceived it to be then. I thought it was brilliant. I thought I was brilliant – ha! That would be the bipolar whispering in my ear. What I see now really fascinates me, oh how lost I was.

I haven’t thought about my blog for a long time until recently. I’ve been through so much turmoil over the last five years or so. I have been through so many medication cocktails that I have lost count. Right now I’m not very well put together but probably more stable than I have been since I started blogging. I have been hospitalized several times in the past year or two I’m afraid. I always looked it as a failure, to be institutionalized. My sister is lovely, she let me know it was strength to admit I needed help that badly rather than let things in  my head get bad enough to do something drastic that I was committed against my will.

I have made a sad bargain though. I am taking my medication and able to function more now than before yes, however it has stifled my creativity almost entirely.  i.e. No more “mental hurling,” no more purging the bad thoughts, no viable way to eliminate the tortuous ideas and notions that plague me.

There are times I miss the mania. Times when I was really tormented and the catharsis that came with writing furiously as a result.

Maybe I’ll be inspired by something soon. I’m rather emotionless lately.

 

smc16

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Quite an Odd Feeling

Posted on May 1, 2016. Filed under: a look in my book, Mental Hurling, Miscellaneous, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , |

Quite an odd feeling,
something being gone when you expect it to be there.
Sometimes it takes the absence of something you take for granted to make you see
An obvious sentiment however one that bears repeating.

Little bits of my mind are lost, things I thought I needed.
Lost, I can call it such because I actually miss what is gone.
Lost implies you can possibly recover something, just a matter of will.
Regardless of the terminology, the bottom line is, I am no longer whole.

How easy it is to shut down, to not see.
The ability to bend reality in your own mind is a beautiful thing but transient.
Reality is persistent.
Eventually it will creep back in, steal into your thoughts, ruin any construction
you choose to hide behind.
No matter how grand or how simple you decide to make your perception of a situation,
the reality of it will get you eventually.

If time is a luxury then I am more poor than I imagined.
Each tick of the clock brings me that much closer to actually seeing.
The things I cannot acknowledge will not be ignored.
Where do you hide when your mind betrays you,
when you can no longer blind yourself?

I spend my time unwisely.
In these moments I have been given what have I accomplished?
Each breath I draw is a lost moment, one where no dream was achieved,
no progress made, nothing beneficial.
Just a simple exchange of oxygen for carbon dioxide.
The world will spin with or without any of us.

Where do you look to find a point?
Do you listen to the word of another?
Ultimately we answer to no one but ourselves.

Why must I mentally drag myself to even the most mundane of actions?
There is something there, something driving me, an answer, I know there is.
I have to make a choice.
A large part of me looks at all of this life’s possibilities and feels the
urge to jump to action.

What is unfortunate is even the smallest doubt can outweigh the best of intentions.
This burden, knowing the magnitude of what I have lost, weighs more than
I know how to bear.
I am at the mercy of my own insecurity, my own inaction.

There is an answer, there is an explanation.
It is part of what is lost and I cling to the possibility of finding it.
I now sit as I have so many times, fooling myself into believing I will
recover that missing magic bit of information.
I think it is this delusion alone that powers my ability to move at all.

I am here, I will be here, I will keep looking.
I promise not to stray too far if you promise not to point out
that I move in circles.

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Coming soon

Posted on July 7, 2013. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

I’ve been silent for quite some time, for a reason.

That’s all behind me now. Things are better than ever, my little family is nearly safe secure and permanently settled. Once that’s occurred I’ll be back to my old blathering self.

Circumstances (woefully) beyond my control made posting, or even being, online a non-issue. I had more important fish to fry. Now that those fish are frittered,

nuh-nuh….   nuh-nuh… nuh nuh nuh nuh da da da da dadada   DANUHNAAAAA (think jaws)

I’m coming…. (nibble)

 

s

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Posted on March 24, 2013. Filed under: Miscellaneous |

I tucked this one away initially. I think it’s time I aired it out. It makes me laugh… a lot. ( : Everyone over the age of 30 needs to say the most juvenile bathroom reference from their childhood they can recall, not in public but definately aloud, then read… (no reason for the last request, I just think it’s hilarious at 40 to call my sister out of the blue and say “fartface” like when we were kids. Hearing stuff like that pop out of your mouth as an adult can be funnier than you might think.)

Did I just say that out loud?

An electrified world full of hypocrisy, there your claim: top of your kind

Your sham dripping with irony because what you tout is maligned

Audaciously you solicit adoration, arrogantly blow your own horn

But woe to the fool pushing platitudes to which their ego can’t conform.

~Eggfucius   circa: onayesterday~

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Magic word contest -CANCELLED

Posted on February 23, 2013. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, Mental Hurling, Miscellaneous, Musings, Prose, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Ask anyone to say the magic word
invariably they will say “please.”
That is a fallacy, a lie, it holds no power.
I know true magic.
A single word – when spoken properly –
can devistate.
This word can end lives.
Destroy families.
Cause the mightiest of men to question their own worth.
This damning word is tricky,
it is generally benign in nature.
We use it every day.
The evil magic it holds is manifested by the speaker.
It’s duality only exsists due to the capacity
for cruelty in men’s hearts… or women’s.
Both are as likely to curse another
with this life altering utterance.
Once viciously used, once Pandora’s box is opened,
it’s never truly the same afterward,
it’s never quite shut again.
Try as you wish, no ammends are complete.
The word leaves it’s mark on the receiver.
I dare not divulge the secret
I will say this:
Speak not in anger and do not be rash.
Words can be powerful.
Burning bridges can consume in a literal sense…

I REGRET TO ANNOUNCE THE CONTEST HAS BEEN COMPROMISED AND THEREFORE IS OFFICIALLY CANCELLED.

I APOLOGIZE FOR THE SUDDEN DECISION HOWEVER IT IS DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND MY CONTROL.

JUST FOR FUN… IF YOU WOULD STILL LIKE TO VENTURE A GUESS YOU MAY ATTEMPT CALLING THE EGGLINE AT 908-FOR-EGGS.

THANK YOU

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A preposition for you

Posted on February 18, 2013. Filed under: goofy crap, Miscellaneous, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

scroll down… you know you want to

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Near.

There you go! Have fun.

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I Found My Muse

Posted on February 13, 2013. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, justice, Miscellaneous, Musings | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I blogged in J.R. Lamar’s comment box. I kind feel like I farted in public.

iBLOGalot

Well, yesterday, February began, marking the beginning of the 43rd annual official “Black History Month” in America.

It also began the the 43rd annual official month where racist White guys complain about there not being a “White History Month.”

I’m reminded of a story that my brother told me years ago. At a job he was working at, during February a White coworker asked him if this was “Black Appreciation Month”. We thought that was hilarious. We were like, yes, everyone, it’s Black Appreciation Month, so make sure you take the time to call up all your favorite Black people, and let them know how much you appreciate them. 🙂

I should also note that, despite what Morgan and that interviewer said, there IS a “Jewish Heritage Month” (MAY), but that’s not the point. I do take issue slightly with Morgan Freeman’s last response, where he said the way to…

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ID the Insect!

Posted on February 7, 2013. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, goofy crap, Miscellaneous, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Wtf? Found un an apiary enclosed in a leaf cocoon filled with brown fibrous strands. The deads leaves were like leather and nearly impossible to separate.  Once it was open, this was hiding inside (NOT the onslaught of millions of tiny nightmare spiders like the back of my mind ran screaming into oblivion insisting…)

Now, what in the HELL was it going to be???
Anyone? Please? For the record.. it’s a hefty little paul atreides wannabe…

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Find an entomologist, tell him you have a surprise for him. Throw him on here… tell him I’ll send the critter if it gives him a tingly.
It’s a trippy little weirdo.
Any educated info would give ME a tingly! Now, jumpon the comments!! Gogosupertalkypartyfunyeah!

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Words O the Week

Posted on February 4, 2013. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Increase your vocabulary with Egg!

Estricles : és-truh-kuls / es-trúh-kuls : (n) (informal) (Feminine) – 1. A spontaneously generated organ (also includes mutation of the female ovaries) creating a state superior to that of a male attributing his virility to his testes.   2. A declaration women may make once they realize they are quite capable of not only accomplishing, but improving on the acts they once relied upon men to perform for them. A response to “How did you manage that?”    ex. 1. woman a. “I just told him to get lost” woman b. “How are you going to make it alone?” woman a. “Girl, I’ve got estricles, I can do whatever comes my way, no problem.”          ex. 2. f.a. “You just walked out on him?” f.b. “Yup, his smacked my cheek so I racked his butt and skated.” f.a. “NO WAY.” f.b. “You KNOW I’ve got estricles I NEVER cower over threats or violence I stomp that $h^t out.” f.a. “you’re ninja”

FEBOT : fee-bow (silent t) – (declaration) A term used singularly to indicate disgust, disapproval, or indicate a strongly dissenting opinion of an occurance, action, statement, or situation. (Not a noun – nothing IS febot however upon learning of or being exposed to something febot is an appropriate response in itsself. It indicates a strong, openly negative reaction.  ex. 1. The dog just farted! Febot! 2.  I saw your boyfriend kissing some bleach blond skank! -febot  3. You made your special meatloaf for lunch? fe-BOT.

 

thanks for expanding your vocab with Egg, stay tuned for more spontaneously generated words, phrases and random linguistic abuses to come without warning in the future, peacy outu ching ching. (higaholic)

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Hey Mark Leon, remember me?

Posted on February 3, 2013. Filed under: Announcements, justice, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

If an acquaintance fell apart in the woods, would anyone admit to hearing it?

(Mark knows… I asked about it but all I heard in response were crickets.
Thanks ..man.. no wait, let me correct that… thanks dude.)

I await a response to MY friendship application dude, I mean Mark.

Recruiterpoet Blog

friend

This is an official application for friendship. In order to be considered, the application must be completed in its entirety. This is also pending a satisfactory completion of background check and competency/intelligence test

This is a sure fire test to determine if that person you want in your life as a true friend is worthy of you.

Name (Yours please) __________________________________
Number of current friends (real life)  ____________________________
Number of Facebook friends ___________________________

Differential:  If Facebook friends to real friends is more than a 4 to 1 ratio, bad sign!

Do you smoke? ______
How often to you drink (Days a week) _________
How many minutes a month do you average on your mobile? __________
How many texts a month do you average on your mobile? ____________

When you are at the dinner table are you eyes on:

Television with the game on ______
Your phone on the table ______

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Inspired by J.R.Lemar

Posted on February 3, 2013. Filed under: goofy crap, Mental Hurling, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I’ve waited more than my share of tables in my life, it’s just a “sit down” restaurant’s way of getting out of paying a real wage to servers. Tipping is SO misunderstood by many people who’ve never worked in the service industry. Too many people justify either not tipping or punitive tips over some silly bit of minutia that did or didn’t occur while they smashed pancakes or baby back ribs in their pie holes.  Waited more than one minute for a top off of their beverage, screw the waiter… I want CRACKERS, f that witch, (I got stiffed at Denny’s because a whale in a mu-mu lost her shit when I returned with her drink order and NO crackers and butter! What in the hell was I thinking miss me? Didn’t I know how to do my job. Like they were supposed to just sit there at a table (couldn’t fit in a booth had to wait 5 on a busboy for a table) with drinks and menus and NO POTS OF BUTTER to slather on CRACKERS? Wholly shit. I have not read from the Book of Fat, I never got to that point in my education? I plead ignorance? wtf.

Shortly after rectifying the situation I was “set straight” by gnashing, greasy, cracker crumbed whale lips. “You know, if you’d have just been civilized and had the crackers, none of this bad blood would be happening.” Wow, I agreed and promptly went to scream obscenities in the walk in because it was all I could do not to reach down her throat and save pinocchio.)

uh, ahem  I mean, Customers expect perfection and infalable service as if they were the center of the universe when generally they are the center of your section of 5 to 6 tables of 4  – or worse, a big top of 20 and they are the sattelite (only table not “borg’ed by the team) and the black hole effect of the 20 people talking at once leaves your table of two agonizingly out of your grasp.

Managers don’t give a flip, all they care about is that you show up when their schedule says for you to and you don’t look or smell bad. Oh, and kiss butt…. hot food, butt kissing, smile, if they’re upset, kiss more butt and give them free pie.  I can do that hell. Free pie generally fixes most stuff in the low/mid end sit downs.

Ahem, no pie, no.  Shhh,    ok, no pie.

SOoooo  people assume that since you have other tables you’re making BANK and they blow off the tip, they assume you make at least minimum wage because it’s THE minimum wage (wait staff are an exception america, they get boned. Server minimum wage was like $2.15 last time I saw it, It’s probably a whopping $2.50 by now. That’s it.  Servers only get that so taxes and ss can come out of what WAIT STAFF MUST CLAIM AS THEIR TIP AMMOUNT WHETHER THEY MAKE THAT AMMOUNT OR NOT. Servers are responsible for at least the difference between the 2.50/hour and $??? that is minimum wage, further your total sales (including call in take out orders) are added up and a percentage is assumed to have been tipped to you. IF YOU DO NOT CLAIM YOU MADE THAT PERCENTAGE THEY FIRE YOU. If you didn’t make that ammount they assume you suck as a server and let you go. I think it’s like 12% (but really I pulled that number out of my ass.)

It’s been over 14 years since I flung food for strangers. ONE big top can ruin the crap out of you. If you are boned by a large party, the sattelite tables generally don’t tip well because the black hole sucks you in and there’s few opportunities to escape the suction of the massive party to tend to anyone else. If you flinch, acknowledge you heard any one of them, they ALL have something they need EVERY TIME THEY SEE YOU. You can’t evade it. They only way to get to the little guy is to emulate Hellen Keller until you are nearer the small table, clear of the group.

I always felt terrible when I had a borg event, UNLESS they ganged up and ate my whole section, then it was bliss. They were my chillun and Momma Stacy fell right in with feeding the brood. I could, often did, bring out cold food and they LOVED it, because I made them love it, they had 100% of my attention and I don’t half ass much. hahaha. There are a few things I can do so well I redefine the concept. Being attentive/giving attention when free of distraction, getting to make a person/people “royalty” for a day so to speak. THAT, I have fun doing. It’s free and nobody dislikes it haha. I have a lot of that in me. It only fails if someone is inappropriate or demanding, if it’s a predetermined expectation – I won’t/can’t do it. I won’t let me on a subliminal level. You get an adverse effect, obvious forced compliance with the absolute basics required to be socially acceptable. Fake grin auto-pilot (: . I can’t help it! I tell me not to do it but I always bully me into doing it anyway. We argue about that a lot, or did. Now I look back at us and laugh, that used to matter hahaha

um,  hang on… that wasn’t me that was… a friend, yeah.  so I was talking about….. waiters get stiffed for goofy reasons, fat chicks want butter…. big tops have mass, ….  crap… um

OH!  yeah So, the assumption is that with several tables an hour there’s surely a lot of money being tipped. That’s rarely the case unless you’re a server at an upscale restaurant. The more affordable the eatery, the more apt the calculator is to come out when it’s time to tip.

HOWEVER, there are the beautiful people. former servers generally overtip, that’s a given. There are those like my wonderful last commenter on “Jesus would tip” who tips well because he gets the drift, that is beautiful. He’s now one of my co-heroes this week.  Then there are people like my older sister, the NEVER been in ANY service industry and wouldn’t work as waitstaff at gunpoint. My big sis tips like a Rockafeller haha. When I’m in a restaurant with her she is FOREVER commenting on waiting tables, “OH GOD I could NEVER do that,” and “I can’t EVEN comprehend how that waitress didn’t slap that guy square in the face just then, they’d have to pull me off him I wouldn’t be able to stop slapping him” haha She is awestruck at how waiters and waitresses can smile and be nice to EVERYONE while doing things she finds vile. “She did NOT just pick up that dinner roll the baby gummed and drooled all over … omg no ew ew ew that is so NASTY, I want to shower just because I saw it” HAHAHAHA  She tips so SO well, it’s crazy.

When she and I eat out together whomever our server is, they are (I have no other word so don’t read into this) BLESSED ha haha  Lisa tips at least 20 or 30 percent or round up then adds 10/20 bucks, that usually goes onto the receipt which she hands to the server so they’ll know they got a nice tip. She always thanks them and tells them they’re amazing because there’s no WAY she could do what they do. (My sister was the head of IT for a successful high end chain of electronically uberprogressive banks, they catered to the gazillionare types – you know the kind of bank that snickers at “free checking” ~surely you jest~ everything bears interest and you pay for the account if  your balance drops under however many grand.  That kind of Type A successful in the past.

NOW she’s off doing mom and dad love her more cause she was here first (she drilled that one in my head… older siblings, eeeyeah, gotta love ’em?) righteous whoknows but always Like A Boss, type of stuff, but being “not Stacy” I assure you it’s without losing her proverbial poop ala Samburg (no promtion of synergy or fish boffing, no oral self gratification, crapping on desks, she has yet to turn into a rocket and far as I know hasn’t flown into the sun yet) Damaged? Me? What is that supposed to…. come back here… Wait… I’m not, I mean.. friends? Not bad girl.. ..I’m ok really…. hugme? (Mmm mm mm mmm hmm hmm) (insert rocking motion here)

Haha, moving on:
Wow, can you tell I’m avoiding stuff by rambling?

Anyway, Lisa hi. k, bye.

I have to INSIST on one thing, if your server blows you off, gives you attitude, gets snippy or pissy with you, does anything but smile and bust butt to try to make you happy…. DON’T GIVE THEM A DIME. Just because waitstaff survive on tips does not mean they can shit on you and you have to pay for it. The inverse is if they’re doing their best but they make a mistake and are sincere/genuine in doing all they can to make things right, that is no justification for refusing to leave a gratuity.

Thinking you know anything about their tips in any way by adding tables/people/averages ect whatever you see or don’t see, is based on absolutely nothing but supposition. Management often divides sections up in strange ways for even stranger reasons. I’ve seen sections look like checkerboards to accomodate multiple new hires (interspersing them with veteran staff their first days solo) ALSO, every restaurant has their own policies… some make you tip other positions out of you take for the night (busboys get 10% Host/ess gets 5% or some variation of ancillary employee and  percentage of your total for the night) OR there are nightmare places where everyone has to POOL their tips and it’s all split equally amongst the servers (I’d walk. The moment they held the bucket out for my money I’d give them the finger before I’d give them a dime hahaha) There’s no telling what wacky policies there might or might not be, never just assume it’s black and white.

I guess to oversimplify things, pretend it’s your mom serving you, and you’re helping her out a bit on the side. If the overall experience was positive, the tip should reflect it – refusing to tip becuase you had to wait for a minute or things weren’t exactly as you wanted them the instant you wanted it but the server damn sure tried to make it right for you is nothing more than a show of childishness, egotism or plain personality defect. If your waitperson gave a true effort and you walk on the tip, it is nothing more than a reflection on your lack of character and overblown ego.

If you aren’t loaded with cash and the bill is higher than you expected, fess up! I had a couple come in and they barely made the bill… they told me they LOVED the service but they just didn’t have anything left over for a tip, they felt bad. I made SURE that they knew the praise made it well worth it and it would even out over the course of the night, that their company while I waited on them was wonderful and made things easier as I worked. I made sure they felt good about the situation (I sure did because I knew why there wasn’t a tip, an honest reason – I’ve promised myself long ago that I value truth more than material posessions so it was just a beautiful act of generosity on their part.) After they left the bus boy cleaned their table went to the manager giving her something from the table. They had filled out a GLOWING comment card, (in red crayon no less) it made me sound like I was exactly what would happen if Mother Theresa and Robin Williams had a child raised by the peace corps. ( : ( :

I felt like a rock star, She xeroxed it and put it up on the wall in the break room, it went to corporate! I got a letter from the corp office commending me for being a prime example of a Denny’s wait person, thanking me for being part of the Denny’s family, that they appreciated that I was exemplary in providing the best dining experience for those patrons and how the company exsisted because of employees like me. Any no raise, bonus, fanfare, balloon, live buttsmooch, just that, a You Rock form letter.  but THAT rocked because no one at the restaurant had ever seen one before (remember working with me? all this? y’all can still eatit I rocked that table! hahaha)

ok, I have crap to do and I wrote this like I write my mental vomit.  Seat of the pants, I’m not even going to read it (just like the mental vom…. Prose, Published dark allegoric prose, Yeah, that. not barf.  Not to you, that’s just a  um. a joke, yeah an  inside joke here at home

peacy outu

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Jesus would tip

Posted on February 1, 2013. Filed under: goofy crap, justice, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I couldn’t help but slap this onto my blog. It is actually started as a comment on the page but then I realized I was standing on a soap box when I finished typing so I said wtf, I’ll blog this puppy.

It’s this kind of idiocy that makes me comfy being more hermit than not. There are so many people walking around just oozing ignorance and stupidity… but don’t point it out because they’ll misquote the bible and knock the hell out of you for insulting them… ( ok, that’s not really factual, that only applies to faux christians, the ones who believe in Jesus but go Jewish when mad… eye for an eye??? Jesus never kicked anyone’s ass, he turned the other cheek. You know the ones, they tell you how they’re better christians than _______ because they _______. …Wow, really? Clueless to the sinfest they’re reveling in generally I silently back away and make for the door, kinda like when you walk up on a snake in the woods. (quietly, slowly, easy… little further…. almost there…. now RUN!)          hahaha!!!    They can get pretty pissed, radical christians are Neo don’t you know? The One. Clearly ready to fly solo up in heaven too because they, and they alone know the path to divinity, and if you don’t agree – well you’re going to hell (after they kick your ass)

Here is my response to the article (a.k.a. a you suck at normie rant, quiet on the set… and…. ACTION!)
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Where is the logic in this hypocrite’s actions? She’s supposed to be a person of God? Tithing is 10% of one’s INCOME.  The large party auto gratuity, based on people IN YOUR PARTY, is in this case, 18% of the DINER CHARGES.
It’s this kind of backward thinking (or rather failure to think) that sets off a hilariously ironic illustration of the “Big 7”:
Vanity (a condescending attempt to insult the waitress)
Greed (dodging a tip that was rightfully earned)
Sloth (failure to set an example as a positive spiritual leader ie: Jesus wouldn’t do that)
Pride (signing Pastor above her name, in order to glorify her position, only done out of self promotion)
Anger (obviously she was angry or she wouldn’t have “punished” the server for the restaurant’s policy by denying her payment for services rendered).
She’s just missing Envy and Gluttony.
I don’t know the so called “Pastor personally. I’m not saying they are or aren’t there, the forecast is grim if her actions in this instance are any indicator… Anyone can say they are christian, proclaim they are a holy person, doesn’t mean it is true. I can swear I’m a pony, doesn’t mean you can saddle me up and win the Kentucky Derby.
The woman is an embarassment to organized religion, what do clergy and the like do? Abdicate? is the a Vice Pastor to step in?  Maybe real pastors will gang up and have an intervention and save her “flock” from further exposure to ineptitude.  (hint hint) Just a thought. Ms Bell, you need to start over, find someone learned who understands the christian tennents and a psychologist who can end your delusional grasp of what it takes to lead others.  I get the feeling your reputation was pretty smudged before the receipt hit the internet.  I am not a christian but I do believe in the christian tennants and that christianity is nothing but a positive and benevolent religion. Actions such as yours tarnish the reputations of humble people of faith everywhere. I am not without sin by your standards but I’ll cast my stones, feel free to lob them back — but when you do, please make sure they are composed of logical, rational statements/rebuttals and free of contradiction and hypocrisy. Otherwise they tend to have a boomarang effect.
I am not claiming to be perfect, I am just not cruel and deceptive and attempting to be a spiritual guide to others while clearly deluded when it comes to proper morals and making judgement calls.

She’s totally going to hell…   which sucks because I’m told I’m on my way too, it IS about suffering!

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tribute

Posted on January 9, 2013. Filed under: Announcements, justice, Miscellaneous, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

I’ve decided not to publish the post as promised to KTRE Lufkin/Tyler for personal reasons. I apologize to anyone who may have been expecting to see it however at this point in time I feel it was a mistake to make the sentiment public.

Thank you and my apologies.

Stacy

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10 Great Ways to Get Noticed as a Blogger

Posted on December 4, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

I caught the eye of an amazing woman, Lesley Carter, she has been ALL OVER the place!

WOW is all I  have to say, you should see her site, she’s with Bucket List Publications.

10 Great Ways to Get Noticed as a Blogger.

 

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fyi

Posted on December 3, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , , |

Wow, talk about ptsd eating time… I, at one point, recall there being a post here about calling off the MW Contest because of an email INSISTING “Jesus” was the answer. Because… He is always the answer. etc.

I am strolling around eliminating some trash from my blog and spring cleaning and… this page was
empty
just nothing.

weird huh?

I’m going to pretend it was a brilliant essay on a new species of dust mite found exclusively in the Congo inbetween dung beetle toes. And that someone gave me a gold star for blowing their mind with the amazing way I managed to avoid making any facet tedious or even slightly boring. Then they crown me the ultra super rockstar of dung beetle dust mite print info YEAH!

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Talkmonster

Posted on December 3, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

It’s not that I talk my ass off to torment people. I realized it’s a weird habit, part of my brand of damage. I’m actually thinking out loud in a sense. It might be annoying because I’m hard to follow (I jump on tangents compulsively but eventually come full circle.) I have to laugh at me, for the longest it bothered when I was ignored. Now it’s distressing when anyone acknowledges me. Hahaha Truth be known, it started because I was the only one I knew who grasped a concept I wanted to bounce around… Needed to actually ~hear the words~ for that perspective if nothing else. And we learn through repetition… I wish I knew someone like me. Who could grasp/learn/understand/synthesize almost any info/concept without effort, torn up with my own stupid blindness to my own hypocrisy, know exactly how others tick psychologically and how they could be such happy people if they embraced a simple premise (they won’t tolerate the notion of me speaking so that’s pie in the sky.) I am able to do just about anything ~~ except function in society in any way that isn’t to my detriment. I love me, messed up and idiotic as I always tend to get I always have. That’s so awesome in my book. I wouldn’t trade my nightmares for anything. I’m stressed, yes, but it’s been worth all the agony, humiliation, instant hatred and massive confusion to understand now who I’ve been all along. I’m crawling with defect, I just recently realized the answer to the question haunting me my entire life. And, WOW! It’s unbelievably awesome and in many aspects completely vile at the same time … I love the irony (: If I start some verbal assault around you whoever you are… Two choices A. Lemming response : mental mute button, “uh huh… Uh huh… k…gotta go…” et al Or B. Tune in for a few, try to get the gist of what I trying to say or am blathering about… Interject or add on (be my hero, teach me something new) or ask an off the wall question completely off topic. I’ll know the answer or I’ll produce a new one adhering to the given parameters. If not I will be able to produce specific or related/relevant, legitimate information of some sort off the top of my head. Stupid egg tricks right?
No practical application that I’m aware of and trust me, I’ve been making a desperate attempt to find anything of the sort for decades (alone, way far and gone on my own generally)
Add that I’m not an acquired taste. Either I’m like human crack and people all about my bullshit OR they are like Mikey and I’m not cereal, one taste of me and I’m spat out in disgust, occasionally followed by retaliatory acts of cruelty and violence twice with lethal intent. I am and have for a long time been, benevolent in nature. Chosen to allow others to be vicious and spout ignorance, condescend, and quietly tolerated it to prevent conflict. I’m tired of it. Collectively, you all wore me down. I can’t expose myself to any situation that would by nature suggest innundation with lack of knowledge/education, intolerance and aggression. I am done taking every hit for a team that by a majority, loathes my existence because I’m “weird.” I am disgusted at the thought of being rude, and odd in that with glee I’m ready to go there. I am quite capable of going lots of places, fortunately I have the intelligence to know what is right and what is always wrong and can never be excused or justified. I pose no threat to life or property, I relish the thought of freely naming cruel aggressors insecurities and shortcomings in public in order to humiliate and create emotional trauma. It’s a gift. (: Push, I’ll let it go. Shove, people should never embrace physical violence. I won’t raise my hand against anyone. Hypocrite that I am, you never meet anyone who uses more destructive, targeted verbal abuse in your life. I didn’t realize I was doing it until recently. Now that I can’t deny it and I am aware I try to watch my tongue. I’m saving those insights for those who need to grasp their place. Nobody is any better than anyone else. We are all special in our own ways – all flawed and insecure due to different circumstance. Drop the need to belittle others to feel ok about yourself and that’s an excellent start.
I’m going to do it! Why not? I’m not going to lose friends over it. I have two and they’re enlightened tolerant and accepting. (: Yay project! Watch, I make a decision like this… Nobody will be ugly towards me or attempt violence again. It’s a daily concern, protecting my child is always playing out in the chaotic noise in my head.
One constant clear image. They attacked her at school, Conroe, Tx. a cess pool of ignorance, populated by people who embrace stupity and devalue education. Their school district treated me like an alien for some time when I would appear to check on my child’s progress in education, socialization skills, emotionally appropriate reactions, etc. They were the most inept, unbelievable group of clueless school administrators surpassed in their ineptitude only by the disgrace the call an isd police force (add the little control freak lackey under Judge Mett’s (illogical man) who blessed my child with the words: yes, when you spit fountain water on your attacker’s shoe she had every right to punch you repeatedly in the face as you stood motionless compelled to not put your hands on another student by the school vice principal (manipulating her disability) Now, say what I want,how I want and this all goes away. Refuse and at 13 you’re guilty and its on a permanent record clear to college apps. Really? My daughter was tormented for months by a gang you incessantly ignored my questioning of your intent in regard to… Their concerted hatred culminated in a vicious brutal attack and it’s MY kids fault ?
Tick tock asshole
? Huh?
Exactly. (:

We’re free of the situations, learning to live with the past without denial. At least I am. My baby, I’ll be supportive when it she gets to this point. Whatever her process may be, I’m onboard. Of all the things I never expected, all the surprises in my life, no shock, no revelation, realization, nothing at all was as nearly fatal as realizing who my most vicious sadistic relentless tormentor has been.
Me.
Instinct? Creepy iq, severe genetic deviation to the point of singularity (my personal arrogant favorite) blah whatever. I saw what I could be ok with seeing. People were who I needed them to be. I live in a delusion so persistent it lasted 40 years. Now, I know me.

Believe me, don’t. Like it, hate. Be happy, angry, lash out, light me up.
Ok.
I can handle it. Honest! Here’s the deal tho. I have NEVER denied my mistakes, flaws, shortcomings. Pretty hard to insult me. I know a lot better than anyone else by skeletons and disgraces. Point out a flaw, if it’s new to me I’ll thank you for finding a fresh horse corpse for me to pound. Accuse inaccurately, I’ll clarify. I am not hiding much. Be ready to be just as naked, if you’re not able to admit your defects and damage I have no issue giving an initial assessment of yours for you. (: My insight is pretty damn accurate and never really washes off (; Its not to be vindictive as much as it is educational. Everyone is equal in the big picture. I had quit school in the 10th grade. (did a month or so as a junior then my unwelcome pregnant ass was gone) I didn’t stop learning everything I encountered with intent, by proximity, synthesis, deduction, questioning anyone speaking of anything I had never heard of or needed to grasp. No teachers, tests, just wanted to know.
It’s a byproduct of my defect. I love it. Hard road to here, rather me me than anyone, promise. Wouldn’t wish this on anybody though. Anyway I am tired of blathering, no clue what set this crap in motion. Thinking on a cell keyboard is akin to trying to discuss abstract concepts with a toddler. Slow and tedious. I can only surmise subconsciously I decided needed atone for some transgression and this… Everything about this is badong in my world. I’m done. Psycho Stacy, you’re sick. Hahaha! (I like looking at myself that way, makes me giggle) Seriously I’m tired of my mouth/blah blah zipping it.

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tacky

Posted on November 28, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, goofy crap, Miscellaneous, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

I want warm fuzzy boots. That isn’t happening for me with a christmas crazed teenage daughter romping all over my bank and credit cards merrily as she babbles about what’s cool and how the world we know will wink out of exsistence if she doesn’t wear/look like/have/get/know/blah.
She is to my wallet what a dyson is to carpets   ———————-       AND I LOVE IT hahahaha

Back to my feet though

Yeah, I’m tacky. Pretty please could you please click the stacy clark (egg here shh that is my in burrito personna) cartwheeling haiku eccentric lookatme button to vote. YAY You just start with this —> https://www.lovefromacorn.com/view.php?ad_serial=539  (SPANKS! I hope or spanks anyway if not)

fuzzy boots fuzzy boots fuzzy boots (coleman socks …shut up) fuzzy boots fuzzy boots huuuh huuuh <gasp> <pant>  rah rah, blah you get it right, … imagine I did a hurkie and stuff yay!

 

do this and I promise I’ll shave my legs, even tho it’s pants weather, sweartagawd

I’ll prove it! pic, video… sound off. vote. get me to the top ten and I’ll honor the outcome of the run off. Tattoo pics/videos and all <gasp>

That’s right, I’ll show my ink!  <what the hell did I promise????>

 

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It’s me!

Posted on November 28, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

image

Before I Launch into red again… Here I am!

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Needy

Posted on November 28, 2012. Filed under: Mental Hurling, Miscellaneous, Musings, Prose | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

An ancient tool, little else
passed from hand to hand.
Its origin is unknown
- workings quite the mystery
Each who wields it leaves their mark
- shapes future outcomes.
But such things lay in mystery
to random hands.
The tool, a marvel a menace,
some leave, work incomplete 
incapable of tolerating the unmistakable
and incessant noise it produces.
Those who tolerate and persevere 
are rewarded with wonder and delight.
Once set in motion this tool
- indescribable!
Yet fallible, it lays silent,
glaring signs of misuse and harm scattered
across its silent form.
Even in the most malevolent hands
it has produced surreal sights,
sublime beauty.
It has a purpose and that is its gift.
Time and distraction combined 
to cancel the mechanism
It makes no sound.
Serves no purpose.
Produces no inspiration.
It withers alone, useless.
The victim of oversight
and inertia it waits.
Its inner workings longing 
for needy hands.
Denying the passage of time
since it last heard 
the useful whine of its gears and cogs
The constant audible reassurance,
I am here
I am of use
I can astound!
Stupidly, it sits immobile
hoping for the day desperation
leads curious hands
to let it feel alive one more time
Willing in every inch of its being 
to reward that with magnificence.

escm?11tymm
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Countrification

Posted on November 10, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, Miscellaneous, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , |

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That… Is the back of my knee.
No, that bloodsucker is NOT a vampire. That would be big baby’s (my) first tick.
Thank you M&M for saving! me. haha – Ewwwwww

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Eulogy

Posted on October 26, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

Please join subliminal sadistic psycho Stacy (worshipped leader and source of our immortality,) as well as (unbelievably darted early this morning out of mercy, and I promise will rejoin once all her lost shit is account for and the pseudo doc oks it…) Angry Momma Bear (if you pray and such, we’ll take it,) ZaaaHu, and eatit in situ with myself
Egg
In morning the passing of yet another failed attempt at being a functional person.
Again .. This makes a second fully conscious occurance.
As I type who I have been is being etch-a-sketched.
It is no reason for sorrow, just an acknowledgement of an egg that could no longer be.
I will be whatever I am when I return.
That egg was rather young.
Good intentions, fundamental flaw

Thank you.
Everyone, find joy. Or not

Not the boss of you. right.

Move along.

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Aw crap

Posted on October 25, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, justice, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Man, I’ve been on stinknasty simmer for hours since my storage place called to tell me some Dane Cook wannabe felt compelled to do a B & E … I’m kinda ashamed nothing was stolen… ANYway
Someone called the eggline and…. Hungthefookup .
’tis not the “Jour D’Oeuf” of that I’m now certain. It’s hardly news if  you’re in the know.

Yawn.
Ta!

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Not mad

Posted on September 11, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , , |

I had no idea how many people just can’t grasp some concepts. I am just overwhelmed at this point. Where to start?

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Soccer moms=Clown shoes

Posted on August 26, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, justice, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , |

MOMGYVER !
Why?
Because I HAVE to.

YEAH!   eatit petty princesses

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Dead battery
Yeah, that’s some 2x4s and a freak carseat from the gutter (whilst mid nose-fling take an instant and let the word ~leverage~ caress your frigid intellect … feelin the gyvery goodness yet?)
I feel it. Like I fell down a high speed 10 story escallator while getting jumped into an angry gang of cows.
Call me MooGyver? In The Herd names are the whole thing. Can’t throw a herd sign worth a cow flop with hooves.

I digress…
I’ve been screwed 8 hours.
New Caney you douches – eatit.

I’M FREE EATIT EVERY ASSHAT WHO DID

NOTHING

especially the ones who slowed to read, then drove off without dropping out of 3rd.
Hope you get a splinter hahaha

Seriously tho, eatit.
I have a clutch to pop

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Level baby
Rrruuuuoh

Oohmigawd

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If I were a pony….

Posted on August 19, 2012. Filed under: goofy crap, Miscellaneous, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

image

Hey, my camera flips! I need some sleep. And, wow, I’m getting old.

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Igiveshitmercy

Posted on August 17, 2012. Filed under: goofy crap, Miscellaneous, Musings, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

How do you think? I mean, what’s it like in your heads? I really need to grasp some things and fookit I’m asking.
When people respond to: whatcha thinkin? With: nothing. Is that literal? Is that possible? I was targeted and tortured to the point that ultimately my worst fear consumed me. The last few conscious moments I realized my painful efforts to hang on were a useless effort, that the concept of will and control were inapplicable. Then empty silence at some point. I think that was days later. A vague unease… Fear… Lots of fear. Terrified to be honest. Clueless what was going on what my head was doing the empty feeling the silence the unease foreign … what in the hell …. Can’t make it ok freakout I lived. Eventually I nailed it. I was confused. Incapacitated by the inability to grasp much of anything past *quiet was wrong, *fear like I’ve never known, *weird uncontrollable idiosyncratic noises/actions and *having to re establish locomotion…
Only then had my head not been screaming white noise.
I never shut up and my thoughts are wicked cool and unspeakable nightmares… Silly crap and you name it. Together. Nonstop Whatever is biggest or repetitive or blahblah or roshambos the right tangents at the right moments more or less guides to gist of my endless blahtering I am so loved to be loathed for round here.
How do people not see really obvious embarrassing, stupid, harmful or just bad things they endure or inflict and not get pissed or walk or… ? How are people ok with painfully illogical stuff and not see it or accept it and are fine with unholy crap?
I don’t want to be a normie . I’m not saying all Normies (I really need t-mobile to suffer for shitphone’s vs inequities.. I type a s s. You go ass. Go!) (douche) are in anyway alike in any way b any means… I just have noticed a subculture that dam near basis in fooked up and is blind or ignoring it.

Be brave. Tell me how your head works. Then tell t mobile to bite it Be…yeah!

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Carl, you douche

Posted on August 17, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, goofy crap, justice, Miscellaneous, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , |

Et tu? I drank your koolaid. You ripped me off. Wow.
I really thought you were a real person.
You, and the previous two AUTO MECHANICS who gruge blinked my car are not going to be happy people till I’m hard core distracted by like… A volcano?
Missing a giant 7mm wrench Carl?
It’s now the future base of a juvenile voodoo doll (:
I’ll post pics soon so EVERYONE can share my love of surprises and see where it I found it in my burning car.
I had no clue you were addicted to electrical tape. LOVED the hot wire you blew off and and took the cash like ya fixed crap, and all else you molested with gooey crap.

Eatit Ass.

Officially, I’m way pissed.
Mike useless esq
Formerly of the vanished
12 Mechanics
Who boned me for 4 grand on an epic fail of a blown engine repair…

I
Will
Find
You
Then
Your
Turn
Being
Helpless
And
Broke

Oh I’m done biting soap, eating it, all manor of “screw the trusting dipshit chick” ends. Now all of you get to know why my family can’t STAND me

Hahaha

Only for you, I’ll be a full blown …legal… Nightmare
~~~~~~~~~~ intentionally.~~~~~~~~

Eatit jerkpiles. I’m done

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There were 2? Screw it, got attorneys to call and a shitlist of idiots to educate.

Ps t-mobile… Today’s my birthday day ……. And tomorrow …..
And so on… Till you realize have literally, criminally (yes sweeties … All kinds of no-no wrong) made an epic mistake equating disabled with inept/lacking intellect. You really poured it on.
I really have copious amounts of proof of your crap in a plethora of situations.
I was stunned at how arrogant and blatant so many of you were.
Legal me, I make lots of noise (:
NOTHING

GOT NOTHING

but time now.
Congrats on making good on destroying my world…
I’ll be ok its what I do.
You can still kiss my Ass I will not comply (:
Ever.
Promise.

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the contest eggline is back.

Posted on August 6, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, goofy crap, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

***** 908 for-eggs ***** is back up and running. You can call me with your guesses again!

the 908 for eggs line is temporarily dead, thanks to T Monster, I mean mobile (no, I meant monster)

I will be stomping mudholes in someone’s hiney shortly …

t monster squashed the egg line temporarily (908 for eggs)

Till then email Magic Word Contest guesses to eggstacee@hotmail.com

I am soooooo eventually going to lay it all out for everyone… it’s bad.

First, resolution, then – they bite the soap

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Dominoes

Posted on July 19, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, justice, Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |

Free, thought we were safe, then:
the car didn’t even stop, but the one behind the soulless asses did. July 16th, 3:15 pm Coco was hit by a car. That night, surgery. Recovery, ongoing but POSITIVE!
Drainage tube might be out by the weekend (:

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Crap

Posted on July 7, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous |

Content deleted for the greater good.

Hahaha

Ok!

I can not imagine any threat, horror , compulsion, or consequence where being a normie  would ever be allowed over embracing hated and inexcusable monster I seem to be in every aspect of the nightmare I call my life.I know why I am neat and know I am remarkable. People do stupid things for sad reasons.
Not going to suffer over anyone’s crap anymore.
Spice managed to break my compulsion.

(I’ve no clue wth that is supposed to mean either … I bet I meant it at the time tho woowoo 7/21?)

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I’ve kissed my last ass

Posted on July 7, 2012. Filed under: Announcements, Contests, goofy crap, Mental Hurling, Miscellaneous, Prose, why the hell not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |

I promise I’m ok. I am a rubber ball. Every time, then, now, next time…. always. I know why I’m here, I know how to endure physical, mental and verbal abuse. Doesn’t matter what happens, I will always wind up on my feet.

I pull rabbits out of hats left and right. Know why?    Because I have to.

Know how? ……………. Neither do I. But there they are.

And here I am.

At the moment, I am all about doing what I need to get done. I NEED someone to renew my faith in mankind. I KNOW there is someone out there as so speshul as I am that the term “think outside the box” is funny. ( I laugh because I have to poke my head IN the box so people can understand me the majority of the time.)

The Magic Word Contest HAS MORE PRIZES… LOTS OF WICKED NEATO COOL STUFF, V A L U A B L E stuff. I want to give someone neato fun things!  

DO NOT PUT YOUR GUESS IN THE COMMENTS – IT WILL NOT BE ACKNOWLEDGED . I WILL SIMPLY DELETE IT.

CALL 908-FOR-EGGS with your guess. only one or two guesses per call, don’t call me trying to read the dictionary I’m going to call you a dork and hang up. (i really will) and if you blow up my phone and make me have to give up my toytoy number I took half a day to hunt down I am going to wish a splinter on you. (bank on that too)

haha!   ahem.   moving on:

Ok, Jewelry from the Marcimallow collection. Yes

I will create a work … satire in a timely manner or… something “deep” haha some of that purty mental vomit they love to publish and never pay me for if given time (I have no control over when or what that is about… it is a subliminal defense mechanism, I have no idea what I have written <consciously> until I’ve finished and I go back and read it. that’s why when eggstacee.com is up I intend to scan in the original and offer a typed translation. ALL mental vomit (prose) is hand written. ALL of it. The way the handwritting turns out is a part of the work. If that makes any sense. I know what I mean.    Your choice, I will throw down on whatever I find silly about some aspect of something in whatever area you choose to point me OR you can wait until I’m forced to banish the unbearable event from my mind by binding it to paper.

Ok, ADDITIONALLY there will be…

something egg related (obviously)

something really juvenile but neato cool anyway (because my inner child was always miserable and I explained why things were the way they were and knowing how she felt can’t resist the chance to indulge the crap out of her… we are so tight I let her run things often, No one can tell us apart anymore haha)

and I will ask a question that will seem odd but it will determine the very nature of the awesome prize I will choose for you.

I want to have fun.

I want to do fun things.

I wish I had the time to mess with ssl or csl or abc.. no wait, got that.   the web page crap that is specific to the template I INSIST on using because I adore it.

I’m so mean to me haha, gimme gimme huh… ok. Happy now, you have it and you can’t use it. Brat.

I earned it.

I’ll kick it in the butt… right after I put my life together in a way that I proper.

Tmobile managed to elminate what I accomplished … as promised.

It’s ok

I kept really clear undeniable records.  I don’t have much else to do to kill time till I can close on a new home.

nana… nana……. nananananan (insert jaws music)

(:

I’m going to start with the store on I-45 and FM 1960 in Houston, TX where the Manager and two employees joyously bashed humiliated lied belitted, one arrogant defective thing suddenly blathered nonsense and lunged at me claiming I was enciting violence! I was a bit freaked to say the least.

They lost their shit when I named them each and thanked them for their participation in my ability to prove the company wide malcious manipulation or exploitation of my disabilies and gleeful attempts to assure my misery and inability to persist in any capacity.

I called about the pseudo cop they threw on me as I tried to leave the parking lot to understand what I’d done that was criminal. The manager’s response after a 2 or 3 second pause was…. <click>

hahahah LIKE A BOSS

I called back and asked once more to help me understand since I have NO experience with crime crap … what brance of law enforcement do I need to contact to know what I face if I tresspass like I was warned not to do… <click>

What a man!

PLEASE   …do it.. embrace the opportunity to make someone admit they were evil. The manager of the store, when I stated I am pretty clear now that you really don’t like me… responded that’s right, I DON”T like you.   No, NO not at all.

HAHHAHAHAH wow, customer service with a grimace.

call and ask for me?  I get hung up on

 

and go find the magic word game!

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Rippedoff & shredded

Posted on June 25, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , |

And all that heard shall see Her there
Her flashing eyes
Her floating hair
Weave a circle round Her thrice
And close your eyes in holy dread
For She unslain stood in their stead
And spat on all they claimed divine

Coleridge’s facinating I always wanted to jump in on that haha, too cool – even if he was high (:

ChingChing!
SLIPPER!

Shit karma whaled on me before I got to hit post… Worth it tho

T-mobile, »»»» rank malicious liars

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for the record

Posted on June 3, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: |

I’m obligated, by experience, to let EVERYONE know.

so my family is PERFECTLY clear.

and my friends have NOTHING to doubt.

I’m sane, rational, fine, competent.

know that the crap I’m throwing out is … juvenile ugly hateful angry lashing out over nasty realizations that … yeah, my family sucks ass.  and.. nope, no way to lie and think anything but my “friends” merely tolerate me because a. I have something they want or b. eventually I’ll shut up and they can blather about meaningless prattle as I sit and endure intellectually abusive silence … now I’m unable to understand why I silently ate so much crap. I physically ACHED trying to play nice nice, apologized for my presence, patronized SO BLATANTLY.. I mean retardedly outright to the point of having barking monkeys begging for a bite of the righteous shit sandwich my disgusting presence was in their glory and awesome superior presence, I’m vile.. ultrashit sandwich, gnash your mighty teeth upon me and spit me.. NO CONSUME ME becuase you are mighty

I’M GONNA EAT YOU SHIT SANDWICH

oh yeah, I’ve sold it

go away barking monkeys, you eat that crap, I do it and laugh. You eat it up and I go further and further and you buy it hahahahah why   .. really WHY? How … WHO   really how is that not clearly smart ass needing a serious threat of foot to ass retaliation implications to shut me and make me run away afraid of you hahahhaa noooo you take it, and you love it.

hahahaha

all of you, leaving me alone, complacent, blase, blahblahblah, questioning me hahaha , me. hahaha

ignoring me then wondering if I’m ok… do I need help. No

no, I’m fine. A ok. I’m allowed to get pissed

Thank you internet, I’m allow to be stupid and juvenile

IQ, so what, I thought it was bitchin.. proud and coveted that one thing I had … no one bashed it

it’s what made me a boogie man where I am now stranded… trapped… patronized… blown off…

 

sitting

 

isolated

 

all of you who have previously had access to me (don’t offend me by pretending you know me)

you’re all welcome to enjoy your lives, and excused from mine… and by that I mean stay out.

seriously

wrapped in a tortilla, deep fried, in a chicago style deep dish pizza, in an authentic tamale husk, batter dipped, fried in canola oil, smothered in chili, in a commemorative tote bag.

Lee, take the creature you fostered with you.  Don’t look back.

coo

eesa, I thank and respect what you’re doing for the single pure goal and purpose I have that keeps me from going ugly in a way that nothing can excuse. It sits in my head, my absolute inability to hinder my chance to continue to be a part of what you know is true joy… that keeps me spitting acid like a bitchy baby on here right now, but quite professionally serious and intent on what must be done and how I am going about it

grown up style. (40 caught a break, bigger fish.. still going to make it giggle till it farts)

I can’t wash “grown up” off enough

so here I am being a pissy baby

maybe grown up DOES .. no wait! IT IS AN ON OFF THING

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Y’all back off still but

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

meskai wahhh ohhpoe    eesabird quack that at bliss for the blackest sheep who’s shutting up

purty please …. (focus on the deeds, you never cared about the word right?)

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YES WAY!

Posted on May 27, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

I am finally at a place of such understanding… immersion therapy? I am so clear now .. thank you for your criminal nightmarish no less than torturous … 4? 5 month assault to lead me to my own liberation. I am able to accept who I am, who everyone else is, my place and my ability to know I have no desire to struggle to pretend to belong with people who are constantly embracing and demanding affi…rmation of things irrational and illogical. I am non violent. So many people are, intolerant, judgemental, violent, hateful… ok. I am not. I have no ability even force myself to be around anyone of the sort. I accept the term disabled and wear it with a smile. If you fear me… Good. Stay away. It isn’t for your safety… I’m harmless. It’s for mine.
haha in my declaration of liberation… I overcooked my celebratory (vegetarian yaya) cheese pizza. No silly juvenile declaration of being a neon banana (hammock juliemeowmeow hehe) to make me giggle – or creation of any scenario real or theoretical is going to undo the fact that my choices are… eat overly brownish cheese while it’s hot OR let it get cold while I Momgyver a solution to make it g…ooey.
Either way… I’m going to enjoy my pizza and I will happily… and completely with all sanity and intellect in tact and under no way as a result of instability… tell my pizza all about how wonderful it is and it’s beauty for being what it is. And that I am going to eat it whether it wants me to or not. Not to cause damage, just because that is why it exists. My pizza is going to do nothing but be put in my mouth chewed and swallowed. It is my friend in that it won’t give me a nasty look (…..) and will just let me feel expressive and I find such joy in that.
Pat yourselves on the back. I talk to inanimate things so I have a way to embrace a chance for expression without any incapacitated intellect judging me by using ignorance as a reason to (haha) feel smug and foolishly indict my sanity.
Wow, that pizza is reeealy wrong. I’m off to try not to abuse some pizza rolls. I’m so going to euthanize my abhorant creation and spare the poor thing on my stove haha.  Here Coco (:
(Coco isn’t Mikey, she won’t eat ANYthing, but my babypuppy always gets first shot before the fatty ratties get treats… if none of us can stand it…  banishment to oblivion=Trash)
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awww crap

Posted on May 23, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous |

I just realized my bio and everything is eaten alive about bipolar bs.  I discovered that yes I have that condition HOWEVER… there is no aspect of the elements or actions involved or instigated by the chemical imablance that in any way describe the being that I am.

I am considered highly unusual and often not well received by the general population. Not because I have a psych diagnosis that I am med compliantly active in the treatment and maitenance of… nope.  I am just … to most .. too odd to take.   I am   meeeee!  I just learned I love me. I learned I think I am awesome! I know I am cool even if you don’t.   I know all about me and I am happy.  So close to 40 it needs a restraining order and I JUST accepted I am able to be happy being exactly what I am.

Freak… ok… weirdo, psycho, monster boogiewoman…

Fling it. I’m rubber, you’re …trapped on some pathetic juvenile playground… I josh about kiddie stuff. You have my pity if you are still living it. (: Peacey Outu .. Ching Ching!

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I poo you not!

Posted on May 23, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous |

ok….   stick with me….

think back back and remember the most awesome wonderful thing you’ve ever experienced, seen, done or tthought of.

Close your eyes and take a few to roll it around in your mind until you are unable to do anything but grin….

k.   feelin it?  here’s the trippy thing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you can read that whenever you want. .. uh you’re welcome. go me!

I am a rubber ball.

….ii y a des temp quand je suis peur …

then I proclaim myself a magic cupcake and remember the necessity of creating your own joy.

the end.

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aveno.. indulge me

Posted on May 20, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous |

twice in a row.  well played.

you doubt my rubber ball-ness?

I chose aveno because I’m fond of oatmeal

I’m off.  I get to bite the soap .. again.

hahahaha  pounce all you want, I’ll bounce more

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irish spring please

Posted on May 20, 2012. Filed under: Miscellaneous |

i wrote stuff.

was happy about it

went to smush in tag crap

poof, gone

(:     no arguements. I accept it…     I’m going to post this so I can go ahead and bite the soap.

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